Harmful Relationships

1. Harmful Relationships Mr. Prall

2. Harmful Relationships This PowerPoint will focus on harmful relationships. It includes profiles of teens who relate in harmful ways, reasons why some teens choose harmful relationships, and information on what to do about harmful relationships. • Profile – A short description of a person. • The following profiles will help you learn : • If you relate in harmful ways • If anyone who know relates in harmful ways

3. 1. People pleaser The people pleaser is a person who constantly seeks the approval of others. A people pleaser might choose harmful behaviors, such as drinking and alcohol and gossiping about others, because others want him or her to do so. A people pleaser wants to be liked so badly that he or she seeks approval at all costs. Other people view the people pleaser as a “doormat” because they can walk all over the people pleaser. A people pleaser lacks self-respect and blocks the potential for developing relationships.

4. 2. The enabler An enabler is a person who supports the harmful behavior of others.The enabler might deny or refuse to acknowledge that another person is participating in behavior that might result in negative consequences. For example, the enabler might refuse to acknowledge that a friend often “puts him or her down”. The enabler might make excuses for a person with harmful behavior or help the person carry out wrongful behavior. For example, a family member may be drunk and unable to go to work. The enabler might call the employer and say the family member has the flu. The enabler does not make other people accountable for their behavior.

6. 3. The clinger A clinger is a person who is needy and dependent.The clinger feels empty and wants the constant attention of another person in order to feel better. The clinger is unable to give another person his or her space. He or she monopolizes another person’s time and attention. The other person feels suffocated by the clinger. The clinger blocks the potential for developing healthful relationships. Other people will try to distance themselves from the clinger.

7. 4. The fixer A fixer is a person who tries to fix another person’s problems. The fixer offers constant advice and might try to choose solutions for another person. The fixer might assume responsibility for another person’s difficulties. For example, a friend might be failing a course in school. That will keep the friend off an athletic team. The fixer might do the friend’s homework and projects. Or, the friend might be having difficulty in a relationship and seek out the fixer as a sounding board. Rather than just listening, the fixer might go into detail as to what the friend should say and do. The fixer’s behavior blocks the potential for developing healthful relationships. Healthy do not want other people to take over, do the work, and make the decisions for that which they are responsible.

8. 5. The distancer A distancer is a person who is emotionally unavailable to others. There are a variety of ways in which the distancer can keep other people at arm’s length. For example, the distancer might be “too busy” in order to avoid being close. The distancer might avoid certain topics so that he or she will not have to share feelings. The distancer attempts to reduce the risk of being emotionally hurt. However, he or she blocks the potential for developing healthful relationships. Other people cannot get close to the distancer.

9. 6. The controller A controller is a person who is possessive, jealous, and domineering. The controller seeks to have power over others. The controller wants other people to do what he or she wants to do. At first, the other person might feel especially important because the controller is so jealous and possessive and overly involved. However, these characteristics can become threatening. The controller who is jealous and possessive might use physical force to get his or her way. The controller’s behavior blocks the potential for developing healthful relationships. Other people are fearful of being controlled.

10. 7. The center A center us a person who is self-centered. The center is interested only in his or her own beliefs, attitudes, and ideas. Often the center does not listen when others are speaking. He or she might interrupt others as they speak. The center prefers to participate in activities that he or she chooses. The center’s behavior blocks the potential for developing healthful relationships. Other people have needs that they want met in their relationships.

11. 8. The abuser An abuser is a person who is abusive. The abuser might choose verbal abuse. He or she might make demeaning remarks or threats. The abuser might choose physical abuse. He or she might hit, bite, kick, or push another person. The abuser might choose sexual abuse. The abuser might force another person to participate in sexual acts. The abuser’s behavior blocks the potential for developing healthful relationships. Other people want to be treated with respect.

12. 9. The liar A liar is a person who does not tell the truth. Other people might respond and behave based on the false information presented by the liar. The liar’s behavior blocks the potential for developing healthful relationships. Other people cannot trust the liar.

13. 10. The promise breaker A promise breaker is a person who is not reliable. The promise breaker might arrange to participate in an activity with another person and then not honor the promise. The promise breaker might agree to change an annoying behavior and then not do so. The promise breaker’s behavior blocks the potential for developing healthful relationships. Other people view the promise breaker as being insincere. They sense that he or she has a lack of commitment to the relationships.

14. Why some teens choose harmful relationships… Teens who relate in harmful ways often get involved in relationships with one another. Then they are able to act out the specific roles that they are used to having. The examples that follow illustrate what happens when teens with harmful relationship profiles match up with one another.

15. Controller and enabler Suppose a male teen who is a controller matches up with a female teen who is an enabler. The male teen was raised in a family in which his father was a controller. He repeats his father’s behavior. He is jealous and demands the undivided attention of the female teen. He objects to her spending time with her friends. After all, she is his girlfriend, and he should be first in her life…

16. Controller and enabler cont. The female teen has grown up in an alcoholic family. Her mother was an enabler, and her father was a controller and an alcoholic. Her father’s drinking “controlled” what happened in the family. Her mother’s behavior “enabled” or helped her father continue his wrongful behavior. Her mother always made excuses for her father’s drinking. When he had a hangover and could not work, her mother would call his employer and say he was sick.

17. Controller and enabler cont. The female teen repeats some of her mother’s behavior. She makes excuses for her boyfriend. She does his homework and writes a report for him when he has difficulty in school. These two teens repeat patterns of relating that they learned in their families. They might believe they are “attracted to the perfect match”. However, they are attracted to a relationship that repeats harmful ways of relating. If they break off their relationship, they are likely to get involved in another one that is similar.

18. Clinger and distancer Suppose a male teen who is a distancer matches up with a female teen who is a clinger. The clinger is a female who was raised in a family that was separated by divorce. The female experienced abandonment at age 10 when her father left and did not keep in contact with her. She rarely speaks about the pain and fear his leaving caused her. As a result, she is afraid to again get close to someone. To avoid getting close, she gets involved with a male teen who is a distancer. She clings to him and wants his attention. He is not capable of being close and backs off.

19. Clinger and distancer cont. Although each chooses a different way of avoiding closeness, both the clinger and the distancer are unable to be close. The clinger chooses a boyfriend who keeps her at arm’s length. The distancer stays at arm’s length from his girlfriend. Of course, a clinger could be a male teen and a distancer could be a female teen. There are steps you can take to prevent or resolve a harmful relationship.