10. I knocked myself out in the shower Don’t you hate when that happens? I guess we should be glad that when the worker regained consciousness, he made getting to work his top priority.
9. I was drunk and forgot which Waffle House I parked my car next to Aren’t those the lyrics to a country music song? It’s hard to decide if the most egregious offense is that the employee gets sloppy drunk or that he eats at the Waffle House.
8. I discovered my spouse was having an affair Too much information. Waaaaaayyyy to much information. Wouldn’t it be better to say a personal matter came up that you had to handle instead of airing your dirty laundry with your employer? Even worse, if this woman is lying because she doesn’t want to admit she overslept, or wanted to catch the Macy’s 30% off sale - or whatever – she’s ruined her poor husband’s reputation.
7. Someone robbed the gas station I was at People, this is why you should always fill up when you’re down to a quarter tank of gas in the car. If you wait until you’re riding on fumes, you just never know if the gas station is going to be robbed before you can fill up again. I guess that is also why you should always carry a change of clothes in your car.
6. I had to wait for the judge to set my bail Well of course he did. The legal system is funny that way. If you’re suspected of a crime, judges can’t really be expected to move you to the front of the line just because you have to go to work.
5. There was a stranger sleeping in my car According to Mayo Clinic data, the average American needs 7 hours to 8 hours of sleep, and many of us don’t meet this daily recommendation.
4. A herd of deer made me late Hey, it could happen. In fact, even in one of the country’s most cosmopolitan cities, the New York City Parks Department reported that in just six years, Staten Island’s white-tail deer population increased from 24 to 793.
3. I’m not late -I was thinking about work on the way in But apparently the employee wasn’t thinking that they might be late if they didn’t pick up their pace. Determining how to compensate workers who are “thinking about work,” although they’re not physically there, or producing any tangible evidence of work could be a nightmare for the HR department.
2. I had a dream I was fired But presumably, the employee woke up, right? And then remembered that it was a dream, right? If you dream someone is chasing you, do you wake up and start running? If you dream you’re back in high school, do you wake up and go to your high school – 20 years later? Of course not.
1. The trunk of my car was stolen Well at least they didn’t steal the whole car. It’s awfully hard to believe that someone would steal an entire trunk.