Dealing with Difficult People

1. Dealing with Difficult People Know what you may be in for…visualize what may happen, and plan for dealing with difficult people… Then, when it happens, you can be proactive instead of reactive.

2. The Five Types of Difficult People • The Sherman Tank • The Whiner • The Wonderfully Nice • The Staller • The Wet Blanket

3. The Sherman Tank • Who: This is the bulldozer who runs all over you. This person is aggressive, angry, hostile, and belligerent. Everything must be done his way or no way. Your first instinct is to choke him. • What: This type puts you down, embarrasses you and picks at your personhood. Example: You offer someone a glass of water and you accidentally spill a drop or two on him. This person goes into a rage and calls you stupid, asks if your mother had any children who lived, says you don’t have two brain cells that match, etc. • Why: He acts that way because he is insecure. He feels that he is inferior but will not admit it so he must make you feel like the inferior one. He feels stupid therefore he will tell you that you are the stupidest person on the face of the earth. • How: Give this type time to run down. Then stand up, state your opinion without anger and with a smile on your face. Realize that there is only one adult in the room and you are it, therefore you must be the one to bend.

4. The Whiner • Who: The Whiner is the spoiled child, the complainer, one who is never happy. Everything is wrong and nothing is right. • What: Uses the words always and never. Example: You always leave the dishes in the sink. You never come over anymore. Complains in a sing-song voice. • Why: This type wants attention because he feels powerless. • How: Listen to this person. Decide what you can do to change the situation. Do not play the game of “Yes, but”. Turn things around by asking for his suggestions - put him back in control, then reward, stroke, praise him.

5. The Wonderfully Nice • Who: A great person, outgoing, sociable, considerate, and kind. He always says the right things. • What: Too wonderful. He makes promises he cannot keep even though he has the best of intentions. Example: Offering to baby-sit so you can go to the movies, then never showing up. • Why: This type wants everyone to love him. He is afraid of rejection. • How: Help him be more realistic. Reassure that person that you like him and realize he cannot do all the things he promises. Encourage him to be honest about his limitations. Example: Say “You are so sweet to offer to baby-sit for me, but didn’t you say you had to take one of your children to band practice and that your mother was coming over later?”

6. The Staller • Who: This type can never make a decision. You never get an answer from this person. He just will not deal with the issue. • What: He ends up promising to give you an answer time and time again, but just will not commit to a decision. Example: You want time off for a vacation and ask the boss. He tells you to come back the next day. The next day you go in and he says come back next week. Next week rolls around and he says come back at the end of the month. By the end of the month your travel agent says the trip is all booked up. • Why: This type is afraid of making the wrong decision and he is afraid of rejection. • How: Get him to understand he needs to make a decision. Acknowledge the difficult position he is in. Make suggestions on how this problem can be resolved. Encourage him to make a decision and let him know you will still respect him.

7. The Wet Blanket • Who: This type is very negative. He is sure that nothing is ever going to work out or change. • What: He uses words like always and never. Example: You decide to quit smoking by chewing nicotine gum and a friend tells you that it will never work. • Why: This type suffers from poor self-concept. He doesn’t want things to change because he would feel even more powerless. • How: Involve him in the process. Reassure, pet, coax, reinforce, convince him that things will work and that change is good. When he says things will not work, ask “What is the worst thing that can happen?”

8. All of us become each of these types once in a while, but we are not these people constantly. We cannot change individuals so we must change ourselves and how we respond to these people. Remember, ask yourself why this person is behaving in such a manner, do not just respond the same way. Once you understand the “why of it” then you will know how to respond to the behaviour.

9. Always remember: We can only control our own actions. Everybody else owns their own actions. It is better to be proactive than reactive. Thank you for participating in this workshop.