Editing

1. Editing Joe Moxley, Professor of English University of South Florida http://joemoxley.org

2. Overview • Avoid Vagueness • Use the Active Voice • Limit Nominalizations • Use the First Person • Eliminate to be Verbs • Select an Appropriate Sentence Pattern • Enhance Cohesion • Edit Strings of Prepositional Phrases • Edit for Economy • Use Tools to Facilitate Editing

3. Avoid Vagueness As you read through your document, question whether language is as specific and exact as necessary.

4. Avoid Vagueness If you say, "Research suggests that drinking grape juice lowers cholesterol," readers will ask, "What research? How was the research conducted? Who conducted the research? Did the results appear in a credible source?"

5. Avoid Vagueness > Use Characters as Subjects Express main characters as subjects. Express their actions as verbs.

6. Avoid Vagueness > Example Once upon a time, as a walk through thewoods was taking place on the part of Little Red Riding Hood, theWolf’s jump out from behind a tree occurred, causing fright in Little Red Riding hood. Once upon a time, Little Red RidingHoodwas walking through the woods, when the Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and frightened her. Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

7. The cause of our educational system’s failure at teaching basic skills to children is not understanding the influence of their cultural background on learning. -complex, abstract, wordy Our educational system has failed to teach children basics skills because we don’t understand how their cultural background influences the way they learn. -clearer and direct Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

8. Use the Active Voice Make your writing more persuasive, clear, and concise by using the active voice rather than the passive voice. A verb is passive when its subject is acted upon by an outside agent rather than doing the action.

9. Use the Active Voice Identify passive voice by finding a sentence that uses some form of the verb to be (am, is, was, were, being, been) along with a past participle (a verb form ending in -ed, -en), or some other verb form. Passive: I was made a better scholarly author by writing regularly. Active: Writing regularly has made me a better scholarly author.

10. Passive Verbs The passive differs from the active in three ways: The subject expresses the goal of the action. A form of be precedes a verb in its past participle form. The agent of action appears after the verb in a by-phrase, but it may also be dropped. Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

11. Passive Verbs > Examples • I was made a better writer by taking the writing course. • The data were confirmed. • She was had by the con artist. • The money was lost by me. • Those who are found guilty can be fined.

12. Choose between active and passive Must your readers know who is responsible for the action? Because the inspection was not done, the flaw was left uncorrected, a fact that was known months before it was leaked to the press. Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

13. Choose between active and passive Would the active or passive voice let you arrange words in an order that helps your readers move smoothly from one sentence to the next? This decision will be influenced by the weight we give to two factors, industrial competitiveness and the value we attach to the liberal arts Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

14. Choose between active and passive Would the active or passive create a consistent and appropriate sequence of subjects representing characters that you want your reader to focus on? By early 1945, Germany had essentially been defeated; all that remained was a bloody climax. Its borders had been breached, and it was being bombed around the clock. Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

15. Limit Nominalizations Create a persuasive, dynamic voice by packing your sentences with verbs rather than nominalizations.

16. Limit Nominalizations A nominalization follows a verb with little specific meaning The agency conducted an investigation into the matter. The agency investigated the matter. Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

17. Limit Nominalizations A nominalization follows there is or there are There is no need for our further study of this problem. We need not study this problem further. Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

18. Limit Nominalizations The nominalization is the subject of an empty verb The intention of the committee is to audit the records. The committee intends to audit the records. Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

19. Limit Nominalizations Two or three nominalizations in a row are joined by prepositions There was first a review of the evolution of the dorsal fin. First, she reviewed how the dorsal fin evolved. Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

20. Limit Nominalizations Often, one nominalization appears in a subject and a second in the complement of a verb or phrase Their increase in revenues was a result of their expansion of outlets. They increased revenues because they expanded outlets. Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

21. Maintain a High Verb-to-Noun Ratio When editing, consider changing Latinated nouns--that is, nouns that end with ance, ing, ion, tion, or ment-- into verbs. For example, transform introduction into introduce; commitment, commit; feeling, feel.

22. Maintain a High Verb-to-Noun Ratio Changing nouns into verbs can result in a more concise and vigorous passage, as illustrated below: Sample: The assumption that creative ability has a relationship to intelligence warrants further examination. Revision: We must examine how creative ability relates to intelligence.  

23.  Use the First Person "Do not use the first person" is perhaps the most unfortunate writing myth that handicaps inexperienced writers. When you remove all personal references from your writing, you can suck the life out of your prose.

24. Eliminate to be Verbs The verb "to be" is unlike any other verb because it is inert--that is, it doesn't show any action. Because you diminish the vigor of a document by using "is" and "are" constructions, you should try to limit their frequency.

25. Eliminate to be Verbs Sample: According to the certification theory, there is no intrinsic relation between creativity and IQ. Revision: Certification theory posits no intrinsic relation between creativity and IQ.  

26. Select an Appropriate Sentence Pattern When assessing whether your sentences are too long or complex, consider your audience. Limit the number of words that come between the beginning of the sentence and its subject. Don't clutter the beginning of the sentence with unnecessary transitional words or phrases.

27. Select an Appropriate Sentence Pattern Notice in this example, how you need to juggle all of the opening conditions in your mind before you finally come to the subject of this sentence: If you write every morning for at least fifteen minutes, if you set aside the urge to criticize early drafts and ideas, if you analyze your rhetorical situation for a document, if you ask critical questions of your drafts, if you share drafts with colleagues, then you will improve quickly as a writer.

28. Select an Appropriate Sentence Pattern Avoid Throat Clearing Using several metadiscourse at the beginning of the sentence And therefore, politically speaking, in Eastern states since 1980, acid rain has become a serious problem Since 1980, therefore, acid rain in Eastern states has become a serious political problem Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

29. Select an Appropriate Sentence Pattern Avoid alleged monotony If several consecutive sentences begin with the same words, revise the sentences by using pronouns, paraphrase the topic and move it to prepositional phrase Avoid illusory cohesion Avoid using logical conjunctions like thus,therefore, however, and so on, if the logical conjunctions are meaningless Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

30. Select an Appropriate Sentence Pattern Fortunately, most sentences with long introductory clauses can be easily improved; all you need to do is move the concluding words--that is, the independent clause--to the beginning of the sentence, as in the following revision: You will improve quickly as a writer if you write every morning for at least fifteen minutes, etc.

31. Enhance Cohesion Balance the principles that makes individual sentences clear and the principles that gives a sequence a sense of cohesive flow. Readers must understand individual sentences Readers must see the sentences “hang together” Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

32. Enhance Cohesion It is also called “ Old-To-New” Begin the sentence with information familiar to the reader End sentences with information that the reader does not anticipate Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

33. Enhance Cohesion > Example Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. A black hole is created by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no longer than a marble. So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the fabric of space around it in a puzzling way. Source: Style by Joseph M. Williams

34. Edit Strings of Prepositional Phrases Prepositions work as connecting words: they link the object of the preposition to a word that appears earlier in the sentence. Prepositions do not convey action, nor do they subordinate one thought to another.

35. Edit Strings of Prepositional Phrases When used excessively, as demonstrated by the following example, prepositional phrases create a choppy, list-like style: The major objective of this study was to determine the perceived effects of the unionon monetary and on non-monetaryaspects of compensation over the periodin which respondentsto the survey had been union members.  

36. Edit for Economy People love conciseness. By evaluating the content in light of your audience and the tone that you hope to establish, you can find ways to eliminate unnecessary transitions, definitions, references, examples. In your search for precision and persuasive appeal, you should delete unnecessary repetitions--redundant adjectives, repeated phrases, and synonyms.

37. Edit for Economy Delete unnecessary repetitions--redundant adjectives, repeated phrases, and synonyms.

38. Use Tools to Facilitate Editing

39. Use Tools to Facilitate Editing • Microsoft Word and the Writing Process • Writing Wiki • Grammar Wiki • Teaching Wiki • SharePoint

40. Exercise