Chapter 3: Family Rules, Structure, and Development. Upstate. Rules and Structure. Rules -> _________ patterns -> structure Each family has unique structure __________ describe what is supposed to be; _____ relate to what is. Remember rules are often _______/out of awareness. Upstate.
Burr, Day, and Behr: Families can only operate when … shared, implicit, _________ comfortable. p. 62.
Dancing in Families
connected ______ of rules that governs a complex pattern of behavior
Rigid Structured Flexible Chaotic
There are nine Balanced types (+) and they are called Balanced because they are in the balanced range (3 central levels) on both closeness and flexibility.
In our studies of families, about 2/3 (66%) of families fall into the Balanced types. Also, our studies have indicated that these Balanced types have the most healthy and happy families.
The four Unbalanced types (X) are less common and the most extreme because they are Unbalanced on both dimensions of closeness and flexibility.
Over 80% of families that have major problems in their family (like adolescent runaways, drug use and abuse, other types of abuse) and also those that come for family therapy fall into these four unbalanced types.
In our marriage
we promise to work together and cooperate in love
rather than be pulled apart by our differences.
We realize that work, children, and other duties
will often come between us
We promise never to allow this for long
we realize that the foundation of our lives is our loving relationship.
So we pledge to honor our relationship,
nurture our friendship, and sustain our love.
Our family is a place where we will
love, encourage, and nurture each other.
We will teach each other about our similarities and differences
and learn to appreciate and respect both.
We will teach each other about the world outside the family
so that we will be better prepared to meet the challenges of that world.
We will know that the journey of life begins in closeness and involves
a gradual separation over time.
When we are close we will attempt to nurture and love
so that when we separate we will feel confident in making our own way.
So be it in our family.
1. ______ – “right way” - traditional, parental authority, somewhat rigid
2._____ – flexible, tolerant, negotiates
3. _______ – few set schedules and rules, individual freedom
What happens when these families experience problems?
what is done in the ______ stages in a relationship influences what can be and is done in later stages
opposing forces in the family system attempt to preserve the status quo.
any attempt to change one rule has implications concerning other things.
just does not understand the nature of family systems”
but a large number of things cannot,
and it usually takes a great effort to make even small changes.”
- the birth of a first child,
- your mother-in-law coming to live with you,
- your child growing up and needing fewer rules
Stability may characterize each day
but some change does occur over time
The Family Life Cycle: Six Stages
Life course – many decisions and choices alter the life course. Thus, life can take many directions.
not an expected part of life course (p. 80).
- husband seriously injured in auto accident
- loss of job
- child arrested for drug possession
- adolescent announces he is gay
- child becomes seriously ill.
1) Life is fair
2) There is one right way
3) Others can do for me what I am unable to do for myself.
1) When I know something intellectually, I truly understand it
2) I understand those close to me quite well
3) I do not possess the undesirable characteristics of my parents
4) There are no real threats to my security.