Why do we listen? • To gain information and ideas • To get feedback • To participate in another person’s story • To be inspired • To question and test evidence and assumptions • To improve your own communication
“The effectiveness of the spoken words hinges not so much on how people talk as on how they listen”
PAUL RANKIN’S RESEARCH: 70% OF OUR WAKING TIME IS SPENT IN COMMUNICATING 9% 16% 45% 30%
Listening is perhaps one of the most important skills we have, yet it is one of the least recognized. A neglected skill
How we show we are not listening… • Turn-away • Shuffle papers on your desk • Put papers in your brief-case • Have a glazed look • Pick up a file and start reading • Turn and talk to someone else • Start answering phone call • Not respond to a question intentionally • Continue to look at the monitor
Hearing vs. Listening • Hearing • Physiological process • Reception of sound waves by ears • Listening • Hearing as well as understanding the words as well as non verbal signals.
Research reveals that although we spend so much of our time ‘listening’ we don’t necessarily remember all we’re told.
70 % or all our communication efforts are: misunderstood, misinterpreted, rejected, disliked, distorted, or not heard (Even in the same language, same culture)! 70%
The fact that people are born with two eyes and two ears, but only one tongue suggests that we ought to look and listen twice as much as we speak.
Poor Listening Skills lead to • Missed • Opportunities • Signals • Insights into how the opponent is thinking
1.T - That is what the passage says. 2. ? - The story does not say whether he did or not. 3. F - The story says he did produce something new. 4. ? - The story does not say whether or not Ron Thomson had authority to spend money. 5. ? - The story does not say whether others besides the three mentioned had such authority. 6. T - That is what the passage says. 7. ? - Not all executives are necessarily men. 8. ? - The story suggests this but does not state it. 9. ? - I f Ron Thomson is one of the three executives given authority to spend Rs 50,000 this would be true; but the passage does not specify whether he is one of three. 10. F - MAC was the Research Director. 11. T - The story does not specify whether MAC gave such authority to his best men.
Supreme electronics • MAC, the Research Director of Supreme electronics, ordered a crash programme to develop a new process. He gave three of his executives, authority to spend Rs. 50,000 each without consulting him. He sent one of his best men, Ron Thomsonto the firm's North Region plant with orders to work on the new process independently. Within one week, Ron Thomson produced a highly promising new approach to the problem.
Analysis • People do not listen/ read everything • They constantly keep adding, filtering information to/ from the messages received • These additions/ deletions are based on their past experiences, perceptions, biases, stereotypes, prejudices. • Even when they are in doubt they don’t ask questions • When people do not understand they add data or information from their sides to make complete understanding • Once they thinkthey have understood they take a stand and argue in favor of their understanding
Why don’t we listen better? • Message Overload • Preoccupation • External Noise • Effort • Tired • Rapid Thought
There is a considerable difference between the speed at which a person talks and the speed at which he thinks …
There is a considerable difference between the speed at which a person talks and the speed at which he thinks … • The average person speaks at about 125 words per minute… • An average persons thinking/Listening speed is in the range of 500 words per minute…
Results…. • Daydream • Tune out • Mental ‘walk about’
Kinds of listening (within other's frame of reference) 5.Empathetic Listening 4. Attentive Listening 3. Selective Listening (within one's own frame of reference) 2. Pretend Listening 1. Ignoring - Stephen Covey
Empathize • Put ourselves in speaker’s shoes • Ignore our own perception of the situation for the moment • Accept speaker’s feelings, thoughts, and ideas of the situation as ours. • Make eye contact • Empathizing does not mean we need to agree with the speaker.
Listening Self-Inventory Exercise
Active Listening Listening with ears, eyes and heart
Through Active Listening PARAPHRASING InstantRepetition Restating what another has said in your own words SUMMARIZING Testing your understanding Pulling together the main points of a speaker QUESTIONING Asking relevant questions to help in better way and reduce errors
Paraphrasing is simply restating what another person has said in your own words. The best way to paraphrase is to listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Benefits of Paraphrasing Helps listener to make sure they understood the message correctly. Allows speaker an opportunity to correct any misunderstanding immediately. Allows speaker to know that listener have heard and is interested in what he/she has to say. Use initial phrases such as: In other words… I gather that… If I understand what you are saying… What I hear you saying is… Pardon my interruption, but let me see if I understand you correctly… Paraphrasing…try it out!
Summarizing pulls important ideas, facts or data together to establish a basis for further discussion and/or review progress. The person summarizing must listen carefully in order to organize the information systematically. It is useful for emphasizing key points. “If I understand you correctly, your main concerns are…” “These seem to be the key ideas you have expressed…” Summarizing…try it out!
Questioning…a critical skill There are two basic types of questions: • Closed questionsGenerally result in short yes/no or other one word answers. They should be used only when you want precise, quick answers. Otherwise, they inhibit thought. • Open-ended questions Questions that begin with “how”, “what” and “why”.
Practice your questioning skills… Rephrase the following closed questions to make them open-ended: • Are you feeling tired now? • Did you find that report useful? • Is there anything bothering you? • So everything is fine, then?
Stop Talking Eliminate Distractions Sit so you can see & hear Concentrate Focus on the speaker Maintain an open mind Avoid prejudices Don’t give advice until asked (role play) Show interest in the speaker and the conversation Do not react to emotive words Prompt the speaker Ask questions Ask for clarification Attend to non-verbal cues of the speaker Take notes Give Feedback Tips to Better Listening
Role Play 1 • A is a Customer Service Manager in Electricity Supply Company. • B is a consumer who has got a very high inflated bill. His usual bills are for Rs 4000/- for two months. He got a bill for Rs 19000/- for May and June 2010. He has made three visits to your office but juniors have not been able to resolve the issue. He is angry and frustrated.
Role Play 2 • B is Manager (Airport) of Jet Airways at Delhi. • A is a traveler who arrived from USA to attend a conference in New Delhi. After two days of stay in New Delhi, he is scheduled to fly to Hong Kong for business meeting from where she is to move to New Zealand for a week’s vacation. Her family is coming from US to New Zealand directly. • Two checked-in bags of A are missing and your best guess is that they have been put on a flight to Mexico which is served by Jet Airways only twice a week. She is angry and frustrated.
Barriers in Communication • Differences in Perception. • Language. • Tendency to Stereotype. • Assumptions / Jumping to conclusion. • Noise, Physical Distractions. • Emotional Barriers (Stress, Fear, Anxiety). • Badly Expressed message. • Focus on Self. • Poor Listening