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WELCOME

WELCOME. CONFLICT RESOLUTION. Presented by NAIW (International) Written by: Chris Kelly-Storbeck, CPCU, CPIW, DAE Janet M Stambaugh, AIM, CPCU, CPIW. What is Conflict.

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WELCOME

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  1. WELCOME CONFLICT RESOLUTION Presented by NAIW (International) Written by: Chris Kelly-Storbeck, CPCU, CPIW, DAE Janet M Stambaugh, AIM, CPCU, CPIW

  2. What is Conflict

  3. Come into collision or disagreement, be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash • Controversy, quarrel: conflicts between parties • Discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or opposition • Incompatibility or interference He Dictionary.com

  4. Healthy Conflict

  5. The Way You See It The Way I See It Communication The Way It Is

  6. Perspective

  7. Disagreement resulting from differences in: • Attitudes • Beliefs or Perceptions • Needs • Values What Differences?

  8. Power • Feelings and Emotions • Personalities More Differences

  9. Behavior & Conflict • Controlling • Nurturing • Reasoning • Spontaneous • Adaptive • Defiant

  10. Conflict in Groups • Poor communication • Members not involved in decision making • Rumor mill • Resources are insufficient Attitudes, Beliefs & Perceptions, Needs, Values, Power, Personality Differences

  11. Conflict in Groups • Personal chemistry • Leadership problems • Stepping on toes • Power struggle Attitudes, Beliefs & Perceptions, Needs, Values, Power, Personality Differences

  12. 4 Levels of Conflict The Crusade The Contest The Disagreement The Problem

  13. The Problem Symptoms: • Differences and conflicting goals exist • Feeling of discomfort in each other’s presence • Short lived anger • Denial of hostile feelings

  14. The Disagreement Symptoms: • Objectives of conflicting parties tend toward self-protection • Elements of shrewdness and calculation • Language shifts from specifics to general • Hostility, negative humor, and derision are present

  15. The Contest Symptoms: • Shift from self-protection to winning • Objectives become more complex • People begin to take sides, seeking victory • Overgeneralization, distortion • Personal attacks are common

  16. The Crusade Symptoms: • Objectives change from winning to wanting to hurt and/or get rid of others • The issue is more important than the good of the group • Being right and punishment become themes • Language often becomes ideology

  17. Anger <Brain

  18. How? Resolving Conflict

  19. Identify your “hot buttons” • Manage your behavior # 1. Understand Yourself!

  20. Change your expectations • Accept people the way they are • Presume a positive intention • Ask for help • Do not react to other’s behavior • Take responsibility for your own feelings # 2. Manage Your Negative Feelings

  21. # 3. Learn Which Words to Avoid

  22. Have To • I Need (Want) You To… • You Need To… • What Is Your Problem? • I Can’t / You Can’t • Should/Ought To • Policy/Jargon • I’ll Try • I’m Sorry • It’s Just a… • Best/Worst • But • Required/Necessary • Must • Would You Mind • I Understand # 3. Words to Avoid

  23. # 4. Learn Which Words to Use

  24. Are you willing? • Will you? • What have you considered? • What are the options? • Which do you prefer? • What are the alternatives? • How Can I help? • What do you want me to do? • Here are some options • I made a mistake • I understand your concern • I apologize for (specific) • However • Will, Willing • Able • Unable + Reasons + Options # 4. Words to Use

  25. Take notes with permission • Maintain good eye contact • Ask questions – Clarify issues • Stay curious # 5. Learn How to Listen

  26. # 6. Understand Discounting

  27. Now why did you do that • That wasn’t very smart • You know better than that • What were you thinking • Don’t be silly • Why didn’t you # 6. Insults

  28. Young people have no respect • They should know better • It’s just a minor problem • If these people could just talk right # 6. Judgments

  29. I am so clumsy • I can’t do that • I am just no good at that • I never understand these things • This is typical of something I would do # 6. Discounting Yourself

  30. Impatience • Sarcasm and Complaining • Jargon • Explaining too much • Discounting compliments • Avoiding responsibility # 6. Other Ways of Discounting

  31. Avoid responsibility by blaming others for Your Feelings # 6. Blaming Others

  32. # 7. Learn to Fight Clean

  33. Separate people from the problem • Focus on facts not emotions • Invent options • Use objective criteria • Consider consequences # 7. Learn to Fight Clean

  34. THANK YOU

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