Life's Journey: Destination Nowhere. A Multi-Media project by Darryl Baldwin.
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A Multi-Media project by Darryl Baldwin
As a child I was told to reach for the sky and follow my dreams. At times it can seem like those dreams are within reach, but in reality they are just beyond grasp. We feel those dreams are what your destined to accomplish, but does anyone know what their true destiny is?People go their whole life in search of this, but I’ve yet to meet someone who can admit to successfully doing so. Is our destiny what makes us truly happy? Even though the happiness you achieve inversely causes someone else's sorrow. Could it be what you can do the better those around you? It must say it brings me joy to see my actions make the ones I truly care about happy. Then again, that’s just living to please the others around me. I myself have no clue as to what I really want to do in life. I sit and ponder at the stars asking myself, what’s my purpose? I'm like a spec in this gigantic universe, unable to find my purpose. Even the most insignificant particles of matter have a purpose, Like interstellar dust combining over time to become part of something as massive as a galaxy. I long to know what the bigger picture is for me. Am I just a spec of dust, or will I grow into a galaxy?
As I wondered through life I found that my actions coherently effect others around me. Similar to the way a pebble makes ripples in a pond. The waves expand, disrupting the calm serenity of the still water eventually leveling out over time. The only problem is that my life has yet to level out. I get the feeling that it will only do so when I reach this so called destiny of mine. With that being said, did that pebble exist to cause ripples in the pond? And if I'm like the pebble did my parents intend for me to cause ripples in this giant pond of a world we live in? When I think of people who caused ripples names like Martin Luther King Jr. and Abraham Lincoln come to mind . These men changed the lives of people in such a positive way. At the same time people like Hitler caused major negative waves in society. He believed his destiny was to cause the deaths of millions. So if a destiny can be so grim as that, is it really worth chasing.
Then suddenly I ask myself, “Why the hell do you ask so many freaking questions? Can’t you just be content with life and be thankful for actually existing? The word exist is such dull term to me though… If I strive just to exist I might end up like that god forsaken pebble at the bottom of the pond. Simply forgotten by the world after sending waves throughout it. At this point I feel as if I must concentrate on myself and achieve my personal goals, regardless of the effect it has on others. I know Adolf Hitler might have seemed like a villain but to the Aryan’s he was like a martyr. And the racist of the time felt as if the actions of Martin Luther King Jr. were simply unheard of. How could I possibly judge the actions of others when those actions have their own inverse effects. I then said I can only concern myself with things that directly involved me.
With all this focus on myself, I soon realized I had begun to change as a person. I was more determined to reach my destiny ever beforeand I intended to do so on my own. The problem is that I still didn’t know what it was. So I blinded myself into thinking that the world revolved around me and that I could do no wrong. I showed no regard for those who helped me reach the point were I now stood.
So now with the notion that I must focus on my own identity I find myself at a crossroad. What is it that I really want? The problem was that I still didn’t know what it was. ” Well… I like money & clothes. Hell lets go with it.” were my exact words. From there I did what ever it took to achieve the material possessions I longed for. I began to see my social status rise as well. People I’d never known, were now calling themselves my friends.
My interest in material things and money became the root of my problems. I made terrible decisions for the sake of wealth. Mother always warned me that I couldn’t trust everyone. That proved to be so very true. I saw friends turn to enemies and enemies turn to friends. I allowed hose who obviously didn’t have my best interest in mind get close to me. This almost turned my life upside down. For a while I was headed the wrong way up a one way.
After reaching a all time low I was faced with a massive flow of emotions. Often uncontrollably I would go from happy to stressed in a instant. Depression? No. More like my brain was confused as to how I should be feeling. Should I pity myself for my part in dishonest deeds, be angered at my own ignorance, or be happy I didn’tend up in a worse condition? I needed to get away from everyone and the things that influenced me. So I did just that.
I got in the car and put my iPod on skip, then headed south. I found that music quieted the storm of emotions spiraling around inside me. The melodies somewhat soothed my insecurities. But what really got my attention was the notes. Together they made the magic of music, yet by themselves they become just another common noise. What if the people of this world work in the same way. The right notes must be in the right place to stay in tune. Just like the right people must be be in place for society to be successful. I needed the right people around me to succeed.
I drove for hours eventually ending up south of the capital of Florida pondering the horizon. They called this place the “Forgotten Coast.” At the time I wanted to be just that, forgotten… Here nobody new my faults nor looked at me differently. I made the decision to attend Georgia State that day. I was no closer to my destiny then I was when I first started. At this point I just wanted to increased my knowledge. Maybe I could then better understand those around me through experiences with them. I had come to the conclusion the knowledge is the most valuable thing I could consistently attain. I firmly believe this till this day. Watching the waves rolling in, I wondered how much is it out there that I’ve yet to experience.
I finally stopped looking for my destiny recently. I will let it find me. If feel like the more knowledge I get the closer I’ll be. I finally found out that I can’t contain myself to one objective, for my imagination is far to vast. And my potential extends beyond that. I wouldn’t be in my best interest to try to hide my imagination as it is the reason I started this journey in the first place. We are all part of a big picture no matter how big or how small. The important thing is how you choose to view this picture. Your outlook on life can determine whether you’re a building block or stepping stone for those that follow. Mine will be to embrace emotions everywhere, together we can make music instead of making noise individually.