Lingustics 19 2014F Assignment 2

1. Lingustics 192014FAssignment 2 Puns

2. Hannah Lee • Homophonic: The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. • Oronym: A farmer was checking on his prize-winning crops. He was out standing in his field. • Idiom: No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation • Original: Wikipedia is not always a trustworthy web cite.

3. Devin Shen • Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest. • I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive. • An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. http://www.sillypuns.com/ • Original: The firemen really have fashion and style as they work because they always have that sense of flare.

4. Carrie Rapaport • Star Wars Day – May the 4th…Be With You (followed by Revenge of the 5th) • “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” (George Carlin) • “She’s got freckles on her but…she’s nice.” • Original: Josh thought he was cthulher than everyone else after he got an autographed picture of H.P. Lovecraft at the Sci-Fi Convention.

5. Margaret English • Oronym: The melon wanted to get married in secret, but then she realized she cantaloupe.  • Oronym: Why is Peter Pan so bad at boxing? His punches Neverland. • Idiom: When I do laundry, I have loads of fun. • Homophonic:  I saw a beaver movie last night. It was the best dam movie I've ever seen. • Original: I went to the planetarium last Saturnday. It was marsvelous.

6. Ashley Huang • Homophone: A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired. • Oronym: When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A. • Spoonerism: Mad banners • Original: You OTTER go to the aquarium to see the sea otters! They are OTTER-ly adorable!

7. Tiffany Hsu • How do you organize a space party? You planet! • What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium or curium, you might as well barium. • What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms? 2 Na. • Original: An egg fungi walks into a bus and tries to find a seat. A fellow water mold calls out, "Oh, my seat is open!" = (Oomycetes)

8. Yiqin Liu • Homophones: You have dancing shoes with nimble soles. I have a soul of lead. So stakes me to the ground I cannot move. • Idiom: To write with a broken pencil is pointless. • Spoonerism: A lack of pies (A pack of lies) • Original: I am so corn-fused about why you are so a-maized that Mexicans eat so much maize?

9. Maddie Mundorf • A feghoot! Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. • Homophonic: Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

10. Maddie Mundorf (cont.) • Oronymic pun: How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. • Original: A local beggar was outcast to one particular street corner on account of an off-putting illness that gave him bumps and sores. Despite his best efforts, he couldn’t convince the populace to allow him to move, prompting him to hold up a sign reading “A leper can’t change his spot.”

11. Ron Arbel • If you get into an accident, where do you take your car to get it fixed? To the dent-ist! • If we don't conserve water we could go from one ex-stream to another. • Original: How do you make an ice cube laugh? Put it in warm water and it starts to crack up!

12. Logan Kim •  I was upset with my wall climbing abilities, I just couldn't seem to get a grip. • I really do have a photographic memory -- I just haven't developed it yet. • What does a porcupine like to do when playing volleyball? Spike. • Original: The patient needed an emergency blood transfusion. It was in vein.

13. Dau-Po Yu • What do you call a zoo with just one dog? A shit zoo. • Son: Dad, can I go to the 50 cent concert? Dad: Sure, here’s one dollar. Take your sister, too. • If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out Hi Jack! • Original (based on Mandarin Chinese): Mom: Have you read your book and studied for your test? Son: I have done reading it. (he got Ø on the test) [I have done reading it (wo kan wan le) vs. (wo kan, wan le) I will do terrible job on this]

14. Elton Leong • Honomymic: Un pececito le pregunta a otro, “¿Qué hace tu padre?” El otro responde, “Nada.” • Idiom: It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. • Oronymic: Two men were on a boat and wanted to smoke, but they didn't have anything to light their cigarettes, so they threw a cigarette overboard and made the boat a cigarette lighter. • Original: I threw an open bag of Lays at my friend. His face got all red, and I guess it was because he had a chip on his shoulder.

15. Isaac Yeo • Oronymic: What do vegetables say when they want to party? Lettuce turnip the beet. • Homophones: A man is stuck in a box with no doors, windows or openings of any kind. Inside with him is an orange and a mirror. How does he get out? He looks in the mirror, sees what he saw, and takes the saw to cut the orange into 2 halves. He puts together the 2 halves to form a whole, and he climbs out through it. • Math pun • Original: Can you draw a conclusion from this picture?

16. Alex Daniele • The forest burned down but now it's back by poplar demand. • Is coffee your daily grind? • A good pun is its own reword. • Original: You wrote a poem about Atlantis? That must be deep.

17. Davey Wong • There's a circus in town. I heard it was intense. • A dyslexic man walks into a bra.  • A cheetah and a lion are in a race. The Cheetah wins and the Lion yells "You Cheetah!"; No way the Cheetah responds, "You're Lion!” • Original: He knew it was a play on words, a pun, hearing it.

18. Amy Tam • In queso emergency, pray to cheeses. • What did the ocean say to the shore?  Nothing; it just waved • U See LA • Original: After losing his hand to Peter Pan, Captain Hook gave him many left-handed compliments.