Chapter 7

1. Chapter 7 Listening: More than Meets the Ear!

2. Elements in the Listening Process • Hearing • Physiological dimension of listening • Influenced by a number of different factors • Background noise, loud noises, auditory fatigue • Attending • Psychological component of listening • We can’t attend to every sound presented to us • Wants, needs, desires, and interests determine what we attend to. • Understanding • Occurs when one makes sense of a message.

3. Elements in the Listening Process • Responding • Giving observable feedback to a speaker • Good listeners demonstrate their response by nonverbal behaviors such as maintaining eye contact. • A slumped posture, bored expression, or yawning doesn’t indicate that you are interested in the speaker • Remembering • Ability to recall information • Research indicates that most people remember only 50% of what they hear right after they hear it. • Within 8 hours, only 35% of people remember what they hear • After 2 months, only 25% of people can remember what they hear

4. Types of Listening Responses • Prompting • Using silences and brief statements of encouragement to draw others out. • Can also help others clarify their thoughts and feelings. • Pg 248 example • Nonverbal behaviors (eye contact, posture, facial expression) must match show concern with the other person’s problem.

5. Types of Listening Responses • Questioning • “Most popular piece of language” • Can help you in three ways • Answers can fill in facts that details that will help you understand. • You can what others are thinking or feeling by asking questions (ex, “Are you mad at me?”) • Help understand what other person wants • Can be a tool for answering questions • Encourages self-discovery • Rather than giving advice, using questions can show faith in other’s ability to solve problem.

6. Types of Listening Responses • Questioning cont… • Sincere Questions: aimed at understanding others • Counterfeit Questions: aimed at sending a message rather than receiving one • Questions that trap the speaker • Backs other person into a corner • “You didn’t like the movie, did you?” • A tag question • Questions designed to find agreement, not necessarily information • Added on to a statement • “You said you called at 5pm , but you forgot, didn’t you?”

7. Types of Listening Responses • Questions cont… • Counterfeit Questions cont.. • Questions that make statements • Are you finally off the phone? • More of a statement than a question • Emphasis on certain words turns questions into statements • Questions that carry hidden agendas • Are you busy on Friday night? • Not designed to enhance understanding but rather are setups for proposals.

8. Types of Listening Responses • Questions cont… • Counterfeit Questions cont… • Questions that seek “correct” answers • Question seeks to find one specific question • Sweetheart, do I look ugly? • Questions based on unchecked assumptions • Use question to answer certain assumptions • What’s the matter?

9. Types of Listening Responses • Paraphrase • Restating in your own words the message you thought the speaker just sent, without adding anything new. • Though questioning is very helpful, it can only take you so far. • Example on page 251 • Two types of paraphrases • Paraphrasing factual information that will help you understand the other person’s point. • Paraphrasing personal information can help short-circuit defensive arguments.

10. Types of Listening Responses • Supporting • Reveal listener’s solidarity with the speaker’s situation • Helpful when the other person wants to know how you feel. • Expressions of care, concern, affection, and interest, especially during times of stress. • There are several types of supportive statements • Empathy, agreement, offers to help, praise and reassurance. • Ex on pg. 254

11. Types of Listening Responses • Supporting cont… • “Cold comfort” • Deny others the right to their feelings • “Don’t worry about it” • Underlying message is that the speaker wants the person to feel differently. • Minimize significance of the situation • “Hey, it’s only a job”. • Focus on “then and there” rather than “here and now” • “You’ll feel better tomorrow” • Sometimes, you wont feel better tomorrow!

12. Types of Listening Responses • Supporting cont.. • “Cold Comfort” cont… • Cast judgment • “You know it’s your own fault. You shouldn’t have done that”. • Evaluative and condescending statements are more likely to create defensiveness in other person. • Defend yourself • “Don’t blame me, I’ve done my part!” • It’s clear that person is more concerned with self than with supporting the other person.

13. Types of Listening Responses • Analyzing • Listener offers an interpretation of a speaker’s message. • “I think what’s really bothering you is….” • Interpretations can help people come up with alternative solutions to a problem • Sometimes analysis can led to confusion rather than clarity • Interpretation may not be correct • Interpretation doesn’t benefit person in need

14. Types of Listening Responses • Advising • When approached by another’s problems, there is a tendency to offer an advising response • Despite some benefits, advise has its limits • Advise can actually be harmful • Your advise may not offer the best course to follow and thus, is harmful to person in question. • Can allow people to avoid responsibility for their actions.

15. Types of Listening Responses • Judging Response • Evaluates the sender’s thoughts or behaviors in some way. • Judgment can be favorable • “You’re on the right path” • Judgment can be unfavorable • “An attitude like that won’t get you anywhere!” • Negative judgments can be very critical • Can make matters worse

16. Types of Listening Responses • Judgments cont… • Two conditions must exist for judgments to be effective: • Person with the problem should have request an evaluation from you. • Intent of judgment should be genuinely constructive and not designed as a put-down.