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Challenges and Advances in Treating Male Partners of Female Sex and Love Addicts

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This presentation from the SASH Conference 2012 discusses the unique challenges faced by male partners of female sex and love addicts. Presenters Marnie C. Ferree and Linda Hudson explore the cultural stereotypes, shame, and emotional trauma that male co-addicts experience. The session also addresses the co-addiction model, the profound impact of betrayal and disclosure, and effective treatment strategies that focus on both partners' recovery. It highlights the necessity of understanding addiction as a family disease and the significance of addressing relational betrayal and emotional abuse in treatment.

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Challenges and Advances in Treating Male Partners of Female Sex and Love Addicts

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  1. Making Advances And You Thought Treating Female Partners Was Challenging! Treating Male Partners of FSLAs • SASH Conference 2012 • San Antonio, Texas, September 20, 2012 • Marnie C. Ferree & Linda Hudson Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts

  2. MALE PARTNERS - INVISIBLE ONES • Unique shame • Cultural stereotypes Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  3. ADDITION IS A FAMILY DISEASE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  4. ADDITION IS A FAMILY DISEASE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  5. MODELS FOR TREATING PARTNERS • Strong disagreement about best approach • Strong agreement about commonalities Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  6. CHARACTERISTICS OF MALE PARTNERS • Angry • Also addicted • Avoidant PAIN Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  7. SYSTEMS THEORY Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  8. SYSTEMS THEORY • Roles • Rules • Attachment issues Sex and love addiction is an intimacy disorder. Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  9. CO-ADDICTION MODEL NOT responsible for addict’s behavior. IS responsible for own personal and relationship issues. Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  10. CO-ADDICTS HAVE OWN ISSUES OF… • Trauma • Unhealthy Coping • Impaired Intimacy Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  11. HISTORY OF ABUSE Carnes, P. (1991). Don’t call it love: Recovering from sexual addiction. Minneapolis, MN: Compcare Publishers. Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  12. CO-ADDICT’S COPING STRATEGIES • Search and seizure • Control • Complain • Threaten • Ignore • Rage • Focus on kids/ work • Manipulate • Withdraw/shut down • Become more sexual • Engage in own addiction • Tolerate impaired intimacy • Self-righteousness Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  13. CO-ADDICTION IS… • Focusing on someone else’s life • Believing you can control people and events outside yourself • An obsession with the possibility Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  14. TRAUMA MODEL • “Partner sensitive” emphasis that focuses on “sexual addition-induced trauma.” • Partner receives equal clinical attention • Steffens & Means (2009). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse - How Partners Can Cope and Heal Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  15. TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY OR DISCLOSURE • Creates PTSD-like symptoms (in 70% of a small study) Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  16. TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY OR DISCLOSURE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  17. TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY OR DISCLOSURE • Creates PTSD-like symptoms (in 70% of a small study) • Causes constant triggering, reactivity, hypervigilance, panic, anxiety, somatic symptoms • Normal, predictable responses of people who have been deeply betrayed Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  18. PARTNER’S WORK: ATTENDING TO MULTIPLE TRAUMAS • Relational betrayal, deception, emotional abuse, marginalization, manipulation • “Gaslighting” by sex addict • “Treatment-induced” trauma Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  19. EFFECTIVE TREATMENT Dual Track: Addressing betrayal Addressing core issues Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  20. EFFECTIVE TREATMENT Grieving Dual Track: Addressing betrayal Addressing core issues Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addictswww.sash.net/makingadvances

  21. DISCLOSURE • Disclosing Secrets • Surviving Disclosure • by Deborah Corley & Jennifer Schneider Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

  22. Belief System PARTNER’S SYSTEM Impaired Thinking Unmanageability Preoccupation Fantasy • Partner’s • Cycle Distraction Strategies Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances Despair Crisis

  23. HEALING • Boundaries • Unique Issues/Challenges Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts www.sash.net/makingadvances

  24. Making AdvancesA Comprehensive Guide for TreatingFemale Sex and Love Addicts Edited by Marnie C. Ferree Writers: Susan J. Campling Robin Cato M. Deborah Corley Marnie C. Ferree Linda Hudson Alexandra Katehakis Kelly McDaniel Anna Valenti-Anderson Jill Vermeire Sonnee Weedn All proceeds benefit the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Healthwww.sash.net/makingadvances

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