Chapter 6

1. Chapter 6 Interpersonal Skills

2. Repeated Interpersonal Situations • Making introductions • Making apologies • Giving directions • Making requests • Asking questions • Answering questions • Conversations

3. Standards for Decision Making Assertiveness: the ability to express yourself directly and convey exactly what needs to be said.

4. Standards for Decision Making • Tact: the ability to understand the difficulty of a situation and then do or say the kindest or most fitting thing

5. Standards for Decision Making • Courtesy: is typically following a set of prescribed behaviors that stress the respect for individuals.

6. Standards for Decision Making • Specificity: Talking about something definite, specific, less room for misunderstanding

7. Standards for Decision Making • Relevance: relating a message to the content and communication that has taken place

8. Standards for Decision Making • Sincerity: is honest and natural; listeners believe that the sender feels this way.

9. Hierarchy – people organized according to authority or importance Small Business One owner Few employees Large Business CEO, Vice-President, Supervisors, Managers, Dept. Head Hundreds or Thousands of Employees

10. Hierarchy • Subordinate – person below you on organizational chart • Superior – person above you on organizational chart • Peer – person of equal rank or authority on organizational chart

11. Communicating in a Hierarchy • The individual interests are expected to be less valued than the organizational interests. • Hierarchy benefits the hierarchy. • Self-expression is important, and people need to do it, however, success often depends on restrictions of free communication.

12. Communicating in a Hierarchy • Employees can criticize their boss/es only in certain ways or times. • To criticize inappropriately, while it might be accurate, can hurt the organization

13. Communicating in a HierarchyPeers – equal rank/authority; provides business and social interaction. *Peers have equal access to information Therefore, they can speak freely. *Peers have no power or authority over each other. Communication is risk free. *Peers share equal responsibilities; they understand the others’ position

14. Communicating in a Hierarchy Subordinate to Superior • Not the same level of freedom as between peers • Without equal access to information in general • Superior often just listens • Subordinate expected to respect, listen to, defer to, and trust the judgment of the superior • Superior gets respect because of his placement in the hierarchy

15. Communicating in a Hierarchy Superior to Subordinate • Good leaders/superiors, show respect, consideration, and trust for their subordinates • Effective communication between superior and subordinate does not erase the difference in responsibility and authority • Use empathy to understand each other’s role in the hierarchy

16. Making Introductions • Names – the most important piece of information, state clearly • Titles – helps place person in the hierarchy even if different organizations • Relevance – explain why people are present; helps to start a conversation

17. Making Introductions • Introduce person lower on the hierarchy to the person who is higher or younger to older. • Be sensitive to titles, “doctor” or “professor” Kelly, I’d like to introduce Danita Powell. Danita is the assistant director of human resources helping us make some personal planning decisions. Danita, this is Kelly Francis our service director here to list her needs for new hires.

18. Making Introductions • Smile – you never know who you’ll meet…love of your life or the person who’ll make you a millionaire • Stand up – shows respect and honor • Eye contact – conveys sincerity and honesty

19. Being Introduced • Listen carefully for the person’s name, title and reason for being present • Make a name note, repeat it several times, link it to something else you can remember • Make eye contact with both the person being introduced and the person you are being introduced to

20. Being Introduced • Shake hands in firm and friendly manner • Smile as evidence of “good will” • Speak – “pleased to meet you” “hello” or “my pleasure” • Initiate opening comment to open conversation, “I’ve heard so much about your work. I look forward to getting your advice.”

21. The Handshake • Whole hand involved, not just tips of fingers • Palm is vertical, thumb on top • Firm but polite grip. Loose grip is viewed as weakness; hard grip as aggressive/intimidating • 3-4 pumps not exaggerated in degree or number • Women – extend your hand in business and socially…it’s OK!

22. Making Apologies everybody makes mistakes • Be sincere! • Name it and claim it. State what you’ve done wrong and own up to your responsibility. • State briefly why the mistake was made • If possible, offer to make it right and don’t let it happen again • Be brief. Don’t go on and on.

23. Making an Apology “Maya, I’d like to talk about what happened last week before our breakfast. I’m very sorry I referred to you and Diane as “girls.” It was a thoughtless comment. Please accept my apology and my assurance that I will be more sensitive in the future.”

24. Accepting an Apology • Be brief and gracious • Recognize the apology even IF you can’t forgive and forget “I appreciate that you took the time to talk to me about that, and I appreciate your apology.”

25. Giving Directionssimplicity, clarity, and intelligibility • Begin by communicating the goal you must know where you want to go • Know where you are starting… begin where others knowledge ends • Break directions into steps for understanding • Check for understanding • Don’t talk down to someone or treat them as inferior or unknowing

26. Making Requests with a little help from our friends… Everyone needs help from time to time. Work SPAM model when we need information, assistance, cooperation, etc. * Determine whom to ask – who can help you, has the power, time, information

27. Making Requests • Determine the appropriate level of assertiveness. Requests can come as a question, a statement, or a command • Would you please get me the cost estimates for the new salaries? • I would like you to get me the cost estimates for the new salaries. • Please get me the cost estimates for the new salaries. Most people respond better to questions and statements…less to commands.

28. Making Requests • Determine appropriate level of specificity – Be sure that others know what you want and be specific if you want something special. • General – Would you please get me the cost estimates for the new salaries? • Special – Would you please get me the cost estimates for the new salaries? I’d especially appreciate the graphs you used at Tuesday’s meeting and the comparisons you made to last year.

29. Making Requests • Determine appropriate situation/time and place to make the request; not in front of others or when the person is busy. Think about them. • Determine a deadline from sometime this week to some definite time needed • Sometime this week is fine. • I’d like to have the data by Monday afternoon so I can prepare for Tuesday’s meeting.

30. Asking Questions • Assertiveness – Don’t worry about asking a stupid question. If you listen to others and study the subject, then you won’t ask a stupid question. • Tact – be diplomatic. Don’t ask difficult questions to put others “on the spot” or to “challenge authority.”

31. Asking Questions • Courtesy – don’t butt in, wait for an appropriate opening for the question. Use “please” to ask and “thank you” to response. • Specificity – Ask the question in a manner that allows someone to understand exactly what you need to know.

32. Asking Questions • Relevance – Question should relate to the situation, the person you’re asking, or a shared task. • Sincerity – A sincere question is one for which you truly want or need an answer. Don’t ask to distract or to be a smart-aleck.

33. Answering Questions • Tact – respond to a question in a way that respects the individual asking. You can help a person ask more questions by being tactful. • Courtesy – Sometimes thank the person for asking a strategic question or one that help you make your point.

34. Asking Questions • Specificity – Specific answers are better than general answers • Relevance – relate answer to question and provide complete and specific information, but not more than necessary.

35. Strategic Questioning • The helping question – helps bring out more information you think will help with further understanding • The Rhetorical question – make to make a point, not really to uncover information

36. Strategic Questioning • Challenging question – question to challenge someone’s position and make your own point • Leading question – asking a question designed to elicit the response you want.

37. Conversations • Is oral – out loud • Spontaneous – not scripted • Informal – follows few rules • Relevance – maintains a logic of its own; gracefully moves from one topic to another • Tact –minimize embarrassment; keep in areas beneficial to all

38. Conversations • Courtesy – don’t interrupt, make eye contact, pay attention to less interesting topics, speak in a language others understand, don’t use embarrassing or offensive language, don’t do other things while listening • Sincerity – convey your interest in others with appropriate nonverbal behavior: leaning forward, eye contact, and so forth