Chapter 11

1. Chapter 11 Writing Effective Sentences

2. Writing Effective Sentences • Good tech communication sentences should be clear, correct, and graceful • Structuring effective sentences • Choosing the right words and phrases Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

3. Structuring Effective Sentences • Use lists. • Emphasize new and important information. • Choose an appropriate sentence length. • Focus on the “real” subject. • Focus on the “real” verb. • Use parallel structures. • Use modifiers effectively. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

4. Guidelines for Creating Effective Lists • Set off each listed item with a number, a letter, or a symbol (usually a bullet). • Break up long lists. • Present the items in a parallel structure. • Structure and punctuate the lead-in correctly. • Punctuate the list correctly. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

5. 1. Using ListsLong & Complicated Sentences • We recommend that more work on heat-exchanger performance be done with a larger variety of different fuels at the same temperature, with similar fuels at different temperatures, and with special fuels such as diesel fuel and shale-oil-derived fuels. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

6. 1. Using ListsVertical Lists • We recommend that more work on heat-exchanger performance be done • with a larger variety of different fuels at the same temperature • with similar fuels at different temperatures • with special fuels such as diesel fuel and shale-oil-derived fuels Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

7. 1. Using ListsNumbered Lists • We recommend that more work on heat-exchanger performance be done (1) with a larger variety of different fuels at the same temperature, (2) with similar fuels at different temperatures and, (3) with special fuels such as diesel fuel and shale-oil-derived fuels. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

8. 1. Using ListsGuidelines for Creating Effective Lists • Set off each listed item with a number, a letter, or a symbol (usually a bullet). • Break up long lists of 10 or more items. • Present the items in a parallel structure. • Starts with a verb phrase Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

9. 1. Using ListsGuidelines for Creating Effective Lists • Structure and punctuate the lead-in correctly. • If lead-in is independent clause, use a colon • Following are the three main assets: • If lead-in is dependent clause, use dash or no punctuation • The committee found that the employee– • The committee found that the employee • Punctuate the list correctly. • items are phrases • The items are complete sentences. • Others. See page 228. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

10. 2. Emphasize New & Important Information • Place new information at the end of the sentence. • Because of labor shortages, we expect a three week delay. • Three week delay is the new information. • Do not end the sentence with information that blunts the impact of the new information. • The joint could fail under special circumstances. (Weak) • Under special circumstances, the joint could fail. (Better) • Put new or difficult terms at the end of the sentence. • You use a wired glove to point to objects. (Weak) • To point to objects, you use a wired glove. (Better) Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

11. 3. Appropriate Sentence Length • Average sentence length of 15 to 20 words • Use variety of lengths • 10 words is too choppy • Series of 35+ word sentences is too demanding • Succession of same length sentences too monotonous • Avoid overly long sentences • Break apart or use lists • Avoid overly short sentences • Combine sentences Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

12. 4. Focus on the “Real” Subject • Don’t bury the real subject in a prepositional phrase. • The weak subject will hide the real subject. • Weak: The use of this method would eliminate the problem of motor damage. • Strong: This method would eliminate the problem of motor damage. • Weak subjects usually precede the of. • Reduce number of expletives (there is, it is, there are). Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

13. 5. Focus on the “Real” Verb • Watch out for inappropriate verb nominalizations. • Verbs turned into nouns • Weak: Each preparation of the solution is done twice. • Strong: Each solution is prepared twice. • Search for character strings such as tion, ment, sis, ence, ing, and ance. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

14. 6. Use Parallel Structures • Coordinated elements follow same grammatical form • Verb form • Nonparallel: Our present system is costing us profits and reduces our productivity. • Parallel: Our present system is costing us profits and reducing our productivity. • Overlap in a series of items • Overlapped: The speakers will include partners of law firms, businesspeople, and civic leaders. • The speakers will include businesspeople, civic leaders, and partners of law firms. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

15. Use Modifiers Effectively • Distinguish between restrictive and nonrestrictive modifiers. • Avoid misplaced modifiers. • Avoid dangling modifiers. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

16. 7. Use Modifiers Effectively • Avoid misplaced modifiers because placement may determine the meaning of the sentence • Only Turner received a cost-of-living increase last year. • No one else received one • Turner received only a cost-of-living increase last year. • Didn’t receive a merit increase • Turner received a cost-of-living increase only last year. • Received as recently as last year • Turner received a cost-of-living increase last year only. • No other year Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

17. Choosing the Right Words and Phrases • Select an appropriate level of formality. • Be clear and specific. • Be concise. • Use inoffensive language. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

18. 1. Appropriate Level of Formality • Two problems with informal writing • Informal writing tends to be imprecise. • Informal writing can be embarrassing. • Consider audience, subject and purpose • More formally to executives than students, etc. • More formally about serious subjects such as safety procedures vs. office party • More formally in a formal report than a newsletter • Err on the side of formality! Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

19. Levels of Formality Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

20. 2. Be Clear and Specific • Active vs. passive voice (pp. 236-237) • Active: Dave drove the launch vehicle. • Passive: The launch vehicle was driven by Dave. • In most cases, active voice is better • Emphasizes the agent • Shorter sentences • Passive better in four cases: • Agent is clear from the context • Agent is unknown • Agent is less important than action • Referencing the agent is inappropriate Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

21. 2. Be Clear and Specific • Be specific • Use precise words • Ford Taurus is an automobile, a vehicle, a machine, and a thing. • Provide adequate detail • An engine on the plane experienced some difficulties. (Which engine, what plane, what kind of difficulties?) • Avoid ambiguity • After stirring for 10 seconds, add three drops of the iodine mixture to the solution. (stirring what?) Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

22. 2. Be Clear and Specific • Use jargon (shoptalk) only with a technically knowledgeable audience. • cold-swap the drive • Avoid unnecessary jargon because: • It can be imprecise. • It can be confusing. • It is often seen as condescending. • It is often intimidating. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

23. 2. Be Clear and Specific • Use positive constructions: what something is instead of what something is not • most vs. not all • few vs. not many • on time vs. not late • Avoid long noun strings. • Preregistration procedures instruction sheet update • Fine if the reader understands them: • Flat-panel monitor, passive-restraint system Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

24. 2. Be Clear and Specific • Avoid clichés. • thinking outside the box, pushing the envelope, mission critical, paradigm shift • Good writing is original and fresh. • Avoid euphemisms (polite way of saying something offensive) • use the restroom • dehiring, downsizing, personnel surplus reduction Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

25. 3. Be Concise • Avoid obvious statements. • The market for the sale of flash memory chips… • Better: The market for flash memory chips… • Avoid fillers. • Commonly used in speech: basically, essentially, sort of, kind of • Redundant expressions: collaborate together, past history, end result, completely eliminate Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

26. 3. Be Concise • Avoid unnecessary prepositional phrases. • The increase in the number of students enrolled in the materials-engineering program at Lehigh University is a testament to the regardin which that program is held by the university's new students. (Better version on p. 242) • Avoid wordy phrases (Table 11.1) • a majority of vs. most • a number of vs. many, some • Avoid pompous words (Table 11.2) • Advise vs. tell; initiate vs. begin Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

27. 4. Use Inoffensive LanguageUse Nonsexist Language • Let’s be PC!!! • Replace the male-gender words with non-gender-specific words. • Chairperson, businessperson, firefighters • Switch to a different form of the verb. • Sexist: The operator must pass rigorous tests before he is promoted. • Better: The operator must pass rigorous tests before being promoted. • Plural: Operators must pass rigorous tests before they are promoted. • Switch to he or she, he/she, s/he, or his or her. • Address the reader directly. • You, your • Alternate he and she. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

28. 4. Use Inoffensive LanguageGuidelines for the People-First Approach • Refer to the person first, the disability second. • People with mental retardation rather than the mentally retarded people • Don't confuse handicap with disability. • Don't refer to victimization. • A person with AIDS not an AIDS victim • Don't refer to a person as "wheelchair bound" or "confined to a wheelchair." • Don't refer to people with disabilities as abnormal. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

29. Preparing Text for Translation • Use short sentences. • Use the active voice. • Use simple words. • Include a glossary. • Use words that have only one meaning. • Use pronouns carefully. • Avoid jokes, puns, and culture-bound references. Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences