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Different Views Toward “Success” Between American and Chinese People - some observations and thoughts -. 汤凯 Aug. 2004.
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Different Views Toward “Success” Between American and Chinese People- some observations and thoughts - 汤凯 Aug. 2004
People want to succeed; this desire is designed by God and etched into our gen; without it, there would have been no advance in human history and we would still today live in the stone age; this desire of “want to succeed” is universal across all races, cultures, and societies.However, as a whole, the Americans (West) and the Chinese (East) view differently on the meaning of “being successful”.
Case 1 (Chinese)A Chinese friend of mine (who was born and grew up in China) went to USA to study and then has been living there since. Several years ago he got a job as a manager working in China for a major US company. His wife (“Sammy”) gloated to their friends: “there are over 20000 government sponsored Chinese students who came to US in the 1980’s, only 1% or less of them have a higher position than my husband’s”.
Case 2(China)I once went to interview a student who was applying to our university. He just completed his China’s national university entry exams last week. His father (“Lao Li”) told me at the interview: “My son is the No. 1 in the scores of the entry exams among all the 110,000 college applicants in my town.”
Case 3(Chinese)I know a Chinese professor (“Zhou”) at an American university, whose son (“Andy”) had lots of hobbies and was very good at sports, but somehow wasn’t much interested in study. Only in his last two years in highschool did Andy mature enough to realize the importance of having a good GPA and started to study hard. He eventually was admitted by the University of Michigan which is a very, very good university, and his parents were really proud of him. However, when at a party he heard that the son of one of his colleagues was admitted by MIT, he became very dejected. When back home, he scolded his son: “why could you also go to MIT like my colleague’s son?”
Now, when put into similar situations, your and my wife more or less would gloat the same as “Sammy” did, you and I would brag the same as “Lao Li” did, and you and I would scold our son the same as “Zhou” did to his son. This is because we all grow up in China and have been soaked with our culture, with both its good and not that good parts.So, what exactly do “Sammy”, “Lao Li”, and “Zhou” share in common? Look at those bold words in the three cases; they all indicate
Position and comparison among a proximity of oneself“Success”=I am better in “doing something” than the people I know, so I am better than them.better ≠ better
Now, I don’t mean that in the West there are no “Sammy”, “Lao Li”, or “Zhou”. But I think the number of “Sammy” or “Lao Li” or “Zhou” is much smaller than that among Chinese.
In our culture: “Doing something good” is only a means for obtaining the position and status in one’s proximity – work unit, neighborhood, circle of friends, or in a larger scale the society.As a result, the true meaning of “Doing something good” itself is completely lost. To see the comparison, let’s look at the following two examples.
Case 4 (USA)I have an American neighbor, Mr. “Johnson”. A few years ago (he was already over 40) I ran into him in the morning and greeted him “Good morning, Mr. Johnson”. He replied to me with very seriousness and pride: “Dr. Tang, you can also call me Dr. Johnson from now on, as I just got my PhD in social science”. I could sense he was really proud of himself, after putting so much effort, in terms of both money and time, proud of himself for that he finally succeeds in doing this. He did not compare himself with other people; he judges himself based on how he worked hard on the study and research which interested him. Now, if this is in China, some people may very possibly gossip behind his back: “ What a fool! What’s so proud of? My cousin got his PhD when he was only 26 and now he is already the head of his department at Tsinghua.”
Case 5(USA)In the city of Ann Arbor where I live, a highschool graduate “David” got a very high score 1598 (total is 1600) in his SAT exam. The local newspaper reported: “His score is extremely hard to get, since mathematically a perfect score of 1600 is almost impossible.”The newspaper didn’t compare him with other people, but focused only on the test itself – i.e., it is a very difficult test and David did very good in it.
If you look at cases 4 & 5, you see that the emphasis on “success” is placed on “succeed in doing it” itself, but not on “doing it better than other people”.Now, there are certain categories, such as sports, in which “being successful” have to be measured by comparing/competing one with another. But this comparison is on the “play” itself, not on the players – A and B played a tennis match, A won; so A was a better “tennis player” on that day, that’s it, which doesn’t mean whatsoever A is superior to B in any other aspects.
Biggest victim of this “doing it better than other people” attitude is the person itselfWe have seen this too often in China: a 7-year old child studies very hard, gets up at 6:30 and goes to bed at 23:00, whole day packed with this study, that activity, memorizing English words, but only for the purpose of appeasing his parents who can go to bed with a smile “my son is better than his classmates; my son is No. 2 in his class”. What they don’t realize is that their son is actually suffering, not happy, and is missing all the joys, beauty, and excitement he is supposed to enjoy from “studying” itself.
I heard from a friend that in Singapore, even in kindergarten, children in some classes are classified into “No. 1”, “No. 2”, … based on their tests. They go to school to make friends, to enjoy their innocent childhood, not to be compared to each other and be taught of this ugly maxim that “some people are superior to other people”.
I read this from a newspaper: some “副厅长” from a northern province in China visited France, when he took the France Airline to flow back to China, he became very angry because the flight attendants treated him the same as all the other passengers, but not as a “副厅长”. He cursed at the attendants, took off his shoes and put feet on the chairs in front of him, and made a big fuss. Eventually he was arrested by the airport security and was denied of that flight.His problem and why he is suffering? He does not realize that “being successful” in his job (if only measured by his title) does not mean at all he is special and different than other people.
When a person from USA visits China, he encounters this phenomenon: it seems every body he meets is some kind of “总”; they can’t wait to show you their name cards; 李总，王总，刘总，陈总，赵总, everybody is “总” and if you are not a “总”, you are not successful.
Victims of this “better than other people” mind-set are also you and me and everyone else.If a flight attendant has the same attitude as that “副厅长”, then she will certainly show less respect and smile less to you than to a “副厅长”. She perhaps will smile even more and bow lower to a “厅长” than to a “副厅长”.
So, the question is, why this unhealthy trait is so prevalent in our Chinese culture but not that popular in USA or West?- 5000 years of feudal system which etched this “inequality among people” maxim deeply into our national psyche - The “科举” system and its negative influence left behind
Europe (West) was similar to us before. Perhaps we humans are really what Freud said of: egotistic, aggressive, and innately driven by this pursuit of superiority. However, in the last 300 hundred years, particularly since the French revolution, the ideas of “liberty, equality, and fraternity” became widespread in the West.
A comparisonThe prime minister of Sweden walks home from work. But in China, if you are some “长” or “总”, you must be “前呼后拥”, must have a beautiful and young secretary, not because it is needed in your work, but because it shows your “position” in the society.
