Recognizing Harmful Relationships

1. Recognizing Harmful Relationships EQ: Why do people get into harmful relationships?

2. 10 People who Relate in Harmful Ways • The people pleaser • The enabler • The clinger • The fixer • The distancer • The controller • The center • The abuser • The liar • The promise breaker

3. The People Pleaser • A person who constantly seeks the approval of others • Will do almost anything to be liked • Don’t mind being walked all over • Lacks self confidence • The people pleaser sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships because he or she does not demand respect from others.

4. The Enabler • A person who supports the harmful behavior of others • May deny another’s harmful behaviors • May make excuses for another • The enabler sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships when he or she does not expect other people to behave in responsible ways

5. The Clinger • A person who is needy and dependent • Feels empty inside and needs another to feel complete • No amount of attention keeps the clinger fulfilled • Friends of the clinger may feel suffocated • The clinger sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not giving other people space

6. The Fixer • A person who tries to fix other peoples problems • Quick to give advice • Avoids his/her own problems • Will come up with all sorts of solutions for another persons problems • The fixer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships because healthy people do not want others to solve their problems.

7. The Distancer • A person who is emotionally unavailable to others • May have been hurt in the past • Keeps people from getting too close • Avoids sharing feelings • Avoids getting hurt • The distancer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not risking emotional involvement.

8. The Controller • A person who is possessive, jealous, and domineering • Seeks power • May tell another what to do/what to wear • Does not like to share “objects of his/her affection” • May monopolize a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s time • The controller sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not respecting the interests or opinions of others

9. The Center • A person who is self-centered • “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME” • Talks your ear off about them • Only wants to do what he/she wants • Uninterested in your ideas • The center sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by being so focused on being the center of attention that the needs of others are ignored

10. The Abuser • A person who is abusive • May cause others harm • Physical, emotional or sexual • May go from one extreme to another • An abuser may miss the chance to have healthful relationships by threatening and harming others

11. The Liar • A person who does not tell the truth • May pretend to be something he/she isn’t • The liar avoids the truth to manipulate others into the responses he or she wants • The liar sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by lying to others to get the response he or she wants

12. The Promise Breaker • A person who is not reliable • Makes plans then is a no show • Makes plans and changes them if something better comes along • The promise breaker sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not keeping his or her word

13. Why do people get into harmful relationships? • Why do people get into harmful relationships? • Take a few seconds and brainstorm with a partner • Two people might be involved in a harmful relationship together because: • 1) each one of them allows the other to play out a specific profile of harmful behavior • 2) other people who expect healthful behavior avoid relationships with them.

14. How Harmful Relationships effect Health Status

15. Changing Harmful Relationships • Evaluate each of your relationships on a regular basis. • Recognize when you must end a harmful relationship rather than work to change it. • Identify changes in behavior that must occur in any existing harmful relationship if you are to continue with the relationship. • Talk to a parent, guardian, or other trusted adult about the changes you expect in the relationship. • Have a frank discussion with the other person in the relationship in which you share your concerns and expectations. • Set a future date when you will evaluate the relationship again.

16. Review • What defines a relationship as harmful? • What is the difference between a clinger and a people pleaser? • How do a fixer and a center differ? • How do promise breakers sabotage the chance to have healthful relationships? • What steps might you take to end or change a harmful relationship?