Relationships

1. Relationships The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

2. Take a look at the Characteristics of Friendship Groups list. Circle the number if you feel it represents you and your friends. • Add up the even and odd numbers. • Who had more odd? • Who had more even? • Even numbers represent an open friendship group. What are some advantages to this type? Disadvantages? • Odd represent a closed friendship group. What are the advantages? Disadvantages?

3. On the next page you will find a list of things that you should expect in a relationship. Rank your choices of most important #1 to #3 • Place your top 3 choices on the board – place the check mark in the correct column – 1 in the top level, 2 middle, and 3 bottom. • Rank the class • What do you think the boys ranked as most important? • Actually over the years it has consistently been the same things as the girls. Boys want to feel good about themselves and comfortable with the other person too!! • Take the relationship quiz to see where you fit. If some of the questions don’t fit, just skip them. Think of a relationship that means a lot to you – a boyfriend or a close girlfriend. Respect Rank

4. Does anyone know people who were in a relationship where they broke up and just hate each other? This relationship broke down. • Anyone know people that still talk and are civil to each other? It is a fairly healthy relationship because their self esteem stays intact. • Following the steps to a healthy relationship will ensure that you have a healthy self esteem even if the relationship does not continue. • Think about your best friend. How long have you known them? • Compare Val and Trevor • How long does it take for a relationship to get to the top level? Step Ladder for a Healthy Relationship

5. Step Ladder for a Healthy Relationship Physical Attraction – window shopping • Following the steps of the ladder to a healthy relationship will ensure a healthy self esteem even if the relationship is unsuccessful. • Where does internet dating fall? • Where does sex fit into this ladder?

6. Commitment, Intimacy, and Passion • Different kinds of love contain different components • Romantic love = intimacy and passion • Friendship = intimacy • Infatuation = passion • Companion = commitment and intimacy • Empty love = commitment • Complete love = all three Three Components of Relationships

7. You have rights, but you also have responsibilities: Rights: • To ask for a date • To refuse a date • To suggest activities • To have your own feelings and be able to express them • To have my limits and have them respected • To be heard • To have friends and space aside from my partner • To refuse sex with anyone – even if they took me out on an expensive date. Dating Bill of Rights

8. To determine my limits and values • To respect/not violate the limits of others • To communicate clearly and honestly • To ask for help when I need it • To be considerate • To check my actions/decisions to determine if they are good for me or bad for me • To set high goals for myself in my dating relationships Be Clear Before Getting Close!! Reponsibilities

9. You make decisions together • You disagree and you know it is ok to talk about your differences • You really listen to each other’s viewpoints and feelings • You negotiate when you have conflict – finding a way to compromise so you both get what you need • You feel comfortable taking time alone if you need it and feel alright doing some things separately • There is no fear in your relationship • You don’t restrict or control each other Good Relationships are when:

10. Can you name at least 5 characteristics of this person you really admire and like? • Is this person glad that you have other friends? • Does this person ask for your opinion about things? • Does this person have a good relationship with his/her family and friends? • Does this person both talk and listen? • Do you “act like yourself” when you are with this person? • Does this person want to know every detail about where you have been and who you were with when you are not together? • Does this person lose their temper easily? • Is this person jealous of your friends and relatives? Questions to ask a dating partner

11. See if you can figure out the matching of the term to the definition How to Avoid Abuse Recognize: learn to identify abusive behaviour and their warning signs in many forms. These are high risk situations. Resist: If you are in an abusive situation resist in anyway that you can. Be Assertive!! Report: Inform someone of the incident as soon as you can. Set Sexual Limits: communicate with your partner before you are in a pressure situation – what are you comfortable with? See it: Cheat Sheet

12. What is Bullying? Bullying is: • Teasing • Name calling • Put downs • Insults • Rude, sarcastic remarks • Undermining • Racist comments • Sexist comments • Glaring, making faces, snickering • Exclusion, ignoring, freezing out • Writing mean notes • Inciting gossip • Threats • Intimidation • Punching, hitting, kicking • Pushing, shoving, tripping • Stealing • Extortion • Damaging property • Pranks • Gang activity • Weapons possession and use If BULLYING occurred to us as adults, we would call it: • VERBAL HARASSMENT • SEXUAL HARASSMENT • RACIAL HARASSMENT • DISCRIMINATION • MENTAL ABUSE • SOCIAL ISOLATION • SEGREGATION • THREATS • INTIMIDATION • SLANDER • PHYSICAL ABUSE • PHYSICAL ASSULT • ROBBERY • HATE LITERATURE • EXTORTION • VANDALISM • GANG ACTIVITY • WEAPONS POSSESSION • WEAPONS USE These can be CHARGEABLE OFFENCES!!

13. Harrassment Sexual Harassment makes the receiver feel: • Bad • Angry/sad • Demeaned • Ugly • Powerless It results in : negative self-esteem Perceived as: • One sided • Demeaning • Invading • Degrading It is : • Unwanted • Power-motivated • Illegal Flirting makes the receiver feel: • Good • Happy • Flattered • Pretty/attractive • In control Results in: • Positive self-esteem Is perceived as: • Open • Reciprocal It is: • Wanted • Equality motivated • legal

14. This involves committing an act of violence in a dating relationship. This includes acts or threats of sexual, physical, and emotional/psychological abuse. Females are far more likely than males to be the victims of serious occurrences of dating violence. • Date Rape: is the term used for rape that occurs in a dating relationship. It is against the law, whether you are on your first date, or have been dating for months or years • Acquaintance Rape: is rape which is committed by someone the survivor knows but isn’t dating such as a friend, neighbour, or co-worker. Under Canadian law, a person can be charged with sexual assault if he or she forces sexual activity upon another person – whether thatperson is a stranger, acquaintance, friend, date, or spouse. Dating Violence

15. 1 in 4 Canadian women will be sexually assaulted – half of these will be against females under the age of 16. • Every minute of every day a Canadian woman or child is sexually assaulted. • Approximately 80% of sexual assaults against women are committed by people known to them – dates, boyfriends, marital partners, family members, neighbours or co-workers. • Less than 10% of Canadian women who are sexually assaulted report this to the police. • In 2006 there were 24,925 sexual assaults reported to police. • It is estimated that only 1% of date rapes are reported to police. • Disabled females and Aboriginals are four times more likely to be abused. • 60 % Canadian college – age males reported that they would commit sexual assault if they were certain that they wouldn’t be caught. Canadian Dating Statistics

16. Watch – Teens in Danger – How Safe are you???? • Trust your instincts • Have a safety plan • Meet the other person in a public place for the first few dates • Tell someone where you are going and with whom • Give clear messages to your date • Be assertive. And leave any situation where you feel uncomfortable • Develop a plan ahead of time about how to get home. This includes having your own transportation ( or money for it), and bringing a cell phone with you • Know the exact address of your location during the date so that you have information to provide to someone who may be picking you up • Pay your own way on the date to avoid feelings of obligation to the other person. • Get to know the person before going out on a date • Avoid situations that might lead to date rape Tips for safer dating

17. How to help a friend who needs it ........ • Complete the safety plan in your booklet Date Rape Drugs: • Alcohol - Keep Control.ca – posters • Ketamine– Special K – conscious but cannot use muscles • Rhohipnal – sedative – not conscious • Ecstacy Create your own Safety Plan