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Communication

Communication plays a crucial role in relationships. This text explores the importance of constructive interaction, truthfulness, non-verbal communication, and the impact of ambiguous messages. It also covers active listening, feedback, and the use of "I" statements to express feelings effectively. Additionally, it discusses destructive patterns of interaction and the role of alexithymia in communication challenges.

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Communication

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  1. Communication Communication: • extremely important. Most problems involve communication failure Patterns of Interaction: • constructive vs. destructive • constructive interaction strengthens human bonds and enhances self-esteem • Intimacy entails mutual self-disclosure. Need for truthfulness, leads to trust. Trust strengthens intimacy.

  2. Communication (Cont’d): • Truth in Sex: • Private vs. Public Talk • Importance of non-verbal communication (90%) • Intent: • what you mean to say • Impact: • what the other hears • Need for frequent clarification of both

  3. Communication (Cont’d): • Ambiguous vs. Non-Ambiguous Messages • Fair Fighting • Misinterpretation of Sex Signals • Focus 10.2: • Tannen’s Work • Men tend to use language for information, status and one-upmanship • Women tend to use language to get close, for intimacy, sharing, rapport • Recent research shows #s not so great, but are there

  4. Communication (Cont’d): • Receiving message: • active listening • non-defensive • really listen • feedback: • I heard you say … paraphrasing • Validation • Non-Verbal Communication

  5. Communication (Cont’d): • Active Listening: • attentive body language, appropriate facial expressions, asking questions, making brief comments • Paraphrasing, showing true understanding of the message: • rephrasing in own words what the listener heard. Opportunity to clarify misunderstandings.

  6. Communication (Cont’d): • Feedback: • communicate verbally our reaction to the message • Acceptance of Message: • I really appreciate your telling me this. Your disclosure sheds a lot of light on our problem. What you told me makes it easier for me to understand where you’re coming from.

  7. Communication (Cont’d): • Unconditional Positive Regard • Conveying that you love the person no matter what they reveal • When questioning, use open-ended questions rather than yes/no questions • E.g. of yes/no: • Do you like oral sex? • Did you come? • E.g. of open-ended: • What gives you the most pleasure? • Where do you like to be touched? • What are your feelings about oral sex?

  8. Communication (Cont’d): • “I” statements” • “You don’t care about me” vs. “I feel ignored”. • “You upset me” vs. “I’m upset”. • “You don’t love me” vs. “I feel unloved”.

  9. Communication (Cont’d): • Documenting: • stick to specifics • Leveling: • be honest and clear • Editing: • leave out hurtful comments

  10. Communication (Cont’d): • Alexithymia: • Inability to verbalize one’s feelings or emotions, or even be aware of them. • Very common in men. • Due to gender role socialization. • In today’s context it has become dysfunctional.

  11. Communication (Cont’d): • Alexithymia: • Fear, sadness and shame: • transformed into aggression • Caring emotions: • transformed into sex

  12. Communication (Cont’d): • Destructive patterns of interaction: • Criticism • Contempt • Defensiveness • Attack • Withdrawal, stonewalling

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