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Unproductive Core Beliefs of Student’s. Dr. Roe 2009 California Baptist University. Value Circle (Wilhite, 1977). It’s bad to think well of myself…. I can’t be happy unless a certain condition – like success, money, love, approval, or perfect achievement – is met…. Ineffective Paradigms.

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unproductive core beliefs of student s

Unproductive Core Beliefs of Student’s

Dr. Roe


California Baptist University

it s bad to think well of myself

It’s bad to think well of myself…

I can’t be happy unless a certain condition – like success, money, love, approval, or perfect achievement – is met…

ineffective paradigms
Ineffective Paradigms
  • I can’t feel worthwhile unless a certain condition is met.
  • I am entitled to happiness (or success, health, self-respect, pleasure, love) without having to work for it.
  • One day when I make it, I’ll have friends and be able to enjoy myself.
  • Work should be hard and in some way unpleasant.
  • Joy is only gained through hard work.
  • I am inadequate…
  • Worrying insures that I will be prepared to face and solve problems. So the more I worry, the better.
  • Life should be easy. I can’t enjoy it if there is problems.
  • The past makes me unhappy. There is no way around it.
  • There’s a perfect solution and I must find it.
  • If people disapprove of me, it means I am inferior, wrong, or no good.
  • If I try hard enough, all people will like me.
  • If I try hard enough, my future will be happy and trouble free…
  • Life muse be fair.
  • It doesn’t matter anyway – translated…I don’t matter.
  • What decisions have you made up about the program…
    • What story did you make up about the event?
      • You attach the meaning…
        • There is no inherent significance in ANYTHING!
don t make mistakes
Don’t make mistakes!
  • Possible decisions:
    • I am scared of making the wrong decision, so I simply won’t decide.
    • Because I made a dumb choice, I won’t decide on anything ever again.
    • I better be perfect if I hope to be accepted
don t be
Don’t Be
  • The basic message – “I wish you hadn’t been born…”
    • Possible decisions:
      • I will keep trying until I get you to love me
      • If things get terrible, I will kill myself
don t be close
Don’t be close
  • Related to “Don’t trust” and “Don’t love”
    • Possible decisions:
      • I loved once and it backfired – never again!
      • Because it is scary to get close, I’ll keep myself distant.
don t be important
Don’t be Important
  • If you are constantly discounted when you speak…
    • Possible decision:
      • If, by chance, I ever do become important, I’ll play down my accomplishments…
don t be a child
Don’t be a child…
  • “Always act adult, don’t be childish and make a fool of yourself – keep control of yourself”
    • Possible decisions:
      • I’ll take care of others and won’t ask much of myself.
      • I won’t let myself have fun.
don t grow
Don’t grow…
  • This message is given by the frightened parent who discourages the child from growing up in many ways…
    • Possible decisions:
      • I’ll stay a child, and that way I will get my parents to approve of me…
      • I won’t be sexual, and that way my Father won’t punish and push me away.
don t succeed
Don’t succeed…
  • Possible decisions:
    • I’ll never do anything perfect enough, so why try?
    • I’ll succeed, even if it kills me.
    • If I don’t succeed, then I will not have to live up to high expectations others have for me.
don t be you
Don’t be you…
  • This involves suggesting to children that they are the wrong sex, shape, size, color, or have ideas or feelings that are unacceptable to parental figures…
    • Possible decisions:
      • They would love me only if I were a boy (girl), so it’s impossible to get their love.
      • I will pretend to be a boy (girl).
don t be sane don t be well
Don’t be sane/Don’t be well
  • Possible decisions
    • I will get sick and then I will be included
    • I am crazy.
don t belong
Don’t Belong…
  • This injunction may indicate that a family feels that the child does not belong anywhere…
    • Possible decisions:
      • I’ll be a loner forever…
      • I will never belong anywhere…
alcoholic families
Alcoholic Families
  • Don’t Talk
  • Don’t Trust
  • Don’t Feel
    • Translates to future relationships
      • Programs very powerful
        • Manifested later in life
dyad questions
Dyad Questions
  • Partner A – Partner B
question 1
Question 1
  • The most significant moment in my life, between the ages of 0-8 was…
question 2
Question 2
  • What I learned from my parents at a young age was…
question 3
Question 3
  • My biggest challenge in my life right now is…
question 4
Question 4
  • What is your biggest regret in life today that continues to prevent you from truly moving forward…
question 5
Question 5
  • What is the earliest moment you can recall in your life…What was the significance in that event for you…
question 6
Question 6
  • Describe your childhood and the feelings that you have made up about it…
question 7
Question 7
  • What major choices did you struggle with during your adolescent years…
question 8
Question 8
  • How do you think your adolescence affected the person that you are today…
question 9
Question 9
  • What event in your childhood would you change the outcome? What would be different in your life right now if that event had ended up differently?
question 10
Question 10
  • What picture from your childhood has the most significance for you? Describe the picture, and why it is so important…