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Marcus R. Earle, Ph.D., LMFT, CSAT Brenda Garrett, RN, LPC, CSAT

Intimacy, Grace and the Healing of Our Shame. Marcus R. Earle, Ph.D., LMFT, CSAT Brenda Garrett, RN, LPC, CSAT. GOALS AND OBJECTIVES Candidates of Shame Based Relationships Victim-Victimizer Model Self-Assessments and Getting Real Stages of Grief Learning a New Love Language

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Marcus R. Earle, Ph.D., LMFT, CSAT Brenda Garrett, RN, LPC, CSAT

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  1. Intimacy, Grace and the Healing of Our Shame Marcus R. Earle, Ph.D., LMFT, CSAT Brenda Garrett, RN, LPC, CSAT

  2. GOALS AND OBJECTIVES • Candidates of Shame Based Relationships • Victim-Victimizer Model • Self-Assessments and Getting Real • Stages of Grief • Learning a New Love Language • Spirituality, Grace and Forgiveness

  3. THE CHARACTER INVENTORY Strengths Struggles

  4. THE CHARACTER INVENTORY Strengths Struggles Honestly self-evaluate your positive Honestly assess the shortcomings, Features, traits, talents, gifts etc… inadequacies, imperfections, etc… you bring to the relationship table. you bring to the relationship table. with Humility with Humility and and Not Ego Not Ego Not Grandiosity or Pride Not from Defensiveness Not Boastful Not with Blame/Projection Nor the barrel full of atta boys we Not from Shaming codependently rely on from others ourselves unmercifully

  5. There is a Victim or an abused child in each of us. and There is a Victimizer or an abuser in each of us. and with A recovery process there can be a Victor in each of us.

  6. TRAUMA EGG Positive External Positive Internal Influences Influences Chronic Life Events

  7. Reality of Self-Esteem Morals Values Thoughts Feelings/Emotions Core Beliefs Spirituality, Divinity or Sense of Nature

  8. Functions of the Recovering Change Agent Surrender and Willingness Self-assess to Self-govern with Self-respect and Self-esteem This requires Borders and Boundaries.

  9. Functions of Boundaries • To Define us. • To Protect us. • To Contain us.

  10. The Healing Journey The Five Stages of Grief and Loss • Denial • Bargaining • Anger • Depression • Acceptance

  11. The Emotional Love Language A Constructed Process/Format Positive feelings… Negative feelings… Joy, love, happiness, peace, Anger, sadness, disappointment, grace and gratitude, etc… hurt, fears, anxieties, etc….

  12. Couple’s Communication Course • Fight Fair Contract • Apology and Forgiveness Letters • Emotion Focused Journaling • Gratitude List • Affirmations PCS Tool Box

  13. Virtues and Spirituality Equity and fairness for one another Regard for one another Honesty and honor for one another Respect Fortitude Reverence Perseverance Loyalty Hope Generosity Humility Peace Charity Kindness Grace Patience Gratitude Justice Faithfulness Consideration, gentleness and cooperation with one another

  14. Freedom is the capstone of the truth. Our time is short here and there is much to do. Therefore, we must cultivate a passion for the truth. We must seek it, demand it, and tell it. And once we have broken through the levels of propriety and protocol that collude to pretend that what isn’t true is necessary, we are forever free. No one can enslave us again. Self-esteem is the blessing that comes with honesty. With self-esteem we cannot lose, no matter what we lose. Longfellow’s lines hold immortal value: “Those that respect themselves are safe from others; they wear a coat of mail that none can pierce. When we have done what must be done, what we were put here to do at this time, in this age, at this place, them we can live with heads up and hearts unbroken, whatever our losses. Then no one can best us, even when we fail the fray. Then we will never die before we have lived.” Anonymous

  15. Bibiography 1. Bradshaw, John. Creating Love: The Next Great Stage of Growth. New York, New York: Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc., 1992. 2. Bradshaw, John. Healing the Same That Binds You. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, 1988. 3. Catlett, Joyce and Firestone, Robert W. Fear of Intimacy. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2002. 4. Cherry, Frank and James, John W. The Grief Recovery Handbook: A Step-by-Step Program for Moving Beyond Loss. New York, New York: Harper and Row Publishers, Inc., 1989. 5. E. Stephanie. Shame Faced. Center City, Minnesota: Hazelden, 1986. 6. Middleton-Moz, Jane. Shame and Guilt: Master of Disguise. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications,Inc., 1990. 7. Newbold, Charles E. and O’Neal, Mike S. Boundary Power: How I Treat You, How I Let You Treat Me and How I Treat Myself. Nashville, Tennessee: Sonlight Publishing, Inc., 1994. 8. Potter-Efron, Ronald and Potter-Efron, Patricia. Letting Go of Shame: Understanding How Shame Affects Your Life. Center City, Minnesota: Hazelden, 1989. 9. Smedes, Lewis B. Shame and Grace: Healing the Shame We Don’t Deserve. New York, New York: Harper Collins Publishers, 1993. 10. Tangney, June Price and Dearing, Rhonda L. Shame and Guilt. New York, New York: The Guilford Press, 2002. 11. Tobin, Eamon Reverend. How to Forgive Yourself and Others: Steps to Reconciliation. Ligouri, Missouri: Ligouri Publications, 1983. 12. The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Workbooks of Co-Dependents Anonymous. Dallas, Texas: Core Publications, 2007.

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