"As writers, we learn most of what we know just by watching the pros, don't we?" ~John R. Trimble

1. "As writers, we learn most of what we know just by watching the pros, don't we?" ~John R. Trimble

2. Mentor Sentences • Mentor Sentences: • What do you notice about the following sentences? • Using an image/sentence from your own writing, or something random, write your own sentence using the structure and concepts from the following.

3. Mentor Sentences • "The moon was a thin, bright machete cutting its way through patches of clouds" - In the Time of the Butterflies, by Julia Alvarez, p. 89. • "From above, Assef's screams went on and on, the cries of a wounded animal." - KhaledHosseini'sThe Kite Runner, p. 291 • "On occasion the war was like a Ping-Pong ball. You could put fancy spin on it, you could make it dance." - The Things They Carried p. 32

4. Tips to Create Metaphor/Simile • Isolate a Characteristic. Novelists often try to pick a single remarkable feature of a character to describe. Trying to give a complete image of an entire person would be incredibly difficult. • Vivid is Better. Which creates a stronger image in your mind, “She was cold”–or–“She felt as if the wind was biting at her with small, icy teeth.” When looking for metaphors, visual impact is more important than perfect accuracy. • Draw it Out. If finding a metaphor is difficult for you, pull up a piece of paper and start drawing concepts out. • The 10-Year Old Rule. Ask yourself if you could explain your metaphor to a ten-year old. Your goal with metaphors is to take an abstract or complex idea and anchor it down into something easy to understand.

5. Style Analysis: DICTION

6. Diction Review • The words diction and language are terms that you will use interchangeably when you analyze an author’s style. These words all refer to the author’s word choice.

7. Denotation vs. Connotation • Denotation dictionary definition • Connotation  suggested meaning • The words plump and obese both literally describe a person who is overweight. This is the dictionary definition of both words.

8. The word plump has the connotation of being pleasantly fat, almost cutely overweight. Its connotation describes women more often than men. It is this extra “emotional” feeling that shows how we use the word. • The word obese, often used by medical personnel, has a more technical connotation. It carries a less emotional, more scientific or clinical emotional tag.

9. Now you try • Generate a list of words you would use to describe a dwelling where a person may live. • Discuss, with your partner, the various emotional “tags” associated with each of the dwellings you listed. How are they subtly connotatively different from one another, even though they share the same connotative meaning?

10. What about this sentence? The boy surveyedthe class, congratulating himself for snatchingthe highest grade on the test.

11. What about this sentence? The boy surveyedthe class, congratulating himself for snatchingthe highest grade on the test. Two words are important here: surveyed and snatching. They are the words with the strongest connotations.

12. Writing commentary for your diction analysis • “surveyed” • “snatching” • conveys the idea of someone looking around as if he were a king gazing down on lesser beings • YOU TRY THE COMMENTARY

13. Group practice/model: “The Rattler” • Re-read “The Rattler” • Annotate the excerpt for words that have strong connotations, especially words that reflect the man’s attitude toward the snake and his task at hand

14. Diction paragraph: brainstorming • “arrested” • “live wire” • “little tocsin” • frozen in time, caught by a force stronger than the snake • adversary meets adversary, electric feeling, potential danger • an alarm, a warning bell on a ship

15. Mentor Sentence • "Just as we were reaching the car, we heard a commotion coming from the woods. Something was crashing through the brush – and breathing very heavily. It sounded like what you might hear in a slasher film. And it was coming our way. We froze, staring into the darkness. The sound grew louder and closer. Then in a flash the thing burst into the clearing and came charging in our direction, a yellow blur. A very big yellow blur. As it galloped past, not stopping, not even seeming to notice us, we could see it was a large Labrador retriever. But it was nothing like the sweet Lily we had just cuddled with inside. This one was soaking wet and covered up to its belly in mud and burrs. Its tongue hung out wildly to one side, and froth flew off its jowls as it barreled past." • Marley and Me p. 9, John Grogan

16. Style Analysis: DETAILS

17. Part III: DETAILS • Details are literal, concrete, or factual description (in other words, NOT figurative language); think “imagery” • Who, what, when, where • Remember  • Diction  connotative vocabulary • Details  literal description

18. Details are literal • Who? What? When? Where? Why? • Example: “turned a little to watch what I would do” This supplies CONCRETE detail to the reader; it helps us visualize the snake turning around as it sits on the desert sand

19. Group Practice: • Read “The Rattler” (again ) • With a different color pen or highlighter from what you used for the diction analysis, highlight any examples of details or imagery that strike you as significant

20. Sample Analysis for “The Rattler” Quotation • “turned a little to watch” • go “back to the ranch house, [get] a hoe, and [return]” Commentary • afraid or hesitant • casual reaction to trivial interruption • calm watching of a possible threat

21. Mentor Sentences: What’s the difference between the two sentences structurally? • “Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach yesterday when she was attacked by a walrus. Her body was dragged into the ocean and was later found by beachcombers.” • “Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach when a walrus attacked her. The walrus dragged her into the ocean and ate her, resulting in a massive case of indigestion. Local wildlife rehabbers managed to capture the walrus in time to save its life. Ted Wilson blamed Nancy for her irresponsible behavior.”

22. Mentor Sentences: What’s the difference between the two sentences structurally? • “Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach yesterday when shewas attacked by a walrus. Her body was dragged into the ocean and was later found by beachcombers.” • “Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach when a walrusattackedher. The walrus dragged her into the ocean and ate her, resulting in a massive case of indigestion. Local wildlife rehabbers managed to capture the walrus in time to save its life. Ted Wilson blamed Nancy for her irresponsible behavior.”

24. Mentor Sentences • “And the uncles, the aunts, the cousins, the nieces, the nephews, that lived in those walls, the gibbering pack of tree apes that said nothing, nothing, nothing and said it loud, loud, loud.” • Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, p. 44 • "I was too good for this war. Too smart, too compassionate, too everything." - Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried, p. 41

25. Anaphora • Origin: From the Greek ἀναφορά (anafora), meaning “to bring back” or “to carry back”. • In plain English: Repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive sentences or clauses.

26. Anaphora • Effect: • Key words or ideas are emphasized, often with great emotional pull. • Repetition makes the line memorable. • The speaker’s words have rhythm and cadence.

27. Anaphora Examples • “I came, I saw, I conquered.” — Julius Caesar, shortly after the Battle of Zela, 47 BC • “We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills …” — Winston Churchill, House of Commons, London, England, 4 June 1940

28. Anaphora Examples • “If Margret Thatcher wins, I warn you not to be ordinary, I warn you not to be young, I warn you not to fall ill, I warn you not to get old.” — Neil Kinnock, Bridgend, Wales, 7 June 1983 • “As you know, we’ve got the iPod, best music player in the world. We’ve got the iPod Nanos, brand new models, colors are back. We’ve got the amazing new iPod Shuffle.” — Steve Jobs, Macworld 2007 Keynote Address

29. Epistrophe • Origin: From the Greek ἐπιστροφή (epistrofi), meaning “turning about” or “upon turning”. • In plain English: Repetition of a word or phrase at the end of successive sentences or clauses.

30. Epistrophe • Effect: • The emphasis is on the last word(s) of a series of sentences or phrases, so it can be dramatic. • It is particularly effective when one wishes to emphasize a concept, idea or situation. • Repetition makes the lines memorable. • The speaker’s words have rhythm and cadence.

31. EpistropheExamples • “… that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.“ — Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address, 19 November 1863 • “There is no Negro problem. There is no Southern problem. There is no Northern problem.  There is only an American problem.” — Lyndon Johnson, Washington, D.C., 15 March 1965

32. Epistrophe Examples • “Our struggle has reached a decisive moment. We call on our people to seize this moment, so that the process towards democracy is rapid and uninterrupted. … I have fought against white domination and I have fought against black domination.” — Nelson Mandela, Cape Town, 11 February 1990 • “I left campus knowing little about the millions of young people cheated out ofeducational opportunities here in this country. And I knew nothing about the millions of people living in unspeakable poverty and disease in developing countries.” — Bill Gates, Harvard University address, 7 June 2007