Nurturing Interpersonal Connections: Key Communication Insights

1. 7 Communicating in Interpersonal Relationships

2. Communicating in Interpersonal Relationships • Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication • Intimacy, Interpersonal Relationships, and Communication • Interpersonal Attraction • Community and Relationship Development • Communicating Responsibly: Ongoing Intimacy and Appropriate Self-Disclosure

3. Communicating in Interpersonal Relationships • Relationships are created, expressed, altered, strengthened, weakened, postponed, reaffirmed, or terminated through communication

4. Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication “The easiest kind of relationship for me is with 10,000 people. The hardest is with one.”—Joan Baez, singer

5. Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication • Interpersonal communication occurs when individuals treat each other as unique and interact in an individual or customized way

6. Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication • Interpersonal Communication Is Personalized • The personalized nature of interpersonal communication reflects the responsiveness of the communicators to each other • Interpersonal Communication Occurs in a Relationship • Interpersonal messages are heavily influenced by the nature of the relationship between communicators

7. Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication • Interpersonal Communication Is Influenced by Culture and Gender • Recognizing both the gendered expectations that we place on others and the ways that individuals vary in their interaction styles can help us meet our communication goals and accommodate the needs of others

8. Basic Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication • Think It Over • Learning From Relationships • Can bad relationships also help us to become better people? • What can you learn from the breakup of a relationship? • How can a bad relationship hinder self-esteem?

9. Intimacy, Interpersonal Relationships, and Communication • The nature of the communication varies greatly in mood, formality, and purpose depending on the closeness or level of intimacy in the relationship • Intimate interpersonal relationships are characterized by high levels of trust, warmth, and affection • Social penetration theory states that we disclose and discuss more personal information as our relationships become more intimate

10. Intimacy, Interpersonal Relationships, and Communication • Depth of a relationship refers to the amount and type of interaction you have with another person; how far in-depth your communication is about particular topics • Breadth refers to the width of the relationship, or how many different contexts communications experience with each other; how many topics you communicate about

11. Interpersonal Attraction • Liking Those Who Are Similar • Interpersonal similarity occurs when we share common attitudes, values, habits, and communication styles with other members of a relationship • Similarity also validates our view of the world

12. Interpersonal Attraction • Liking Those Who Are Familiar • Social proximity refers to “social closeness”; we are often attracted to people who live near us, belong to the same groups or organizations, or attend the same school • At least two studies have verified that our relationships often emerge from those in close proximity

13. Interpersonal Attraction • Liking Those We Find Attractive • Attractiveness is the idealized appearance of physical attributes, what we visualize as the “perfect look” • Physical attraction occurs when we are attracted to someone’s appearance through such attributes as facial features, height, body type, and hair color • Sexual attraction occurs when we are attracted to another person for sexual reasons

14. Interpersonal Attraction • Liking Those We Find Attractive • As we get to know other people’s attitudes, beliefs, sense of humor, likes and dislikes, and other aspects of who they are, we often find them more attractive

15. Community and Relationship Development • Stages of relationship development are patterns or life cycles that relationships pass through as they develop or deteriorate

16. Community and Relationship Development • Coming Together (Escalation) • Initiating involves meeting another person and initiating communication • Experimenting stage is characterized by the exploration of mutual interests and circumstances • Much of the experimenting stage involves the discovery of integrating topics, areas of common interest which both parties enjoy discussing • Intensifying stage is represented by an increase in the breadth and depth of the relationship

17. Community and Relationship Development • Exploring Communication Concepts • Who Says, “I Love You” First? • Besides saying “I love you,” how can you tell if someone is committed to a relationship? • Have you used secret tests to determine your partner’s commitment in a relationship? Did they work? • Why might such indirect or secret tests be necessary?

18. Community and Relationship Development • Coming Together (Escalation) (cont.) • Integrating—as relationships develop, the people in them may begin to integrate numerous activities, coordinate daily schedules, and develop common interests, attitudes, and values • We also explicitly discuss the nature of our communication and engage in more metacommunication—communication about communication • Bonding and Ongoing Intimacy occurs as we make long-term commitments to the relationship

19. Community and Relationship Development “Kindness and intelligence don't always deliver us from the pitfalls and traps; there are always failures of love, of will, of imagination. There is no way to take the danger out of human relationships.”—Barbara Harrison, writer

20. Community and Relationship Development • Coming Apart (Descalation) • Differentiation • At a certain point in a relationship, we begin to take note of the differences that exist between our partner and ourselves • Circumscribing • If a relationship continues to deteriorate, we may begin to circumscribe it by reducing the breadth and depth of the relationship significantly

21. Community and Relationship Development • Coming Apart (Descalation) (cont.) • Stagnating • In this stage, interaction flattens out and stops growing in either direction • Avoiding • In the avoidance stage, the separation becomes physical as partners actively avoid any face-to-face contact • Terminating • In the terminating stage, we negotiate the end of the relationship

22. Community and Relationship Development • Unique Developmental Patterns • Every relationship develops in unique ways and follows different paths through the stages • Turning points are particular events, feeling, or interactions that change the direction or intensity of a relationship

23. Communicating Responsibly: Ongoing Intimacy and Appropriate Self-Disclosure • Self-disclosure is the act of revealing one’s personal thoughts, preferences, feelings, and experiences to another person within the context of an interpersonal relationship (Jourard 1964; Dindia and Fitzpatrick, 1997)

24. Communicating Responsibly: Ongoing Intimacy and Appropriate Self-Disclosure • The Advantages of Self-Disclosure • Builds trust • Friend’s acceptance of your disclosure without revealing the information to others further justifies your trust and increases the likelihood of additional disclosure • The Risks Inherent in Self-Disclosure • Any disclosure of personal information makes you more vulnerable and raises the possibility of hurt feelings or even rejection

25. Communicating Responsibly: Ongoing Intimacy and Appropriate Self-Disclosure • Self-Disclosure Activity • When is Self-Disclosure Appropriate? • Choose the Appropriate Context for Disclosure • Go slowly and Disclose Gradually as the Relationship Develops • Respond in Kind • Use Disclosure to Benefit the Relationship

26. Communicating Responsibly: Ongoing Intimacy and Appropriate Self-Disclosure Figure 7-3. Qualities of Responsible Self-Disclosure

27. Communicating Responsibly: Ongoing Intimacy and Appropriate Self-Disclosure “I think it is almost self-evident that you cannot love another person . . . Unless you know what (s)he needs. And you cannot know what (s)he needs unless (s)he tells you.”—Sidney M. Jourard, clinical psychologist

28. Summary • Interpersonal communication is interaction among a small number of people and is characterized by more personal and individual communication than takes place in lager groups • High levels of trust, warmth, and affection characterize an intimate relationship • Interpersonal similarity, proximity, and physical attributes all affect the degree to which we are attracted to someone

29. Summary • Through communication, we establish, maintain, and end relationships • Self-disclosure can build trust and commitment in a relationship and is necessary, in some degree, to maintain ongoing intimacy