Habits: Form New Ones and Break the Bad Ones

1. Habits: Form New Ones and Break the Bad Ones sakhisanga@gmail.com, sakhisanga.blogspot.com, Facebook.com/Sakhisanga

2. Habits : Your Behavior

3. Habits : Your Daily Routine

4. A learned behavioral response that has become associated with a particular situation, esp one frequently repeated Event

5. State of Mind and Being- Your belief System, your Internal Thermostat!

6. State of Mind and Being- Your belief System, your Internal Thermostat!

7. State of being dependent on something

8. Having No Habits Is Also A Habit!!

9. Stephen Covey once wrote, “Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character.” 

10. How are habits formed? Association and Contemplation Upbringing People, Friends, Culture, Media, Sights and Sounds, Conceptions BhagavadGita References: 2.62-63, 15.7-9

11. How are habits formed? Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward Repetition Reward BhagavadGita: 3.36-37

12. How are habits formed? BhagavadGita: 3.36-37

13. How are habits formed?

14. What is our Reward?

15. Our excuse for not living our best life In my culture this is how we behave! I am the best so how can any feedback or lecture apply to me I did it like this because I was forced to I am powerless, because my husband/ mother/ boss is in control If situation X arises I do Y I did this thing because my husband wanted me to I am a rich person and I have a high standard I did not do well in college so I cannot do well anywhere I am a _______ type so I do ______ The principles of Bhakti are true but they do/will not work for me I am not good enough If someone does not acknowledge my presence, I don’t say “Hare Krsna” to them I do this because my parents did this and this is right thing If someone slaps me I slap them back

16. Habits =Blueprint= Comfort Zone=Attachment=Fears=Patterns= Conditioning=Memes=Identity Soul identifies with this identity We discover that these habits limit our creativity, render us ineffective, or cause us to suffer and block us from developing a relationship with Krsna. BhagavadGita Reference: Chapter 16

17. Gopibharturpadakamalayordasadasa das anudasa- I am eternal soul, servant of Krsna and His devotees. Habits =Blueprint= Comfort Zone=Attachment=Fears=Patterns= Conditioning=Memes=Identity Real Self! False Self! Trying to be sacidananda through the false self leads to frustration! BhagavadGita References: Chapter 16

18. Are we just like the mice trapped in a Digital Skinner box or is there a way out? BhagavadGita :7.14

19. ThroughSelf Observation, Self Acceptance, Practice and Detachment and above all Prayer we can overcome the bad ones and strengthen the good ones BhagavadGita References: 14.11, 6.34-35,7.14

20. Exercise!! • Step 1 • Write down the bad habit you are trying to quit. Start Simple. Choose Just One!! • Step 2 • Remember the last time you found yourself doing it. Observe your behavior objectively, almost as an outsider might see you.

22. Event Trigger (energy, tension, tightness, warmth, numbness • Step 2: • Note the details in black in your observation anger, anxiety, joy, excitement Resulting Behavior(Habit) Observable as language (stories, interpretation, justification, etc.) Reward!

23. Share your observations with your partner!

25. How do you feel about yourself or others in the situation?

26. I did it because she/he is bad, nasty, wrong in doing this to me I am so stupid, bad, useless,good for nothing By doing this, somewhere we are trying to compete with Krsna as the most perfect person . I want to be better than somebody is the biggest disease. I am trying to fill an inner lacking by being so I am the best. Everyone should think I am the best and that there is nothing imperfect about me. I care for myself(image and self image) I can accept myself only if I am perfect

27. Look at the situation as a third person. Can you lovingly accept the imperfect person?

28. Self –Acceptance is being and neutral and compassionate. I am tiny and imperfect, yet lovable. Krsna loves me unconditionally- I will make the change because I wish to reciprocate with His love How could I do something so stupid? I did it because she triggered me. Its not my fault Hmm. That was not very nice of me to respond like that. I really hurt her. She must have felt terrible I lovingly accept myself with my imperfect parts. I don’t have to convince myself or others that I was perfect in responding in the wrong way. I care for myself .

29. Am I comfortable with myself being imperfect? Can I tolerate myself with my imperfect parts? • Step 3:Self Acceptance • Don’t beat yourself up • Don’t cover for yourself • Be neutral and compassionate!! • I am tiny, imperfect and lovable • I deeply care for myself, my relationship with Krishna • Krsna is loving , He accepts us completely with all our faults • Compassionate to my own myself- accepting myself in that situation then from the platform I can bring about some change. • E.g. If we hurt someone but they still love us , then we are inspired to make a change so we do not hurt them again . E.g parents love their child anyway- so the child feels the impetus to change.

30. Step 3:Self Acceptance • From Acceptance comes Transformation

33. Step 4:Prayer • We feel humbled by our behavior. • We find this internal work very hard to do on our own • We cry out the Holy Names so Krsna protects us from ourselves

36. Over the week • Is the reward in the habit you are trying to fix really worth it! • Develop an awareness of the triggers and the three gears that go in motion: • Physical Sensations • Feelings • Rationale for your response • Note whether you are self accepting of the observations you have made about yourself

37. Next Week • We will encourage some of you to share your observations during the week • Prayer • Detachment • What is? • Its role in Habit Change • Replacing Bad Habit circuit with the Good Habits by aspiring for better Rewards

38. Thank you! Questions / comments/ additions

39. Reference verses from BhagavadGtia for the topics discussed Other related material Appendix

40. Our excuse for not living our best life • Memes : • “thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes in your mind that can be spread to and from other people’s minds.” • Memes are ideas that are transmitted, like viruses, and take up residence in our heads. • Their presence can influence our behavior and limit us in ways we don’t even notice unless we make a real effort to examine what we think and why. • Memes die hard because they’ve become who we think we are. 

41. The self

42. Habits formation through Association and Contemplation

43. Bg 2.62 — While contemplating the objects of the senses, a person develops attachment for them, and from such attachment lust develops, and from lust anger arises.Bg 2.63 — From anger, complete delusion arises, and from delusion bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered, intelligence is lost, and when intelligence is lost one falls down again into the material pool.

44. Why do we act out our habits as if pulled by a force- see Lord Krsna’sanswer to Arjuna’squestion Habits formation through repetition and reward

45. Bg 3.36 — Arjuna said: O descendant of Vṛṣṇi, by what is one impelled to sinful acts, even unwillingly, as if engaged by force?

46. Bg 3.37 — The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: It is lust only, Arjuna, which is born of contact with the material mode of passion and later transformed into wrath, and which is the all-devouring sinful enemy of this world.

47. Bg 15.7 — The living entities in this conditioned world are My eternal fragmental parts. Due to conditioned life, they are struggling very hard with the six senses, which include the mind.Bg 15.8 — The living entity in the material world carries his different conceptions of life from one body to another, as the air carries aromas. Thus he takes one kind of body and again quits it to take another.Bg 15.9 — The living entity, thus taking another gross body, obtains a certain type of ear, eye, tongue, nose and sense of touch, which are grouped about the mind. He thus enjoys a particular set of sense objects. Senses and body are grouped about the mind The present and next, life path and bodies we get is dependent upon our habits and choices

48. Self observation- mode of goodness - pause

49. BG 14.11 — The manifestation of the mode of goodness can be experienced when all the gates of the body are illuminated by knowledge. • Cultivate the mode of goodness: • Gita wisdom encourages us to regain our rightful position as the master of our impulses by cultivating the mode of goodness. • The Bhagavad-gita (14.11) states that the mode of goodness illuminates our senses with wisdom. This indicates that the mode of goodness gives us the inner illumination with which to use our outer senses wisely. • How can we cultivate the mode of goodness? • One practical and powerful way is by installing and activating an internal pause button. • Just as a pause button halts an electronic device in mid-action, our internal pause button halts our psychophysical device – our body and mind – in mid-action. • How can we develop such an internal pause button? • Through Self Observation. Review exercise on next page

50. Event Trigger (energy, tension, tightness, warmth, numbness • Step 2: • Note the details in black in your observation anger, anxiety, joy, excitement Resulting Behavior(Habit) Observable as language (stories, interpretation, justification, etc.) Reward!