Gender & Close Friendships

1. Gender & Close Friendships

2. Women’s Friendships“Closeness in Dialogue” • Face to face interaction • Talk is the focus of friendship (confidants) • Personal, disclosive conversation fuels feelings of closeness • Support = listen, empathize, express feeling • Breadth of topics discussed with intimates • Friendship itself may be discussed explicitly

3. Male Deficit Model Many men are not socialized to express emotions verbally Many men are unskilled at disclosure, support, and verbal expressions of feeling This makes men deficient at intimacy Alternate Paths Model Many men are not socialized to express emotions verbally Men express feelings and closeness in alternate ways--doing things with/for others Men have their own ways of experiencing & expressing closeness Two Theoretical Models of Gendered Relationship Styles

4. Men’s Friendships“Closeness in the Doing” • Side by side interaction • Activity is the focus (companions) • Doing things with and for each other fuels closeness • Support = give advice, divert attention • Narrower scope of knowledge & interaction • Friendship seldom explicitly discussed

5. Friendships BetweenWomen & Men • Close friendships between women & men are increasing • Research shows that in cross-sex friendships men talk more and receive more support than women • Women report enjoying “less emotional intensity” in friendships with men • Men report enjoying the greater emotional intensity, empathy, and verbal support in friendships with women • Women report friendships with men are less close than those with women; men report the reverse (GL 205) • Sexual tension is often a perceived problem

6. Gendered Dynamics in Romantic Relationships

7. Different speech communities have different vocabularies • intimacy • for women, it involves communicating deeply and closely • for men, it’s doing things with and for others • love • men fall sooner, harder. • for men, love is “more active, impulsive, sexualized, and game-playing” • for women, “pragmatic and friendship-focused.” * In romance, feminine qualities are valued

8. Relationship work“Responsibility for Relational Health” • Women generally take more responsibility for monitoring a relationship’s health • Women take more responsibility for the “maintenance” work of keeping interaction going and including others

9. The Second Shift • Women who work outside of the home often return home to a “second shift” of work-- child care and housework • Approximately 20% of men in dual-worker families assume half of the responsibilities for home and children • On average, men in dual-worker families today do 10% more “homework” than they did 3 decades ago--from 20% in the 1960s to 30% today • Home tasks that women typically do tend to be repetitive, simultaneous, and time bound

10. Psychological Responsibility • The responsibility to plan, remember, coordinate, and follow-up on matters involving home and family • Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, etc. • Remembering medical check-ups • Remembering when chores are to be done • Planning meals and making sure ingredients are available • Etc, etc, etc…...