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G. Fixed Schedule Elbow: (From the Latin Schedulus Impossiblus .) A common ailment in which patients wish to increase their activity level but feel trapped by a rigid and
G. Fixed Schedule Elbow: (From the Latin SchedulusImpossiblus.) A common ailment in which patients wish to increase their activity level but feel trapped by a rigid and
inflexible environment.Symptoms may include temporary paralysis, inability to complete tasks, increased heart
rate and a feeling of helplessness.
A. Collabophobia:A debilitating ailment in which the patient
fears working with others and/or taking on a leadership role when working with others.Symptoms may include sweaty palms, night terrors, decreased effectiveness and eventual extinction.
B. Mono Pedogitus: (Also known as Sit and Get Disease) An ailment in which the patient is only able to deliver lecture based instruction. Symptoms may
include chapped lips, muscle cramps and a
tendency to shout.
H. Astagnantism: (Also known as Professional Dwarfism) An ailment in which the patient simply
quits growing. Though sometimes triggered by
Power Point Poisoning, this ailment is linked to
low levels of the hormone commonly associated
with curiosity and a love of learning. Symptoms may include lethargy, dry mouth and shrinking of the brain.
C. DATAticulitus: An ailment in which the patient appears to be allergic to the use of data. This easily cured ailment is often exacerbated by the patient’s reliance on ancient remedies such as “but that’s what I’ve always done.” Symptoms may include blurred vision, repeating oneself and the inability to hit
I. SHHHHHHHHHingles: An ailment in which the patient becomes convinced that learning is defined by absolute
quiet. In extreme cases, the patient may develop an addiction to straight rows, worksheets and seating charts.
Symptoms may include dry skin, sensitivity to noise and increased anxiety.
D. Digiphobia: (From the Latin Printmydia). The
chronic and debilitating fear of technology which causes the patient to prefer old, out of date, ineffective resources to up to date digital alternatives. Symptoms may include hang nails, frequent sinus infections and a premature greying of the hair.
J. Qauntitasia: (From the Latin SpinusLabelitus. Also
known as Lexile Fever).An ailment in which the patient
displays numeric obsessions – specifically toward
quantitative measures used for text selection. Symptoms may include forgetting names, seeing people as numbers and obsessively placing green dots on every surface.
E. OTD: (Also known as Obsessive Technology Disorder or Gadget Gravitas). A psychological ailment that causes the patient to fixate on technology as the key to student learning. Symptoms may include muscle twitching, carpel tunnel and the inability to focus on one thing at a time.
K. Curriculonesia: An ailment in which the patient seemingly has no knowledge of the NC SCOS and/or ITES. Symptoms may include memory loss, rash decision making and occasional dizziness.
L. Move Over Mania: (From the Latin IwouldtellyoubutThenidhavetokillyou). A common ailment that causes the
patient to think he/she is the only one capable of fixing
technical problems. Symptoms include spontaneous
shouting of the word “move!” and swelling of the head.
F. Old Schooliosis: (Also known as School Marm Mania) An ailment in which the patient lacks confidence in her ability to assume a leadership role. Symptoms may include speaking in hushed tones, difficulty making eye contact and a tendency to hide in small places.