Chapter 7

1. Chapter 7 Resolving Interpersonal Conflict Quiz Wed.

3. Goals: To accept human differences as inevitable To help you lose your fear of conflict To teach you methods to help you get what you want and protect yourself To present alternative to fight or flight behaviors To learn to problem solve instead of desiring revenge!

4. Interpersonal Styles Passive: fear of risk of speaking holds you back, no power Assertive: skills result in powerful approach without overpowering Aggressive: fear of losing something causes attack, ineffective power

5. Exercise on page 367, change #1 to $4.00! #2. You just got home and started playing video games or got on the phone with a friend and your mom comes in� #4. or friends are taking advantage of you having a car or money

6. Say It With �I� Messagesp. 387 When you� I feel� Because (not required unless it�s a judge or law enforcement officer!) I�d like or I�d prefer� Write your own response and then share it with the group. Do #2 and then #6 in class. Finish the others at home.

7. Conflict Advantages It is a symptom of discontent It produces change for the better It produces gains, innovations, and new ideas. It fosters unity and understanding It brings about behavior changes

8. Conflict Disadvantages It escalates arguments It leads to hostility and fear When it is suppressed it leads to resentment and disrespect

9. Conflict Resolution Strategies Yielding Withdrawing Inaction Contending Problem Solving

10. Conflict Resolution Strategies Yielding: giving into the other person Occurs when: issue isn�t more important, the other�s goals are more important to you than your own, the relationship is unstable (new or stressed), approval from others is important to you or you feel threatened. Advantages: use as a bargaining point, saves time and hassles, prevents escalation of the conflict. Disadvantages: low joint benefits, you are rewarding intimidating behavior, you end up with regrets, you can feel cheated, manipulated, angry at self and others, resentment develops which hinders future cooperation.

11. Conflict Resolution Strategies Withdrawing: abandonment of the conflict, physically or psychologically. Occurs when: there is high concern for self and low concern for others, you have a better alternative, people feel spiteful and angry or threatened. Advantages: diminishes sense of frustration, forces us to find better alternatives, buys time for cooling off and reminds other party they have a stake in the relationship. Disadvantages: conflict is not resolved, low joint benefits, high frustration level is possible, harms future cooperation.

12. Conflict Resolution Strategies Inaction: non-coping strategy that comes from procrastination or denial. Occurs when: low concern for goals, issue seems unimportant, people fear conflict, people do not want to get negative attention. Advantages: if time can solve the problem, avoiding it can be the solution, avoids defensiveness when the issue is sensitive, when confronting the conflict would escalate it. Disadvantages: hostilities grow and fester beneath the surface, the problem compounds, no joint benefits, high social and economic costs, high stress.

13. Conflict Resolution Strategies Contending is: arguing for your way, believing only one person can win and it should be you, comes from a scarcity mentality. Occurs when: high concern for self, low concern for others, fear of losing, hostility and rigidity exist, believe joint gains are impossible, one has the ability to contend such as having position, power, resources, and better alternative, you know the other person will give in. Advantages: winning allows you to feel successful and you get what you want, you appear powerful. Disadvantages: you may feel guilty, people don�t like you, you may get your way and you may have the wrong plan.

14. Six Contentious Tactics Ingratiation: �the more you like me the more you�ll cooperate so I�ll use flattery, our similarities, and do you favors.� Persuasive Argumentation: get others to lower their demands by using a series of logical arguments. Convince them it will cost too much in terms of time, dollars, or status, and convince them it is in their favor to ask for less, use fear!

15. Six Contentious Tactics Promises: �If you do this, I�ll do that� Advantages: promises are usually reciprocated, creates indebtedness, feels like it�s based on a sense of fairness, gives positive incentives instead of threats. Disadvantages: costs you something to keep the promise, you�ll have to offer more reward next time, can ruin you if you don�t follow through, determining the size of the reward is tough, promise too much and you will pay too much, promise too little and you won�t get the cooperation.

16. Six Contentious Tactics Gamesmanship: one-upmanship and manipulation Types of manipulation: 1. The victim 2. Crying or pouting 3. Blaming

17. Six Contentious Tactics Threats: if/then propositions Advantages: cost nothing if they work, more effective in the short run than promises, threatener can benefit when reneging on the threat by looking benevolent, some see threats as a form of justice, i.e. �if you don�t do what I want, you�ll deserve what you get!� Disadvantages: threats beget threats, dislike, suspicion, hostility, aggression, compliance not commitment, avoidance.

18. Six Contentious Tactics Dirty Tactics: personal attacks (character assassination, i.e. you always try to make me feel guilty, you are the problem) lies, sabotage and back stabbing, talking about you to others as though you are the problem.