Chapter five: invitational skills

1. Chapter five: invitational skills

2. “Active listening”, “Attending skills” OUR body language affect’s the client Read their signals Nonverbal messages can be misread Cannot base conclusions solely on nonverbals Cultural differences Gender differences Non-verbal skills

3. Indicates interest Western culture Other cultures Forces intimacy Match client’s level Don’t always use a “fixed stare” Natural breaks in eye contact Eye contact

4. Attentive posture Don’t be too casual Lean slightly forward Don’t cross arms or legs Calm voice Emphasize words Be self-aware Body positioning & tone of voice

5. Silence = discomfort (typically) Can open client up more Don’t use too often or too early Will seem odd at first Forces client to take the lead Don’t use with anxious/psychotic clients As you gain experience, use silence more Silence as a tool

6. Cultural differences Self-aware Genuine responses Provides lots of info. Pacing, rocking back & forth, tapping foot, shifty eyes Avoid letting client see you’ve lost interest, or check the time more than once (or roll eyes!) Face & body expressions

7. Cultural norms 18 inches – 3 feet Western norm No physical barriers (desk) Can be used intentionally to create discomfort Use movable chairs Client chooses distance Physical distance

8. Warmth ? What does that mean? Touch = show of concern Touch- use sparingly & not with “at risk” clients (hx abuse, extreme anxiety) Only with well-known clients Touch should never be forced Be willing to discuss Beginners should avoid touching clients Warmth & touch

9. Opening skills

10. Encouragers: Say more, tell me more, expand on that, talk more about that, etc.. Door openers vs. door closers (positive/negative) (“tell me about that” vs. “when will you learn?) Minimal Encouragers- shows interest/that you’re with them (Yes, umm hmm, I hear you) “Tell me more” skills

11. Most easily abused skill • When to use questions? • Need specific info • Something’s unclear • Encourage Why questions = put them on defense or rationalize Leading questions = YOU are telling them the answer Use silence! Don’t bombard with questions questions

12. Open & closed questions Closed Questions Seek a specific answer (short) Facts Specific info desired Should be used intentionally (How old are you? Do you go to school?) Hard to know what facts to pursue/what direction to go

13. Open Questions • Freedom • They decide which direction to go • Get more info • Client can refuse to answer • (what, how, when, where, who) • “Can you describe your relationship with your husband?” • “How do you handle stress?” • Keep an eye on # questions you’re asking • Work on feeling comfortable with silence

14. Role-Play Break into Pairs Client: You are a client who is struggling with future career goals. You either can’t decide on a major or don’t know what to do next with your life. The main issue should be “I don’t know what to do with my life” or “I’m just kind of stuck.” Make it realistic, not over-dramatic or difficult. 5 minutes for each of you as counselor Counselor: You are to primarily use questions as a way to interact with the client. Use attending skills but focus on questions. Be aware of the type of question you’re asking and WHY. Monitor the impact the questions have on the client. Use variation in type, frequency, phrasing in order to see how it affects the client. Experimentation is more important than getting it all “right”. Give appropriate feedback to each other.

15. Role-Play: No Questions! With your partner, role-play again: BUT the counselor will not ask ANY questions. 5 minutes each Rely on: Silence Minimal encouragers “I see” “Okay” “Mm Hmm” “Go on” “I’m with you” “Say more about that” Discuss with the class- easy? Hard? Uncomfortable? Helpful?

16. Chapter six: paraphrasing

17. Repeating back to the client their own thoughts/feelings/ implications in a shorter way, using different words WHY do we do this? Lets them know we understand/are listening Shows empathy They can confirm or refute your reflection Gets client to go deeper into issue Can pinpoint aspects of message that may not be so obvious to client Reflecting…….

18. 1) Paraphrasing “so this week has been difficult, between work and school” 2) Reflecting Feeling “You felt discouraged and sad about your job and problems at home” 3) Reflecting Meaning “You started looking at yourself as a failure because your work and home life are unfulfilling right now” Three reflecting skills:

19. Shorter version, you restate the facts/thoughts differently and in a nonjudgmental way • Must take a neutral stance • Involves 2 steps: 1) Listening carefully 2) Feeding back to client condensed & differently Can’t be too long! It’s a miniature version of their story paraphrasing

20. Should follow a sequence of invitational skills Can be used as soon as you grasp the facts Do not paraphrase after every client statement! LISTEN- take time, use encouragers to get more in depth- Trying to solve the problem quickly is a leading reason for clients dropping out of therapy General paraphrasing guidelines

21. Paraphrases can range from “surface” to “deep” Deeper paraphrases focus on client’s responsibility Do not simply list facts that you heard Learn to turn off your internal noise- you can’t hear the client if your thoughts distract you! You will get less anxious as you practice! Watch your tone!!! Nonjudgmental

22. Nonjudgmental: “So you see yourself as a hard worker, but you think your coworkers are critical of your dedication” Judgmental: “Things aren’t going very well at your job because your coworkers mistreat you” See the difference??

23. Segment 3 Samantha- Therapist/ Stacey- Client Try and identify/ jot down a couple of paraphrases Samantha uses (there are 5) How did Stacey react to the paraphrases? Were they effective? Video example

24. On your own, read the following scenario and write down a couple of possible nonjudgmental paraphrases (be ready to share with the class) “I’ve just started a relationship with a coworker. It’s the best thing that’s happened to me. But here’s the thing: She’s married and has a kid. I don’t want to be the kind of person who breaks up a relationship, but I guess she wouldn’t be seeing me if everything was fine between her and her husband.” Exercise