Chapter 4 Listening & Talking to Your Child

1. Chapter 4Listening & Talking to Your Child

2. communication Is the To most relationships

3. Listening To Your Child

4. How To Be A Good Listener • Why is listening for feelings important? • Understanding • Think about what and why • Solve problems • Talking about feelings OK

5. How To Be A Good Listener • Listen for feelings • Listen with your body • hear the feelings • Use reflective listening (not paraphrasing)

6. Reflective Listening • Reflecting what you think your child feels and says. • Use the words “you feel” and “because”. • Sample in the book – carnival. • Overused words • Good, bad, upset.

7. How to be a Good Listener Look for “body” feelings • Frown or a smile • Throwing things • State the feeling

8. Feelings • “Frowning.” • “Face is happy” • “Looks Upset.”

9. Feelings • Things to keep in mind • Surprised Child. • Respectful Questioning. • Check your feelings • Help with saying no. • Not always necessary.

10. Reflective Listening • Check your feelings • RL helps when you have to say no. • Give feedback • Then your child will know you understand his/her feelings.

11. Reflective Listening Formula

12. REFLECTIVE LISTENING 1. You’re (insert feeling word) for or because (state reason for the feeling). 2. Sounds like you’re (insert feeling word or phrase).

13. Reflective listening 3. You seem (insert feeling word or phrase). 4. It seems like you are feeling (insert feeling word or phrase). 5. Sounds like you’re feeling sort of (insert feeling word or phrase).

14. Reflective Listening Worksheet

15. Talking to Your Child

16. You - Messages Put Children Down

17. Can’t You See Those Dirty Dishes?

18. How Many Times do I have to Tell YOU?!

19. How to Talkso your Child will Listen • Respectfully • Calmly • Without Blame

20. I-Messages – 3 parts • When ……… • I feel …………. • because ………….

21. YOU ARE LATE AGAIN! • When you are late….. • I feel worried….. • because you may be hurt or need help

22. You Live Like a PIG! • When our house is a mess…. • I feel upset ......... • because I took a lot of time cleaning to make it look good.

23. Instead of Accusing Give Information • Who drank milk and left the bottle standing out? • Kids, milk turns sour when it isn’t refrigerated.

24. Instead of blamingdescribe the problem • You are so irresponsible! You always start the tub and then forget about it. Do you want us to have a flood? • The water in the bath tub is getting close to the top.

25. Take noticeSum it up in a word • You stood up for your friend even though the other kids made fun of him. That’s __________.

26. Take NoticeSum it up in a word • You only ate a little sliver of cake, even though you love it. That really takes ___________.

27. Listening and Talking

28. KEEP PRACTICING

29. Rapid fire ball • Communication is important for _________ • Children want parents to _____, _______ and ________ their feelings • When you use reflective listening you reflect ______ and ______ for the feeling. • Start by using the words ______ and __________ • You messages ____ ____ and _____ children • I messages tell how ___ _____ without ________ • To use an I message tell what is _________, what ___ ____ and why ___ ____ ____ ___ • Avoid using ____ I messages. If you are ____, __ ___ and ____ ____