Relationships

1. Relationships 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens Habits 4, 5 & 6 Think Win – Win Seek First to Understand, and Then be Understood Synergy

2. Who do you have your most important relationships with? • Friends • Family members (parents, siblings, extended family) • Boyfriends/Girlfriends

3. Healthy or Unhealthy • All of our relationships take care and attention to ensure they are happy/healthy and/or last over time. • What are some things that can help to keep relationships of any kind happy/healthy? • We are going to learn 3 HABITS that will help make your relationships stronger if you start to use them.

4. Ice-Breaker • Stand next to a partner. • One of you needs to make a fist; as tight a fist as you possibly can. • On the count of three I want the other partner to try and open the other person’s hand.

5. Follow-Up • Did any of you simply ask the other person to open their fist? • “When the environment feels competitive we automatically play with a Win-Lose mindset.” • What does this mean?

6. Habit - Think Win-Win • When it comes to relationships it is important to make sure you are happy but also the other person too. • Develop a healthy definition of the word COMPETITION; develop a balance between wanting to win and doing it in a healthy, positive way. • Realize that COMPARISONS to other people are not healthy and a waste of your time. • Compromise and cooperation

7. Group Activity • Get with your assigned group of four. • This is the BEST activity for demonstrating the importance of working with others for a common “win.” • You need others in your group to succeed in order to succeed yourself. • The only way that your team can be successful is if you all participate.

8. Directions Each group has: • 1 pencil, 4 pieces of string, a penny and a “course.” • The goal is for your group is use the resources given to guide the penny through the course (start to finish) without touching the sides of the course. • This is NOT a competition with any other group in the room.

9. Rules • The penny must stay within the lines of the course at all times. • The penny can only be touched by the pencil’s eraser. • Each person can only touch one of the strings • No one can EVER touch the pencil while the penny is en route • The paper may not be moved or tilted at any point while the penny is en route. • EVERYONE must be part of moving the penny to it’s destination

10. There are 4 ways people choose to operate in relationships In your notebook, please make this chart on a sheet of loose-leaf. Leave room to add notes in the boxes

11. “Win – Lose” – The Totem Pole People with this attitude usually: • Use other people, emotionally or physically, for their own selfish purposes • Try to get ahead at the expense of others • Spread rumors about others • Concentrate on getting their own way without thinking about others’ feelings • Become jealous and envious when something good happens to someone else

12. “Lose – Win” – The Doormat People with this attitude usually: • Set low expectations for themselves • Have low self-esteem and never consider themselves worthy or good enough • Compromise their standards over and over again • Give in to peer pressure • Allow themselves to be walked on with the excuse of being the “peacemaker” • Is there a time when a Lose-Win attitude is fine?

13. “Lose – Lose” – The Downward Spiral People with this attitude usually: • Seek revenge • Desire to win at all costs • Are obsessed with others in a negative manner • Have codependent and emotionally damaging relationships

14. “Win – Win” – The All You Can Eat Buffet People with this attitude usually: • Are happy when others succeed • Help others succeed • Are willing to share recognition with others • See life as an All-you-can-eat buffet for everybody • Understand the importance of COMPROMISE • Watch the video to see an example of Win-Win in action: Sportsmanship

15. Reading • Selfish Vs Selfless • Answer the Discussion Questions in your binder • Discussion

16. Review… • Think Win-Win (the art of compromise) • Acceptance and Respect

17. Often we get into trouble because we jump to conclusions without understanding all the details, as this poem written by a teen named Logan illustrates: The other day I saw my girl Walking with some other man They were walking and giggling and having a time And I saw she was holding his hand! I stood back and spied, my eyes filled with tears As I watched this foul display Some overly cheerful bicep with legs Was taking my baby away!

18. As I spied over dumpsters with feelings of hate I saw them in a close embrace! Now I’m broken-hearted Cause before they parted I saw her kiss his face. That ended my garbage-can espionage I thought I had seen quite enough I decided to confront that devilish girl Who I had once called my true love.

19. So I typed up an e-mail to that wicked female And gave her a piece of my mind. But I won’t say what I said, In case there’s kids present But I will say my words were unkind. I said it was the end, And right when I clicked send I heard my telephone ring. I picked up the receiver and couldn’t believe her It was my little ex…thing.

20. She said, “Sorry babe that I haven’t seen you all day But my older brother is in town! Did I ever mention that he is a boxer An one of the biggest around?! “He’d like to meet you, But he’s quite protective So behave whatever you do, I’ll check my e-mail and then we’ll come by And…oh look! Here’s an e-mail from you!”

21. Habit - Seek First to Understand, Then Be Understood(Listen/Communication) • This habit is to listen first, talk second; or see things from another person’s point of view before sharing your own. • It is to genuinely listen – use good communication

22. How many of you have ever had a miscommunication or a misunderstanding because one person was not listening to each other? • How does it make you feel when someone doesn’t listen? • Are people usually not listening because they are trying to do 2 things at once? (For example: they are on their phone)

23. Let’s try to be listeners and doers at the same time… • The Wright Family Activity • Below your definition record the following… • “The Wright Family Activity was difficult because…” • “We would have been more successful if…”

24. 5 Poor Listening Styles • SPACING OUT: ignoring the person talking to you while you’re caught up in your own thoughts • PRETEND LISTENING: listening in a way that makes the other person feel they are not important

25. SELECTIVE LISTENING: focusing in on only part of the conversation that interests you, rather than hearing out the other person’s thoughts. • WORD LISTENING: focusing on the words only, not the body language or the meaning behind the words. • SELF-CENTRED LISTENING: hearing others’ words from your point of view only, thus turning the conversation around to what interests you.

26. 3 Keys to Genuine Listening (p.171-176) • Listen with you eyes, heart and ears • Stand in their shoes • Practice mirroring (using your own words to reflect the other person’s feelings; this lets them know you heard them).

27. Genuine Listening Practice • Interviews Select a partner and each person needs a notepad. The interviewer has three minutes to interview his/her partner. After three minutes, switch and interview the other partner. You will need to be able to reveal what you have learned about your partner. Best interview wins! 

28. Alone we can do so little;together we can do so much.~Helen Keller~

29. Synergy Defined Synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create a better solution than either could alone. It’s not your way or my way but a better way, a higher way COPY!!!

30. SYNERGIZE IS: COPY • Working together • Open-mindedness • Celebrating differences

31. Be the Geese!

34. Synergize Activity – Synergy in drawing • Work together to create something that you would not have done by yourself • You will each get a piece of paper, and it would be great if everyone could use a pencil. • I am going to show you a picture and we are all going to try to draw it together – I know some of you are more artistic than others, but we will work on this together and see what we come up with. • After 2-3 minutes we will pass our paper to the next person and you will continue drawing/trying to create the image. For those that are artistic, you can help out those who might be struggling a little – Synergize!

36. SYNERGIZE IS NOT: • Working Independently • Thinking You Are Always Right • Shunning or Tolerating Difference

38. Relationships Assignment Choose 1 of the following assignments to complete for the opening assignment in our relationships unit. • A Day in the Life of.. • How well do we know each other? Or • Letter Writing activity. Due Tuesday, November 10th.