Virginia Satir’s Communication Styles. counsellingcentral.com / virginia - satir ... communication -modes .
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Virginia Satir was a world-renowned family therapist for forty-five years until her death in1988. She dedicated her life to helping people grow and heal and is recognized by many as “one of the most influential modern psychologists and a founder of family therapy.”
ComputerIf you are the computer, you are very correct, very reasonable, with no semblance of any feeling showing.
BlamerThe blamer is a fault-finder, a dictator, a boss. If you are a blamer, you act superior and seem to be saying: "If it weren't for you, everything would be all right.
PlacaterThe placater always talks in an ingratiating way, trying to please, apologizing, never disagreeing, no matter what. If you are a placater, you are a "yes man." You talk as though you could do nothing for yourself; you must always get someone to approve of you. You owe everybody gratitude, and you really are responsible for everything that goes wrong.
DistractorWhatever the distractor does or says is irrelevant to what anyone else is saying or doing.
PlacatingA person who has a placating stance views others and context to hold more value than their own true feelings. They are nice when they do not feel nice, they take the blame when things go wrong, they try to alleviate others problems and pain. Physiological effects that placators typically experience are digestive tract disorders, migraines and constipation. The placator respects the context and the others, while disrespecting themselves.
BlamingA person who has a blaming stance discounts others and counts only the self and context. They hold the belief that they must not be weak, they harass and accuse others for continually making things go wrong. They say things to themselves like “If it wasn’t for …, I wouldn’t be in this mess” and “I’ll beat the…out of you!” A typical physiological complaint of a blamer is chronic stiffness due to rapid and shallow breathing. The blamer respects the context and and themselves, while disrespecting others.
Being Super-ReasonableA super-reasonable person discounts himself and others and respects context only. He frequently knows lots of information and works solely from a logical or objective perspective. He says to himself things like “Everything is just a matter of logic, emotions are a waste of time” and “I must be more intelligent and show how intelligent I am.” Physiologically this stance is rather dry! The super reasonable person only respects the context, while disrespecting themselves and others.
Being IrrelevantA person that is irrelevant discounts self, others and context. An irrelevant person is often seen as amusing or a clown. They can distract attention away from any stressful situation. Their internal dialogue will be about anything other than the matter in hand. They are physically active and inattentive by whistling, singing, blinking or fidgeting. They may appear unbalanced. The irrelevant person has no respect for themselves, others and the context.
done long enough.
So what is a good stance? Virginia Satir called this stance leveling or flowing.
When there is a problem, she will deal appropriately rather than shoving it under the rug.