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Revising Sentences for Conciseness. Verbal Style Descriptive Verbs Wordy Phrases . Verbal Style. Example of Noun-Based Style.

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revising sentences for conciseness
Revising Sentences for Conciseness
  • Verbal Style
  • Descriptive Verbs
  • Wordy Phrases

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

verbal style
Verbal Style

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

example of noun based style
Example of Noun-Based Style

Everything today has the requirement ofthe conformity of people to some standard. There is the requirement to be similar in their speech and in their beliefs. If you have different ideas, people have the thought you are odd. Our fear stops the expression of our thoughts about our surroundings. We must have a resemblance to our neighbors or friends. Because there is so little we can do to be individuals, it is my thought that we would commit an error bythe imposition of a dress standard on students. It would be a loss to their expression of individuality. (100 words).

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

example of verb based style
Example of Verb-Based Style

Everything today requires people conform to some standard. Similarity is required in how they speak and what they believe. If your ideas differ, people think you are odd. We fearexpressing what we think about our surroundings. We must resemble our neighbors or friends. Because there is so little we can do to be individuals, I think we would err by imposing a dress standard on students. They would lose a way to express individuality. (75 words).

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

nominal verbal continuum
Nominal/Verbal Continuum

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

verbal style1
Verbal Style

The removal of reduced sulfur compounds from in-mill processes and the prevention of anaerobic formation of reduced sulphur compounds will improve both air and effluent quality. (26 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

verbal style2
Verbal Style

Removing reduced sulfur compounds from in-mill processes and preventing anaerobic formation of reduced sulphur compounds will improve both air and effluent quality. (22 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

verbal style3
Verbal Style

Our request is that on your return, you conduct a review of the data and provide an immediate report. (19 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

verbal style4
Verbal Style

We request that when you return, you review the data and report immediately. (13 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

verbal style5
Verbal Style

Many engineering personnel have made comments regarding a lack of knowledge about what new information is available in the library as literature is filed into the library without any sort of notification. (32 words).

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

verbal style6
Verbal Style

Many engineers have commented about not being notified when new literature is filed in the library. (16 words).

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

verbal style7
Verbal Style

Hence, there is a distinct diurnal and seasonal variation in the air mass stability and dispersion characteristics. (17 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

verbal style8
Verbal Style

Hence, the air mass stability and dispersion characteristics vary daily and seasonally. (12 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs
Descriptive Verbs

Yesterday, Josey made three hundred dollars.

counterfeited?

earned?

printed?

manufactured?

stole?

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs1
Descriptive Verbs

The thief is in the house.

=

The thief exists in the house.

The thief prowls in the house?

The thief cowers in the house?

The thief snoozes in the house?

The thief ransacks the house?

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs2
Descriptive Verbs

List of talkie verbs

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs3
Descriptive Verbs

Because of the team’s ignorance, no one could know at the beginning what the product was going to look like or how long it was going to take them to create it. (32 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs4
Descriptive Verbs

Because of the team’s ignorance, no one initially understood how the product would appear or how long they would require to create it. (23 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs5
Descriptive Verbs

When a company grows at such a rapid rate, there may not be enough structure or direction for the new employees to make decisions on these matters. They also may not know who to go to for advice. (38 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs6
Descriptive Verbs

When a company expands rapidly, it may lack the structure or direction new employees require to handle these matters. They may also be uncertain whom to ask for advice. (29 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs7
Descriptive Verbs

Her report makes a recommendation that we do a study of the problem. (13 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs8
Descriptive Verbs

Her report recommends that we study the problem. (13 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs9
Descriptive Verbs

The committee had made the following series of recommendations. (9 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs10
Descriptive Verbs

The committee recommended the following: (5 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs11
Descriptive Verbs

The term “domain expertise” is used to describe some of the responses we can make. (15 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs12
Descriptive Verbs

The term “domain expertise” describes some of our potential responses. (10 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs13
Descriptive Verbs

They go ahead and make the purchase because they know they are doing the right thing. This gives people ownership as well as the responsibility to make decisions that directly impact their project. (33 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

descriptive verbs14
Descriptive Verbs

They purchase the equipment because management supports them. This approach enables ownership as well as responsibility for decisions directly impacting their project. (22 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

wordy phrases
Wordy Phrases

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

wordy phrases cont d
Wordy Phrases (cont’d)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

wordy phrases cont d1
Wordy Phrases (cont’d)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

wordy phrases1
Wordy Phrases

This meteorological data file was chosen due to the fact that the mill is also located on the north side of the valley. (23 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication

wordy phrases2
Wordy Phrases

This meteorological data file was chosen because the mill is also located on the north side of the valley. (19 words)

Whitmore/Stevenson: Strategies for Engineering Communication