Recognizing harmful relationships

1. Recognizing harmful relationships Unit 3, Lesson 17 National Health Standards 1.1, 2.1, 2.3, 5.1

2. People who relate in harmful ways • People Pleasers • Constantly seeks approval of others • Will do almost anything to be liked • “Doormat” • Lacks self-confidence • Does not demand respect from others

3. Enabler • Supports harmful behavior of others • May deny harmful behavior • Make excuses and/or cover up for other • Easier to enable than to stand up to admit behavior is unacceptable • True friend would be honest

4. Clinger • Needy and dependent • Feels empty inside • Turns to others to feel better • Can be very demanding of others • Can be suffocating

5. Fixer • Tries to fix others’ problems • Takes on things not their responsibility • Quick to give advice • Avoids own feelings and problems • Healthy people avoid because they don’t want things fixed

6. Distancer • Emotionally unavailable to others • May have been hurt in past, so won’t let others get too close • Too busy to spend time with others • May avoid sharing feelings • Won’t risk emotional involvement

7. Controller • Possessive, jealous, and domineering • Seeks power • May tell others what to wear, what to do, what to believe • Does not like to share the controlled person with others • Does not respect the interest or opinions of others

8. Center • Self-centered • Demands full control of conversations • Shows no interest in what any one else has to say • Not concerned about what others want to do or how others feel

9. Abuser • Constantly puts down others • Can cause harm to others • Threaten others, begin fights, act in violent ways • Force another to have sex • Follows violence with gentleness

10. Liar • Does not tell the truth • Cause others to respond based on false information • Pretend to be something they are not so they can impress others • Shallow friendships, lack real emotional connections

11. Promise breaker • Not reliable • Make plans, but will be a “no show” • May agree to make changes, but goes back to original self • Does not keep word • Others doubt the sincerity and commitment, which ends friendships

12. Involvement in harmful relationships • Together in a harmful relationship because: • Allow each other to play out profile • Others who expect healthy relationship avoid these people

13. Promise breaker and people pleaser • Promise breaker plans an activity with a people pleaser UNTIL something better comes up, then dumps people pleaser; people pleaser keeps anger inside, but promises to make same plans again

14. Promise breaker needs to meet commitments • People pleaser needs to set limits and share feelings

15. Controller and enabler • Controller – female and enabler – male • Controller jealous and demands enabler’s time • Controller suspicious and accuses enabler of being with other girls • Enabler makes excuses for controller; supporting wrong behavior

16. Controller needs to respect enabler’s right to have friends • Enabler must take responsibility for own life and not deny his feelings and needs

17. Clinger and distancer • Clinger – female and distancer – male • Clings to male because no male role model in life and feels abandoned by father • Distancer emotionally unavailable and that draws the clinger

18. Clinger must address emptiness and develop self-confidence • Distancer lose fear of sharing feelings and become close to others

19. Changing harmful relationships • Evaluate relationships • Recognize when a relationship needs to end • Recognize changes • Talk to trusted adult • Have honest talk with partner • Set a date to discuss relationship at a later time