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Beyond Emotional Intelligence Accessing the Wisdom in Relationships and Systems. Carole S. Napolitano Principal, Synergies 8 th Annual Capital Coaches Conference June 2, 2011.

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beyond emotional intelligence accessing the wisdom in relationships and systems

Beyond Emotional IntelligenceAccessing the Wisdom in Relationships and Systems

Carole S. Napolitano

Principal,Synergies

8th Annual

Capital Coaches Conference

June 2, 2011

slide2
Overview of the SessionSampling approaches from Organizational and Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC)*
  • Types of relational intelligences
  • The concept of the 3rd entity™
      • the system as focus of attention
      • revealing the wisdom in the system
  • The principle of Deep Democracy
      • voices that live in the system
  • Informal constellating
  • Blank access questions

* Developed by the Center for Right Relationship

types of relational intelligences
Types of Relational Intelligences

Emotional intelligence = relationship with self

Social intelligence = relationship with other

Relationship systems intelligence =

reinterpretation of self through

interactions with the group,

team, or system

types of relational intelligences1
Types of Relational Intelligences
  • Emotional Intelligence (EI)
      • individual’s ability to access, express, and use emotions in a healthy and productive way
      • the ability to motivate oneself, suppress impulses and delay gratification in service of the achievement of goals
  • Emotional Social Intelligence (ESI)
      • the capacity to accurately identify others’ emotions, empathize with them, and to see things from another person’s perspective
      • the ability to leverage that awareness in an effective way to cooperate in the pursuit of goals and the creation of positive relationships
  • Relationship Systems Intelligence (RSI)
      • expands the focus of EI to a larger paradigm – the capacity to see oneself as part of a relationship system
rsi a shift in perspective
RSI: a Shift in Perspective

From “An Introduction to Relationship Systems Intelligence” by Faith Fuller and

Marita Fridjhon

the 3 rd entity
The 3rd Entity™

“No two minds come together without thereby creating a third, invisible, intangible force which may be likened to a third mind.”

-- Napoleon Hill, American writer and philosopher

* * * * * 

“We often think that when we have completed our study of ONE we know all about TWO, because ‘two’ is ‘one and one.’ We forget that we have still to make a study of ‘AND.’”

-- Sir Arthur Eddington, The Nature of the Physical World

the 3 rd entity1
The 3rd Entity™
  • the essence that emerges as an expression of the relationship or system – the voice of the system
  • what is created as a function of interactions (experiences, events, behaviors, etc.) in a relationship or system – the space between and among people
  • the “more” in more than the sum of the parts

Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Ian Stewart

Charlie Watts, and Bill Wyman are individuals.

The Rolling Stones is their 3rd entity.

the s ystem as focus of attention
The System as Focus of Attention
  • the team, unit, division, or

organization

  • couples, business partners, or co-

workers

  • individuals (as systems)
the system as focus of attention
The System as Focus of Attention
  • What’s trying to happen?
  • What is the wisdom that the

relationship or the system holds?

the principle of deep democracy
The Principle of Deep Democracy
  • all voices need to be heard
  • all voices carry data, information,

and wisdom in some way for the

system

  • everyone is a voice of something that

lives in the system(i.e., it’s not about me

or you, or me and you – it’s about us)

informal constellation
Informal Constellation

taking a snapshot of the system

facilitating an informal constellation
Facilitating an Informal Constellation
  • Identify an issue or topic the team wants to explore.
  • Choose a tangible object to represent the topic and place in the center of an

open space.

  • Designate the open space as a safe, judgment-free zone.
  • Round 1: ask a question and ask people to move to a place that expresses

their degree of alignment relative to some aspect of the topic (the closer to

the object, the more aligned)

  • Check in with voices from various places in the room.
  • Round 2: ask a second question to ask people to move to where they would

like to be relative to alignment with respect to the issue.

  • Check in with voices as above.
  • Round 3: invite people to work with a partner to identify a step they could

take to move them closer to their 2nd position . . . or to discuss why they

have elected to stay where they are.

blank access questions
Blank Access Questions
  • What do you notice about . . . ?
  • What strikes you about what you are

hearing (or seeing, or experiencing)?

  • If you could be the voice of the system what

would you say right now?

  • What does the relationship or team know that

you, individually, don’t?

  • What needs to happen next?
slide15
We are created, not for isolation, but for relationships. At heart, we are not a thousand points of light but, rather, part of a larger brightness. . . .

-- D. Johnson and E. Johnson