My Little Sister Tootie. By: James. TOOT!. U.R. Gross Publishing. Joseph Jones came home from school and ran inside his house. “ Ewww ! ”said Joseph. “What is that horrible stench?”
U.R. Gross Publishing
Joseph Jones came home from school and ran inside his house. “Ewww!”said Joseph. “What is that horrible stench?”
“That is the bi-product of flatulence,” said a Jones family friend, Dr. Brown, as he was leaving the kitchen.
“Flat-U-what?” asked Joseph.
And then (excuse me) Jenny was like (excuse me) so surprised (excuse me) . .
“Flatulence is when gas from the digestive process builds up in your system and releases through your buttocks. It’s what many people commonly call ‘farting’,” explained Dr. Brown.
“Is that why you’re here?” Joseph asked.
“Yes; your mother called me to see why your sister was over-producing flatulence,” Dr. Brown replied.
“Yes; please help us!” Joseph implored.
“It’s apparent that Tina has a problem with flatulence. Please tell me about her diet over the past few days,” said Dr. Brown.
“Let me think…” Ms. Jones said.
Cough . . . Cough . . .
“Well, for breakfast Tina, we call her ‘Tootie’, whole grain toast and milk. She had a high-fiber bar for a snack. For lunch, she had chili and broccoli. And for dinner she had a vegetable stew with radishes, turnips, rutabagas, peppers, onions, garlic, and an orange sodato drink,” said Mrs. Jones.
“Don’t forget dessert!” Tootie yelled.
“Oh yes,” Ms. Jones remembered, “for dessert she had vanilla ice cream with candied cashews.”
“Wow,” Doctor Brown said.
“What?” Joseph said curiously. “Does that have anything to do what’s going on with ‘Miss Farts-A-Lot’?”
“Indeed,” said Doctor Brown.
“Tootie’s flatulence seems to be caused by the foods she’s been eating,” said Dr. Brown. “Many of the foods she ate yesterday can cause flatulence. The drinks she had can also cause excessive flatulence in many people. High fiber foods are good for you, but in excess, they can cause problems like this.”
“I knew she shouldn’t have eaten that soup,” Joseph said to himself.
“She can still eat those foods, Joseph, but it is better to each smaller portions,” said Dr. Brown.
“But I love Mom’s food,” Tootie complained.
“Don’t worry; you can still eat your Mom’s food, but you should avoid overeating and drinking soda which can cause you to have worse gas,” explained Dr. Brown.
“Okay; that will work,” Tootie said happily.
“Before I go, would you like to hear some cool facts about flatulence?”
“Sure,” giggled Joseph.
“Did you know that the average person produces a half liter of flatulence a day?” asked Dr. Brown.
“No way!” Tootie said surprised.
One Liter of Soda
Half Liter of Farts
“Yes,” Dr. Brown confirmed. “Did you know farts are flammable as well.”
“What?!” Ms. Jones said surprised.
“No way! They are?” asked Joseph mischievously.
Dr. Brown confirmed. “Let me explain it to you.”
“Farts contain several gases including methane which is extremely flammable,” explained Dr. Brown.
“So if you get a lit match, put it by your butt, and farted it could start a fire?” Tootie asked.
“That’s right,” said Dr. Brown.
“I learned this fact in school! Did you know that farts can come blazing out your butt at 7 miles per hour?” Tootie asked.
“Well, I didn’t know the exact speed…, nor did I really want to know that,” Dr. Brown replied.
As he walked towards the door, Dr. Brown said, “Wow; time sure does fly. I’m missing The Simpsons. Goodbye everyone!”
“Bye Dr. Brown,” replied the family, ”And thank you!”
Bye! (excuse me)