Conflict Resolution

1. Conflict Resolution Managing Emotions

2. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects

3. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects • Think of a recent conflict in which you felt intense emotion.

4. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects • Now think about what part of your body you experienced them with. These may included things such as: • Butterflies and churning in the stomach. • Stiffness or tight muscles and even tension in your neck, shoulders, jaw or chest. • Possibly even a headache.

5. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects • Emotions effect the progress and outcome of a conflict such as: • It may impede it by causing attention to shift from the issue to the emotion. • It inhibits listening and expression of concerns. • It can lead to suppression and avoidance of the issue because it is to uncomfortable.

6. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects • When emotions become overwhelming, you may face: • Emotions taking over the situation. • It may result in screaming, crying, physical and/or verbal abuse. • There may be complete avoidance of the issue due to fear of repeating the scene.

7. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects • There are some emotions that are more significant than others in regard to conflict. These are: • Anger • Resentment • Hurt • Guilt • Regret • Fear

8. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Anger • When appropriately expressed, anger can be a fire for change. When it is misdirected or inappropriately expressed it can be destructive. • Recognizing and accepting our own anger will provide the driving force for change. • Offloading it onto others, gives away our power an often leaves us stuck with the problem.

9. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Resentment • This is like frozen anger and is a feeling that blames others for a situation or a hurt we feel. • It’s a way of holding others apart from us, to maintain a position of being right, superior or self righteous. • It is often easier to feel resentment rather than take responsibility for other feelings, or for changing the situation.

10. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Hurt • Underneath resentment and anger there is often hurt. Acknowledging that you feel hurt is empowering. • The alternatives are to withdraw, to seek revenge or to feel resentment; all of which contribute to the escalation of conflict. • Often it is easier for others to acknowledge our hurt rather than our anger. When talking about our anger we may be better received if we also talk about our hurt.

11. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Guilt • Guilt can be very destructive when we allow it to gnaw away at us. • It can be very productive when we allow ourselves to feel it fully, and than move on by seeking to understand its source. • It is then that we can move on to resolve it, either by refraining from the action that produced it or maybe finding a different behavior.

12. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Regret • Often we show anger or resentment we are also hiding regret. • We have great difficulty in expressing the pain and sorrow under anger and resentment. • Fear, anxiety and embarrassment block the expression of regret. • It is a huge feeling that is the acknowledgement of the unfilled potential of a situation. • It is often the last emotion before we let go of the “if only’s” and reach a place of acceptance.

13. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Fear • We often experience this when we feel out of control of a situation. • Fear arises from our interpretation of what the outcome will be: Physical or emotional hurt, or consequences that will diminish us or our circumstances in some way.

14. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Fear • Fantasy • Experienced • As • Reality Or

15. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Fear • False • Evidence • Appearing • Real

16. Managing Emotions Identifying Motions and their Effects Fear • By separating the interpretation from the reality and becoming centered within ourselves; it will allow us to choose an appropriate action.

17. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions

18. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • There are two categories when we look at techniques for expressing or dealing with our emotions:

19. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • Short Term – Useful when we are unable to deal with the emotion at the time, such as in a meeting, or at a social function or other setting where it is inappropriate. Or

20. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • Long Term – Those techniques which we build into our daily lives to release tension.

21. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • Some examples of short term techniques are: • Taking deep breaths • Taking time out • Doodling • Stamping your feet • Snapping a pencil • Having a cup of tea

22. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • Some examples of long term techniques are: • Exercising • Talking • Listening • Meditating • Cuddling • Keeping a journal

23. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • It is always important to deal with our emotions in some way as they are recognized. Failure to respond in an appropriate manner can result in:

24. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • Poor Health • Stress • Withdrawal • Explosion • Diminished capacity to experience pleasure and happiness.

25. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • When a person suppresses (does not express) emotions properly it will eventually build to an explosive state. Explosion Suppression

26. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • Explosion is usually unproductive and often misdirected. Explosion Suppression

27. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • A small incident can often be a trigger for discharging suppressed feelings. Explosion Suppression

28. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • We may dump these feelings inappropriately, for example, on a shop assistant processing a sale more slowly than we would like. Explosion Suppression

29. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • Some of the reasons we may not be able to express emotions properly could be: • Cultural expectations • Family Background • Workplace and social decorum • Self image

30. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • There is an alternative to this scenario however: Expression Containment

31. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • In Suppressing our feelings we: Expression Containment

32. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • May feel tense, and stressful. • may avoid dealing with the conflict. • May be fearful of the emotion and try to sidestep it. Expression Containment

33. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • Containment on the other hand: • Is releasing some tension through acknowledging the feeling and putting it on hold temporarily. Expression Containment

34. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • Containment on the other hand: • Is breathing deeply Expression Containment

35. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • Containment on the other hand: • Leads to confidence to deal with conflict, less stress, empowerment and better health. Expression Containment

36. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • Containment on the other hand: • Is holding the emotion, feeling it and choosing not to make it public. Expression Containment

37. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • On the end result side, Exploding: • Feels like losing control. Explosion Suppression Containment Expression

38. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • On the end result side, Exploding: • May result in residual tension from guilt. Explosion Suppression Containment Expression

39. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • We can then view expression as: • A letting go, a release of stored tension. Explosion Suppression Containment Expression

40. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • We can then view expression as: • Leading to feelings of relief and completion. Explosion Suppression Containment Expression

41. Managing Emotions Expressing Our Emotions • We can then view expression as: • Finally, it is a component of the constructive resolution of conflict. Explosion Suppression Containment Expression

42. Managing Emotions Handling Difficult Emotions in Others • When confronted by a person with difficult emotions you should try: • Managing your own reaction, by not becoming inflamed, defensive, etc. • Making “I” statements • Focusing on the issue not the person.

43. Managing Emotions Handling Difficult Emotions in Others • When confronted by a person with difficult emotions you should try: • Asking open-ended, clarifying questions. • Negotiating a solution that takes account of both your needs and theirs. • Expressing support and reassurance.

44. Managing Emotions Conclusion • We experience emotions in our bodies and in our minds, so we need to deal with them in a variety of ways. • We need to accept our emotions, not deny or indulge them. We just need to know that they exist and to use them to build richer relationships.

45. Managing Emotions Conclusion • We need ways of safely releasing and appropriately expressing our emotions for our well being and the well being of our relationships.

46. Managing Emotions Conclusion • We need to practice ways of handling difficult emotions in others by: • Active listening • Giving support and reassurance • Redirecting statements that create or inflame conflict, towards positive possibilities in the situation.

47. Credit • We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution Network for their generous donation of materials used in the creation of this presentation. • Conflict Resolution Network PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148Email: crn@crnhq.orgWebsite: www.crnhq.org

48. Credit • This course was created by AMFA Local 11 to assist in the education of its Professional Standards Committee members. • Permission to use this material is granted to any AMFA Local. • This course was created using materials provided by The Conflict Resolution Network. Permission has been extended to use this material providing credit remains intact on all modules.