Best Practices in Embracing a Positive School Environment

1. CAIS Southern Regional Meeting March 8, 2010 Best Practices in Embracing a Positive School Environment

2. He then drove to a friend's house in San Clemente's Forster Ranch neighborhood, parked a couple of doors down, got out of the car, and shot himself in a front yard in broad daylight. He did not leave a suicide note. The lawsuit follows a $3 million legal claim filed in June against the school district that contained essentially the same allegations. The school district did not respond to the claim, paving the way for the lawsuit. Mendez’s parents have declined all requests to be interviewed since taking legal action, but in a Register interview shortly after her son's death, Anna Mendez talked extensively about her son’s accomplishments and his aspirations to study law and attend college in San Diego. "He was consistently an honor-roll student,” Anna Mendez said. “He was an amazing young man and will forever be loved." Mendez was a freshman football player, a Boy Scout, a trombone player and a black belt in tae kwon do. Asked what about Mendez might have made him a bullying target, Traut said he was an extremely quiet young man who never provoked or fought back. THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER Parents of teen who shot himself sue school district Daniel Mendez, 16, was "systematically tormented" by bullying at school. Friday, August 28, 2009 By SCOTT MARTINDALE SAN JUAN CAPISTRANO – The parents of a San Clemente High School sophomore who killed himself have filed a wrongful-death lawsuit against the Capistrano Unified School District that alleges administrators failed to stop the "blatant and ongoing" bullying leading up to his suicide. Daniel Mendez, 16, was found May 1 in a residential neighborhood near his San Clemente home, dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. His parents, Danny and Anna Mendez, filed the lawsuit today in Orange County Superior Court. “You can’t eliminate all bullying, but you can certainly deal with bullying when it gets to the level of a kid who is just chronically being tormented,” said the parents’ attorney, James Traut. “Parents should be able to rely on schools to protect their kids.” “Daniel Mendez experienced bullying and racial harassment incidents frequently while enrolled in the school,” the lawsuit says. “When complaints of Daniel Mendez being abused by other students were brought to the attention of administrators, nothing was done.” Traut said he did not know why Mendez was bullied or the nature of his exchanges with other students, but described the bullying incidents as frequent and involving multiple groups of students who verbally and physically assaulted the teen on campus during the school day. Both Mendez and his parents approached San Clemente High administrators at separate times to discuss the bullying, which began in middle school, Traut said. “He complained about the bullying to school administrators,” the lawsuit says. “In response, students labeled him a rat.” The lawsuit cites two unnamed “older students” who “systematically tormented him for years.” It’s unclear whether Mendez, described in the suit as Hispanic American, was targeted because his race, Traut said. The bullying "intensified" the week of Mendez's suicide, which was on a Friday, Traut said. After classes ended on May 1, Mendez went home, broke into a locked cabinet where his father kept guns, and loaded a revolver, according to the lawsuit.

3. A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions whether verbal, written, or physical by one or more individuals where he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself (Olweus). What is Bullying?

4. This definition includes the following important components: • 1. Bullying is aggressive behavior that involves unwanted, negative actions. • 2. Bullying involves a pattern of behavior repeated over time. • 3. Bullying involves an imbalance of power or strength.  4. Bullying creates an intimidating or hostile environment that substantially interferes with student educational opportunities.

5. Types of Bullying 1. Verbal bullying including derogatory comments and bad names 2. Bullying through social exclusion or isolation 3. Physical bullying such as hitting, kicking, shoving, and spitting 4. Bullying through lies and false rumors 5. Having money or other things taken or damaged by students who bully 6. Being threatened or being forced to do things by students who bully 7. Racial bullying 8. Sexual bullying 9. Cyber bullying (via cell phone or Internet)*

6. What is Cyber Bullying? • Cyber bullying includes, but is not limited to, the following misuses of technology: harassing, teasing, intimidating, threatening another student by way of any technological tool, such as sending or posting an inappropriate or derogatory email message, telephone message, instant message, text message, digital picture or image, or website posting (including an individual or collective blog) (Connect with Kids). The problem is compounded by the fact that a bully can hide behind an electronic veil, disguising his or her true identity (Do Something). This makes it difficult to trace the source, and encourages bullies to behave more aggressively than they might face-to-face.

7. Why Students Bully 1. Students who bully have strong needs for power and (negative) dominance. 2. Students who bully find satisfaction in causing injury and suffering to other students. 3. Students who bully are often rewarded in some way for their behavior with material or psychological rewards.  4. Students who bully are often victims of bullying themselves.

8. Impact of Bullying A single student who bullies can have a wide-ranging impact on the students they bully, students who observe bullying, and the overall climate of the school and community.

9. Students Who are Bullied  Students deserve to feel safe at school. But when they experience bullying, these types of effects can last long into their future: • Depression • Low self-esteem • Health problems • Poor grades • Suicidal thoughts  • Missed school

10. Students Who Bully Others Students who intentionally bully others should be held accountable for their actions. Those who bully their peers are also more likely than those students who do not bully others to: • Get into frequent fights • Steal and vandalize property • Drink alcohol and smoke • Report poor grades • Perceive a negative climate at school • Carry a weapon

11. Observers of Bullying Students who see bullying happen also may feel that they are in an unsafe environment. Effects may include feeling: • Fearful • Powerless to act • Guilty for not acting • Tempted to participate

12. Schools with Bullying Issues When bullying continues and a school does not take action, the entire school climate can be affected in the following ways: • The school develops an environment of fear and disrespect • Students have difficulty learning • Students feel insecure • Students dislike school • Students perceive that teachers and staff have little control and don't care about them

13. The Bullying Circle • Nearly one in five students in an average classroom is experiencing bullying in some way. The rest of the students, called bystanders, are also affected by the bullying. • The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program describes students involved or witnessing a bullying situation as having roles in the Bullying Circle

15. Bullying Prevention at St. Mary’s Positive behavior should be encouraged through… • Christian Values / Code of Conduct • IB Learner Profiles • Empowered and Confident Students *Remember, the word “discipline” comes from the same root as the word “disciple” which means “to teach.”

16. Proposed Steps for Bully Prevention (from Stan Davis, Stop Bullying Now) • Create a School-wide Bullying Prevention committee to oversee the program • Arrange staff training • Assess effectiveness • Suggest changes • Monitor consistency • Define and recruit members

17. Proposed Steps for Bully Prevention 2. Train all staff • Staff serves as role models • Consistent response and reporting • Staff encourage student reporting • Possible online trainings

18. Proposed Steps for Bully Prevention 3. Maintain a positive feeling and strong staff-student connections • Staff models respectful behavior • Use a variety of mentoring strategies • Maintain optimism and belief that students can change • Avoid anger as a disciplinary strategy

19. Proposed Steps for Bully Prevention 4. Address gender issues • Homophobic bullying in boys • Sexual slurs for girls • More physical aggression in boys • Covert bullying in girls

20. Proposed Steps for Bully Prevention 5. Use frequent descriptive praise for positive behavior • Use descriptive behavior (“I noticed that you have been playing without fighting”) instead of trait-based (“You’re so kind”)‏ • I – messages (“I’m so happy you are treating others nicely”)‏ • Provide opportunities for students to see the positive effects of their changed behavior

21. Proposed Steps for Bully Prevention 6. Develop consensus about specific rules • Unacceptable behaviors grouped by action: teasing and exclusion, severe harassment, physical aggression • Focus rules on action rather than intention • Avoid “who started it” by focusing on the choices each student made

22. Proposed Steps for Bully Prevention 7. Maintain a school-wide reporting expectation for any form of physical or verbal aggression • Report behavior to one central person (ie. Division Heads)‏ • Allow for consistent consequences • Emphasize importance of behavior

23. Proposed Steps for Bully Prevention 8. Develop a school-wide behavior rubric • Outlines specific, predictable, and escalating consequences • More severe behavior leads to more severe consequences • Consequences are predictable and based on the student’s choice in behavior • Allow for case by case discretion

24. Proposed Steps for Bully Prevention 9. Support reflection and develop empathy after consequences are known • Ask students to write about their involvement, how their behavior affected others, how they can reach a goal through their positive actions and choices • Ask open-ended questions to promote reflection • Avoid questions that allow the student to blame the target, give excuses, or trivialize the behavior

25. Proposed Steps for Bully Prevention 10. Involve Parents • Inform parents of positive and negative behaviors • Acknowledge when a student tells the truth they show concern for the effects of their actions and respect for others • Find roles for the parent • Invite parents to add other interventions • Meet regularly without issue to strengthen bond

26. Proposed Steps for Bully Prevention 11. Empower peer bystander • Students need to feel safe in making staff aware of situations • Protect and praise those who report • Develop and identify select students who are willing to help others by stopping bullying • Encourage students to befriend isolated peers

27. Proposed Steps for Bully Prevention 12. Celebrate your successes • Share specific positive feedback with all stakeholders • Conduct anonymous surveys for data • Collect positive and negative feedback to continue to evaluate

28. “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.” • Harvey S. Firestone

29. Works Cited Connect with Kids. CWK Network, Inc. 2006. Web. 7 October 2009 < http://www.connectwithkids.com >. Davis, Stan. Stop Bullying Now. 2009. Web. 7 October 2009 < http://www.stopbullyingnow.com > . DoSomething.org. 2009. Web. 7 October 2009 < http://www.dosomething.org >. Martindale, Scott. “Parents of teen who shot himself sue school district.” The Orange County Register. 28 August 2009. Web. 7 October 2009 < http://www.ocregister.com/articles/school-lawsuit-mendez-2544726-bullying-san >. Olweus Bullying Prevention Program. Hazeldon Foundation. 2008. Web. 7 October 2009 < http://www.olweus.org/public/index.page >. Additional Resource: Stop Bullying Now. Health Resources and Services Administration. Web. 7 October 2009 < http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov >.