Chapter 3 Love in Relationships
Chapter Outline • Descriptions of Love • Love in Social and Historical Context • Theories on the Origins of Love • How Love Develops in a New Relationship • Love as a Context for Problems • Jealousy in Relationships
True or False? • College students report that they are more likely to make relationship decisions with their heart than their head.
Answer: True • College students report that they are more likely to make relationship decisions with their heart than their head.
True or False? • Undergraduate women are more likely than men to believe that “jealousy shows love.”
Answer: False • Women were significantly more likely than men to disagree or to strongly disagree that “jealousy shows how much your partner loves you”: 63.2% of the women, in contrast to 42.6% of the men, disagreed with the statement.
True or False? • Heavy women who lose weight are more likely to become involved in a romantic relationship.
Answer: True • Heavy women who lose weight are more likely to become involved in a romantic relationship.
Romantic vs. Realistic Love • Romantic Love: • Characterized by such beliefs as love at first sight, there is only one true love, and love conquers all. • Symptoms of romantic love include drastic mood swings, palpitations of the heart, and intrusive thoughts about the partner.
Romantic vs. Realistic Love • Realistic Love: • Also known as conjugal love. • Conjugal (married) love is less emotional, passionate, and exciting than romantic love and is characterized by companionship, calmness, comfort, and security.
Triangular View of Love • Sternberg’s “triangular” view of love consists of three basic elements: • Intimacy • Passion • Commitment • The presence or absence of these provides a description of types of love.
Descriptions of Love • Nonlove: • Absence of intimacy, passion, and commitment • Two strangers looking at each other from afar have a nonlove. • Liking: • Intimacy without passion or commitment • A new friendship may be described in these terms of the partners liking each other.
Descriptions of Love • Infatuation • Passion without intimacy or commitment • Two persons flirting with each other in a bar may be infatuated with each other. • Romantic love • Intimacy and passion without commitment • Love at first sight reflects this type of love.
Descriptions of Love • Companionate love • Intimacy and commitment without passion • A couple who have been married for fifty years are said to have a companionate love. • Fatuous love • Passion and commitment without intimacy • A couple who are passionately about each other and talk of the future but do not have an intimate connection with each other.
Descriptions of Love • Empty love • Commitment without passion or intimacy • A couple who stay together for social and legal reasons but who have no spark or sharing between them. • Consummate love • Combination of intimacy, passion, and commitment • Sternberg’s view of the ultimate, all-consuming love.
Conjugal Love • Pg. 73 • This couple reflects conjugal love. • They are happily married, have reared two children, and enjoy their lives together.
Question • Steinberg's triangular view of love consists of three basic elements, which are • intercourse, passion, and commitment. • intimacy, friendship, and commitment. • intimacy, passion, and commitment. • intimacy, compassion, and commitment.
Answer: C • Steinberg's triangular view of love consists of three basic elements, which are intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Love Styles • Ludus • Views love as a game, refuses to become dependent, and does not encourage another’s intimacy. • Pragma • The love of the pragmatic, who is logical and rational. • Eros • A love style of passion and romance.
Love Styles • Mania • The person with mania love style feels intense emotion and sexual passion but is out of control. • Storge • A calm, soothing, nonsexual love devoid of intense passion. • Agape • A love style that is selfless and giving.
Ludite Style of Love • The main character in the movie Alfie was a ludic lover, juggling different women and committing to none of them. • Pg. 77
Eros Style of Love • This university couple reflects the eros style of love, which is one of passion and romance. • Pg. 78
Question • Which type of love is also known as conjugal love? • ludic love • agape love • realistic love • passive love
Answer: C • Realistic love is also known as conjugal love.
Social Control of Love • Examples: • Over 95% of people marry someone of their own racial background. • Individuals attracted to someone of the same sex quickly feel the social and cultural disapproval of this attraction.
Buddhist Conception of Love • The Buddhists conceived of two types of love: • “unfortunate” kind of love (self-love) • A “good” kind of love (creative spiritual attainment).
Greek and Hebrew Conceptions of Love • Phileo • Based on friendship, can exist between family members, friends, and lovers. • Agape • Based on a concern for the well-being of others. Spiritual, not sexual, in nature. • Eros • Sexual love.
Question • Which type of love is based on friendship and can exist between or among family, friends, and lovers? • agape • eros • phileo • "good" love
Answer: C • Phileo is based on friendship and can exist between or among family, friends, and lovers.
Love in Medieval Europe • Love in the 1100s was a concept influenced by economic, political, and family structure. • Marriages of the sons and daughters of the aristocracy were arranged with the heirs of other states with whom an alliance was sought.
Question • Which of the following introduced three concepts of love: phileo, agape and eros? • Greeks • Romans • Christians • Buddhists
Answer: A • The Greeks introduced three concepts of love: phileo, agape and eros.
Theories on the Origins of Love • Evolutionary Theory • Love has an evolutionary purpose and creates a bond between parents when their offspring are dependent infants. • Learning Theory • Emphasizes that love feelings develop in response to certain behaviors occurring in certain contexts.
Theories on the Origins of Love • Sociological Theory • Uses the wheel model to describe how love develops. The stages of love include rapport, self revelation, mutual dependency, and personality need fulfillment. • Psychosexual Theory • Love results from blocked biological sexual desires.
Theories on the Origins of Love • Biochemical Theory • Suggests that there may be a biochemical basis for love feelings. • Attachment Theory • Emphasizes that a primary motivation in life is to be connected with other people.
Question • Which theory emphasizes that love feelings develop in response to certain behaviors occurring within certain contexts? • evolutionary theory • attachment theory • learning theory • ontological theory
Answer: C • Learning theory emphasizes that love feelings develop in response to certain behaviors occurring within certain contexts.
Question • Which theory states that love arises from a lack of wholeness in our being? • psychosexual theory • learning theory • evolutionary theory • ontological theory
Answer: D • Ontological theory states that love arises from a lack of wholeness in our being.
How Love Develops in a New Relationship • Society promotes love through popular music, movies, television, and novels. • Probability of being in a relationship is influenced by the cultural ideal of physical appearance. • Self-esteem and self-disclosure are associated with the development of healthy love relationships. • The individual must be physiologically aroused.
Benefits of Self-Esteem • It allows one to be open and honest about both strengths and weaknesses. • It allows one to feel generally equal to others. • It allows one to take responsibility for one’s own feelings, ideas, mistakes, and failings. • It allows for the acceptance of strengths and weaknesses in one’s self and others.
Benefits of Self-Esteem • It allows one to validate one’s self and not to expect the partner to do this. • It permits one to feel empathy • It allows separateness and interdependence, as opposed to fusion and dependence.
Love as a Context for Problems • Sometimes the development of one love relationship is at the expense of another. • Some people report being in love with two people at the same time. • Some are in love with someone who is emotionally or physically abusive.
Love as a Context for Problems • Context for Risky/Dangerous/Questionable Choices • Individuals are aware that love may cause problems. • Some research suggests that individuals in love make risky/dangerous/questionable decisions.
Love as a Context for Problems • Stalking • A repeated malicious pursuit that threatens the safety of the victim. • It may involve following a victim; threats of physical harm to the victim, one’s self, or another person; or restricting the behavior of the victim, including kidnapping or home invasion.
External Causes of Jealousy • External factors refer to behaviors the partner engages in that are interpreted as: • Emotional and/or sexual interest in someone (or something) else. • A lack of emotional and/or sexual interest in the primary partner.