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ANGER MANAGEMENT. THE PRESENTER. Dr Adelbert Scholtz Retired minister of religion (NG Kerk) Registered counselling psychologist in private practice Part-time lecturer in practical theology and pastoral care (UFS & UWC). ANGER MANAGEMENT. What does anger do to you? The mechanics of anger

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    2. THE PRESENTER Dr Adelbert Scholtz • Retired minister of religion (NG Kerk) • Registered counselling psychologist in private practice • Part-time lecturer in practical theology and pastoral care (UFS & UWC)

    3. ANGER MANAGEMENT • What does anger do to you? • The mechanics of anger • Managing excessive anger • Managing the anger of your loved ones


    5. ANGER DESCRIBED Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage


    7. A NATURAL AND DESIRABLE STATE • It is perfectly normal to become angry in certain situations • If you are wronged or when others are treated unfairly you may become angry • The problem is excessive anger without sufficient justification

    8. EXCESSIVE ANGER May jeopardise your – • Family relationships • Friendships • Occupational relationships • Self-respect • Physical health

    9. PHYSICAL REACTIONS • When you become angry your body produces stress hormones – adrenalin and cortisol • These hormones enable you to fight or flee when you are in danger • If you cannot fight or flee, these hormones accumulate and attack your body

    10. PHYSICAL HARM Chronic anger makes you more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol levels, a weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure

    11. PSYCHOLOGICAL REACTIONS • The emotional pathways in your brain work faster than the rational pathways • You react automatically, without thinking • You need this in emergencies • If you behave irrationally you may sometimes make stupid mistakes and you may later regret them

    12. YOUR MENTAL HEALTH • Chronic anger consumes huge amounts of mental energy and clouds your thinking, making it harder to concentrate, see the bigger picture, and enjoy life • It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental health problems

    13. BIBLICAL EXAMPLES OF JUSTIFIED ANGER • Jesus (Mark 3: 5 & Mark 11: 15) • Moses (Ex 32: 19) • Samson (Judg 14: 1 & 19) • Samuel (1 Sam 15: 16 – 31)

    14. BIBLICAL EXAMPLES OF EXCESSIVE ANGER • Cain (Gen 4: 4 & 6) • Potiphar (Gen 39: 1 & 19) • Balaam (Num 22: 27 & 28) • Saul (1 Sam 20: 30) • Jonah (Jon 4: 1 – 9) • Herod (Matt 2: 16)

    15. CONCLUSION • Anger in itself is in order and normal • Excessive and uncontrolled anger is destructive


    17. BETWEEN TRIGGER AND REACTION • Trigger (unpleasant situation or event)  • Evaluation of situation  • Emotional reaction – irritation, anger or rage  • Inhibitions  • Reaction (what you do or don’t do)

    18. BELIEFS INFLUENCING YOUR REACTION You have beliefs regarding – • Yourself • Other people • How emotions may be expressed • Acceptable behaviour

    19. COMMON THINKING MISTAKES INFLUENCING YOUR REACTION • Generalisations • Mind-reading • Emotion-laden language • Selective perceptions • Jumping to conclusions • Excessive pessimism • Perfectionism • Excessive feelings of guilt

    20. YOUR MOOD INFLUENCES YOUR REACTION Your mood is dependent upon your – • State of Health • Nutrition • Amount of exercise • Drug & alcohol usage • Daily rhythm • Sleeping pattern • Social environment

    21. WHAT MAKES YOU ANGRY? • A low tolerance for frustration • Some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered • Another reason may be socio-cultural. We're taught that it's OK to express anxiety, depression, &tc but not to express anger; so we don't learn how to handle it constructively • People who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications

    22. YOUR BACKGROUND • If you grew up in a violent and aggressive home you will most probably follow this example • If you were abused as a child you may become an abusive adult

    23. MYTHS • Myth: I shouldn’t “hold in” my anger (it can only worsen the situation) • Myth: Anger, aggression, and intimidation help me earn respect and get what I want (people might be afraid of you but they won’t respect you) • Myth: Anger isn’t something you can control (nonsense!)


    25. MANAGING YOUR ANGER • It takes hard work and effort • It cannot be achieved overnight • The results are certainly worthwhile because you can gain a lot in improved relationships and improved health


    27. BIBLICAL GUIDELINES • “A quick-tempered man does foolish things….” (Prov 14: 17) • “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Eph 4: 26) • “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph 4: 31)

    28. TIP NO 1 Keep a diary in which you write down – • The trigger • Your evaluation of the trigger • Your feelings • Your inhibitions • Your reaction

    29. TIP NO 1 (cont’d) • Automatic negative thoughts regarding yourself (ANT’s) • Test the ANT’s and replace with more realistic self-evaluation • Thinking mistakes • A more useful reaction? • What did I learn about myself?

    30. TIP NO 2 • Be more aware of your anger warning signs and triggers • Pay attention to the way anger feels in your body • Knots in your stomach • Clenching your hands or jaw • Feeling clammy or flushed • Breathing faster • Headaches • Pacing or needing to walk around • “Seeing red” • Having trouble concentrating • Pounding heart • Tensing your shoulders

    31. TIP NO 3 • Avoid people, places, and situations that bring out your worst • Take control of your environment and avoid unnecessary aggravation • Look at your regular routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable or angry feelings

    32. TIP NO 4 Learn ways to cool down: • Focus on the physical sensations of anger • Take some deep breaths • Exercise • Stretch or massage areas of tension

    33. TIP NO 5 Find healthier ways to express your anger: • Pinpoint what you’re really angry about • Remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes • Always fight fair • Focus on the present • Be willing to forgive

    34. TIP NO 6 • Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way • Learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others • Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others

    35. TIP NO 7 Use humour: • See the funny side of an unpleasant situation • Learn to laugh at yourself • Don't use sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse

    36. TIP NO 8 Forgiveness is a powerful tool • If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice • If you can forgive, you might both learn from the situation; it's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times

    37. TIP NO 9 Consider professional help if: • You feel constantly frustrated and angry no matter what you try • Your temper causes problems at work or in your relationships • You avoid new events and people because you feel like you can’t control your temper • You have gotten in trouble with the law due to your anger • Your anger has ever led to physical violence


    39. ANGER IN YOUR LOVED ONE • If your loved one has an anger problem, you probably feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time • But always remember that you are not to blame for your loved one’s anger

    40. DEALING WITH A LOVED ONE’S ANGER Tips: • You can control how you respond • Set clear boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate • Wait for a time when you are both calm to talk to your loved one about the anger problem

    41. DEALING WITH A LOVED ONE’S ANGER • Remove yourself from the situation if your loved one does not calm down • Consider counseling or therapy for yourself if you are having a hard time standing up for yourself • Put your safety first; if you feel unsafe in any way, get away from your loved one and go somewhere safe

    42. ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS • Anger isn’t the real problem in abusive relationships • Domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior and temper • Abusive behavior is a deliberate choice for the sole purpose of controlling you • Couples’ counselling is not recommended • Your partner needs specialized treatment, not regular anger management classes

    43. SUMMARY: ANGER MANAGEMENT • What does anger do to you? • The mechanics of anger • Managing excessive anger • Managing the anger of your loved ones