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Chapter 28 The Value of Relationships

Chapter 28 The Value of Relationships. Robert Holmes. This material may be used without fee or charge, providing relevant acknowledgement is made about authorship. No replication, printing or use in training Institutions without prior written permission. . Relational Integrity.

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Chapter 28 The Value of Relationships

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  1. Chapter 28The Value of Relationships Robert Holmes This material may be used without fee or charge, providing relevant acknowledgement is made about authorship. No replication, printing or use in training Institutions without prior written permission.

  2. Relational Integrity • Integrity means that your external behaviour corresponds to your internal belief pattern. Your visible conduct matches your inward conviction • Certain things undermine relationships

  3. The story of Sibusiso • Sibusiso grew up in KwaZulu Natal in South Africa. • Got work in Durban, got work in Jo’berg • Had a wife and kids living back home. • He had a decision to make

  4. Undermining Relationships • 1. Sentimentality. Our relationship starts with good intentions, but we never evaluate them down the track. They become mere sentiment. • We look back to the good old days

  5. Undermining Relationships • 2. False expectations. We have an unspoken expectation of the other person. • Disappointment builds upon disappointment, and shortly the relationship is in distress

  6. Undermining Relationships • 3. Illusions. These are fantasy ideas we have. • We have notions about our relationship that are not true. • In cases like these, we are in for dis-illusionment, that is, loosing your illusion.

  7. Undermining Relationships • 4. Lack of Honesty. • Dr. House: most watched TV program of 2007-08 season • What was his appeal? • Similar to Dr. Sherlock Holmes

  8. Deal with diseases • To strengthen our relationships we are going to need to deal with several relational diseases • 1. Co-dependency • This disease requires both a dysfunctional personal and an enabler

  9. Deal with diseases • 2. Contempt • This disease requires both a dysfunctional personal and an enabler. • Dr. John Gottman’s research: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism and contempt. • Little things like rolling your eyes.

  10. Finding Reality 1.  Modality vs sodality • Modality: what we do together. It is the motion, the work we do, the movement we serve, the job we do together.   • Sodality: who we are together. The emotion, the family and community, the belonging together. Blood is thicker than water.

  11. Finding Reality 2.  Do you have agreement? • The prophet Amos made this remarkable observation on human relationships: “How can two men walk together unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3).

  12. Finding Reality 3.Selfishness • Dr. Larry Crabb says, “selfishness is the number one reason marriages get into trouble.”

  13. Deepening Relationships 1. Be absolutely honest • You can’t be vulnerable, transparent, open with everyone. • But with your most valued friendships, you owe it to them to be utterly honest. • Especially spouses

  14. Deepening Relationships 2. Let people fail in front of you • Allow people to stumble, and wrestle with their issues • Try not to judge or condemn them as they try

  15. Deepening Relationships 3. Come as close as you want • Water will always find it’s level • We try to create froth and bubble, stirring people up. But they will find their level

  16. Contact Details For more information contact Storm Harvest www.stormharvest.com.au www.balancingact.me Cootamundra, NSW Australia Cape Girardeau, Missouri USA Johanessburg, Gauteng Sth Africa Ponnur, Andra Pradesh India Cagayan de Oro, Mindanao Philippines

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