Dealing With Difficult People

1. Dealing With Difficult People UWS Aspire Leadership Program Year 2 INSPIRING TRANSFORMATIONAL LEADERSHIP

2. Contents Social behaviours Types of difficult people Understanding yourself and others How to handle difficult behaviours How to have difficult conversations How to become a better listener Don’t avoid conflict, manage it When to walk away from a fight From conflict to cooperation Acknowledgements

3. Social Behaviours of Difficult People • Difficult people behave in socially inappropriate ways • Lack of cooperation & poor teamwork • Bullying, harassment & verbal abuse • Rejection, backstabbing, gossip & office politics • Complaining and being rude • Controlling or disrespectfulness

4. Types of Difficult People The Tank – is a controntational, pointed, and angry. They are the ultimate in pushy & agressive behaviour. The Sniper – like to make you look foolish through either a rude comment, a well timed eye roll or bitting sarcasim The Grenade – goes from being calm to ranting & raving about things that have nothing to do with the present circumstances

5. Types of Difficult People • The Know It All – has a low tolerence for correction & contradiction, However if something is to go wrong they will speak with the same authority about who is to blame • The Think They Know It All • Can’t fool all the people all the time • They can fool some of the people enough of the time • And enough people all the time • All for the sake of getting some attention

6. Types of Difficult People The Yes Person – says yes to everything in order to please people & avoid conflict The Maybe Person – in a moment of choice procrastinates in the hope that a better choice will present itself. The Nothing Person – no verbal feedback, no non-verbal feedback, what else would you expect? The No Person – is disguised as a mild mannered normal person, they are fighting a never ending battle for futlity, hopelessness and dispair.

7. Types of Difficult People • The Whiner – feels helpless & overwhelmed by an unfair world. Their standard is perfection and no one or nothing measures up to it. They love to share their problems & the more advice you give to them, the worse their whinging gets.

8. Understanding Yourself and Others TASK FOCUS GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE NORMAL ZONE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE GET APPRECIATED GET ALONG PEOPLE FOCUS

9. How to Handle Difficult Behaviours • Define the problem as a person and you’re in trouble; define it as a behaviour and you can do something. • People can’t change who they are, but nearly everyone can change the way they act.

10. How to Handle Difficult Behaviours Strategies for addressing difficult behaviours: • Understanding the situation allows you to be soft on the person and hard on the problem • Get it out in the open • Agree on ground rules for communication • Act promptly • Act regularly until the difficult behaviour stops

11. How to have Difficult Conversations • First Step = Sort out which conversation you are having • Focus NOT on what is true, but what is important • Don’t fall into the “blame game” • Shift to a “learning conversation”

12. How to have Difficult Conversations • Disentangle INTENTION from IMPACT • Ask open-ended questions & para-phase to check you’ve understood • See conversations as “BOTH…AND” not “EITHER…OR”

13. How to Become a Better Listener Your goal : Listen to understand • Blend visibly & audibly • Backtrack some of the person’s own words • Clarify the meaning, intent & criteria • Summarise what you’ve heard • Confirm to find out if you got it right

14. Don’t Avoid Conflict, Manage It Some conflicts cannot be resolved unless one party, or both give something up. The Path to resolution: What people demand is not necessarily what they must have Your first job is to UNDERSTAND the other party Concentrate on COMMON interests, not differences Get to know your own HOT BUTTONS and needs There are times when avoiding conflict is the right thing to do!

15. When to Walk Away from a Fight • The issue at the centre of a disagreement can’t be as important as the damage to relationships and self-esteem that may follow.

16. When to Walk Away from a Fight Tips to guide your thinking: • Calculate the emotional investment • Watch your language • Stay calm • Be alert to body language • Be assertive, not aggressive • Tell your side of the story calmly • Seek information from the other party • Keep in mind that you can’t change what is done. Focus on the present & the future NOT the past • Reach agreement

17. From Conflict to Cooperation • United we stand, but divided we can’t stand each other! • The key to achieving cooperation is through skilful communication • The steps to cooperation are: • Reduce differences, and seek common ground • Listen to understand first, and you unlock the doors to people’s minds • Reach a deeper understanding by identifying positive intent and highly valued criteria • Speak to be understood and to create trust rather than defensiveness • Assume the best, and give people the benefit of the doubt!

18. Conclusion “Do something. If it works, do more of it. If it doesn’t, do something else.” Franklin D Roosvelt

19. Acknowledgements Dealing With People You Can’t Stand, DR. R. Brinkman& DR. R. Kirscfiner, 2002, McGraw-Hill Dealing With Difficult People, 2005, Harvard Business School Press

20. Avril Henry Managing Director Level 4, Suite 4.13 55 Miller Street Pyrmont NSW 2009 Phone: 02 9660 2400 Fax: 02 9660 2411 Email: enquiries@ahrevelations.com Web: www.avrilhenry.com.au