steve hayes russ harris act world con 2011 n.
Download
Skip this Video
Loading SlideShow in 5 Seconds..
Steve Hayes & Russ Harris ACT World Con, 2011 PowerPoint Presentation
Download Presentation
Steve Hayes & Russ Harris ACT World Con, 2011

Loading in 2 Seconds...

play fullscreen
1 / 76

Steve Hayes & Russ Harris ACT World Con, 2011 - PowerPoint PPT Presentation


  • 139 Views
  • Uploaded on

Caring, Connection & Contribution: An ACT Approach to Friendship & Community. Steve Hayes & Russ Harris ACT World Con, 2011. First: a bit of fun. The ACT Practitioner’s Journey. Stage 1: Shock. Wow! That was amazing!. What the hell was that?. How do you do that?. Do you have to cry?.

loader
I am the owner, or an agent authorized to act on behalf of the owner, of the copyrighted work described.
capcha
Download Presentation

PowerPoint Slideshow about 'Steve Hayes & Russ Harris ACT World Con, 2011' - bridie


An Image/Link below is provided (as is) to download presentation

Download Policy: Content on the Website is provided to you AS IS for your information and personal use and may not be sold / licensed / shared on other websites without getting consent from its author.While downloading, if for some reason you are not able to download a presentation, the publisher may have deleted the file from their server.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - E N D - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Presentation Transcript
steve hayes russ harris act world con 2011

Caring, Connection & Contribution:

An ACT Approach to Friendship & Community

Steve Hayes & Russ Harris

ACT World Con, 2011

the act practitioner s journey
The ACT Practitioner’s Journey

Stage 1: Shock

Wow! That was amazing!

What the hell was that?

How do you do that?

Do you have to cry?

the act practitioner s journey1
The ACT Practitioner’s Journey

Stage 2: Denial

Metaphor Abuse

Dr Phil impersonations

I don’t think you’re really committed – maybe you should consider medication!

the act practitioner s journey2
The ACT Practitioner’s Journey

Stage 3: Bargaining

If only I could be like Kelly Wilson…

Read more books

Attend more workshops

Pray that this time it works

the act practitioner s journey3
The ACT Practitioner’s Journey

Stage 4: Depression

I can’t do it!

I’ll never be as good as Kelly Wilson!

I’m a fraud

I don’t give a shit about the data - it doesn’t work for any of my f#@%ing clients!

the act practitioner s journey4

I’m in the same boat as my clients!

The ACT Practitioner’s Journey

And I can even disclose it to them!

Stage 5: Acceptance

In fact I can even charge them money for listening to me talk about my own issues!

Fused! Avoidant! Stuck!

the act practitioner s journey5
The ACT Practitioner’s Journey

Stage 6: Commitment

Realise you haven’t finished

reading any of them!

Join the cult!

Buy an ACT textbook

So you look for one that’s a bit simpler

Buy another ACT textbook

Buy yet another ACT textbook

Buy 3 more ACT textbooks

slide10

MadeEven Simpler

By Steven C. Hayes, PH.D.

slide11

MadeEazee-Peazee

Japaneezee

By Kelly G. Wilson,

HI.PPY.

the act practitioner s journey6
The ACT Practitioner’s Journey

Stage 7: Evangelism

Tell everyone you know how ACT is

the best thing since sliced bread.

Especially your CBT colleagues!

Make your partner read an ACT book.

the act practitioner s journey7
The ACT Practitioner’s Journey

Stage 8: Obsession

See ACT everywhere

the act practitioner s journey8
The ACT Practitioner’s Journey

Stage 9: Isolation & Withdrawal

People stop inviting you to dinner.

Friends and family stop talking to you.

Your partner sarcastically refers to you as ‘the guru’ .

the act practitioner s journey9
The ACT Practitioner’s Journey

Stage 10: Salvation

Then you discover the worldwide ACT list-serve.

A bunch of ACT-obsessed geeks who are just as f--cked up as you.

In some cases, even more so. (e.g. Kelly)

the act practitioner s journey10
The ACT Practitioner’s Journey

Stage 11: A Rude Awakening

There’s an email from Steve Hayes.

And you can’t understand a word of it.

Oh no! It’s RFT!!!

the act practitioner s journey11
The ACT Practitioner’s Journey

Stage 12: Shock, Depression & Denial

What the f#@% was that?!!

I’m so stupid!!

F#@% this RFT stuff

– I’m sticking to ACT

now getting back on track
Now getting back on track …

‘Community’

Latin: Cum = with, Munus = gift

‘Friend’

Old English: ‘Freond’; from ‘Freogan’ = to love, to favour

act love
ACT = LOVE

L = Letting go

O = Opening Up

V = Valuing

E = Engagement

two communities
Two Communities

Outer: the world around us

Inner: the world inside us

icebreaking exercise pt 1
Icebreaking Exercise: pt 1
  • First, get into pairs
  • Introductions: Who are you? What do you do? Why are you here? What do you most deeply care about with regard to others? What is the biggest barrier to being with others?
  • 3 minutes max, per person
  • When the chime goes, pause; be silent; follow the instructions
icebreaking exercise pt 2
Icebreaking Exercise: pt 2
  • Now into groups of 4 – i.e.2 pairs each group
  • Each member of the pair introduces the other (without interruption) for 1 minute MAX – specify what they care about, and their barrier
  • When the chime goes, pause; be silent; follow the instructions
give and take
‘Give And Take’

What do we want to get from others, and what do we want to give?

Vividly recall 2 memories:

a) A moment of great loneliness/yearning

b) A moment of great friendship

Discuss: what does this reveal about what you want to get, and what you want to give

give and take1
‘Give And Take’

Based on the previous exercise, write down some key values, for friendship/community: how do you want to behave & what do you want to stand for in your relationships?

mindfulness relationships
Mindfulness & Relationships

Mindfulness of the hand

How did your relationship change with your hand?

What is the relevance of this exercise to your closest relationships?

the three cs
The Three Cs

Caring

Connection

Contribution

the dark side of caring
The Dark Side of Caring
  • How do we get hurt?
  • How do we respond?
  • Why is it so hard to be with others who are hurting?
smiling meditation
Smiling Meditation

Adapted from ‘Radical Acceptance’ by Tara Brach

stories that isolate separate
Stories that isolate/separate
  • What stories isolate/separate you?
  • the role you’ve been conditioned to play?
  • the role you think you’re supposed to play?
  • the role you play to hide away?
  • the role you play to gain approval?
barriers to intimacy
Barriers to intimacy

Fear: of rejection, hurt, betrayal, entrapment, obligation, abandonment etc.

Avoidance of ‘vulnerability’

Fusion with conceptualised self

The 2 cardinal sins (according to Steve Hayes):

‘looking good’ and ‘being right’

Others?

evolutionary aspects
Evolutionary Aspects

Social needs vs social risks

Vulnerability: the price of admission to intimacy

Are you willing to pay?

In pairs: what are you willing to make room for, in the service of intimacy?

willing vulnerability pt 1
Willing Vulnerability: pt 1

Accept a compliment?

Speak highly of yourself?

Share in pairs: your 5 best attributes/greatest qualities

In the listening role, what qualities do you want to embody, knowing the speaker is vulnerable?

When the chime goes, pause and follow instructions

willing vulnerability pt 2
Willing Vulnerability: pt 2

Share in pairs something you’re embarrassed or ashamed of – something that contradicts the qualities/attributes you identified in part 1

In the listening role, what qualities do you want to embody, knowing the speaker is vulnerable?

When the chime goes, pause and follow instructions

getting practical
Getting Practical
  • How can ACT help clients with ‘intimacy issues’? What are some practical interventions?
self compassion
Self-compassion
  • From Kristin Neff
  • 1.Mindfulness
  • 2.Kindness
  • 3.Common Humanity
attachment theory
Attachment Theory
  • Taken from: A Behavioural Perspective on Adult Attachment style, Intimacy, and Relationship Health – by Abigail Mansfield & James Cordova
  • John Bowlby-Attachment and Loss - 1969
  • Attachment relationships have survival value because they keep infants close to caregivers who can provide protection
b ids for nurturing
Bids For Nurturing
  • Closeness, companionship, comfort, protection, caretaking, reassurance. and sustenance
  • Caregiver - 3 possible responses to a bid:
  • Reinforcement, punishment, ignoring
  • Ratios of these responses lead to different attachment repertoires
attachment repertoires
Attachment Repertoires
  • High reinforcement, Low ignoring, Low punishment
  • ‘Secure’
  • Generally positive, healthy, intimate relationships
attachment repertoires1
Attachment Repertoires
  • High reinforcement, High ignoring, Low punishment
  • ‘Preoccupied’
  • Yearn for attention
  • Predisposed to be clingy, fearful, jealous
  • Potentially dysfunctional and depressogenic
attachment repertoires2
Attachment Repertoires
  • High reinforcement, Low ignoring, High punishment
  • ‘Anxious-Ambivalent’
  • Fear, anger, desire to run away from potential nurturers; vigilant monitoring of partner
  • Often most at ease when alone
attachment repertoires3
Attachment Repertoires
  • Various other patterns: eg ‘Fearful-Avoidant’ & ‘Avoidant-dismissive’
self compassion attachment
Self-compassion & Attachment
  • Self-compassion: positive reinforcement

of your own bids for nurturing

(As opposed to ignoring or punishing them)

  • You form a secure attachment with yourself and the ‘community within’
  • Provides a foundation for secure attachment to the community outside
  • Intimacy with myself  intimacy with others
intimacy acceptance
Intimacy & Acceptance
  • What is ‘intimacy’?
  • What is the ultimate form of interpersonal acceptance?
  • Compassion
  • The ultimate form of intrapersonal acceptance?
  • Self-compassion
  • How does this differ from self-esteem?
the self esteem trap
The Self-Esteem Trap

The Power of Self-Esteem

true or false
True or False?
  • Increasing your self-esteem will improve your performance
  • People with high self-esteem are more likable, have better relationships, and make better impressions
  • People with high self-esteem make better leaders
all false
ALL FALSE!

Ref: The American Psychological Society Task Force on Self-esteem

Baumeister, Campbell, Krueger, Vohs

Psychological Science in The Public Interest – Vol 4, 1st May, 2003

true or false1
True or False?
  • High self-esteem correlates with egotism, narcissism, and arrogance
  • High self-esteem correlates with prejudice & discrimination
  • High self-esteem correlates with self-deception, and defensiveness when faced with honest feedback
all true
ALL TRUE!

Ref: The American Psychological Society Task Force on Self-esteem

Baumeister, Campbell, Krueger, Vohs

Psychological Science in The Public Interest – Vol 4, 1st May, 2003

the alternative to self esteem
The Alternative to Self-Esteem?

Why?

Self-Acceptance &

Self-Compassion

slide54

“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot ... and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. That is why I succeed.”-- Michael Jordan

conceptualised self
Conceptualised Self
  • All too often, ‘High Self-Esteem’ = Fusion with conceptualised self
  • I have to be confident / successful etc…
  • I can’t let people know that I am really …?
negative feedback
Negative Feedback
  • Why is high self-esteem correlated with:
  • A) defensiveness to negative feedback?
  • B) discrimination and intolerance?
  • Function of blaming/judging/criticising others?
slide59
Demo
  • Moving from self-esteem to self-acceptance
self compassion1
Self-compassion
  • From Kristin Neff
  • 1.Mindfulness
  • 2.Kindness
  • 3.Common Humanity
handling negative feedback
Handling Negative Feedback
  • What feedback do you least like to hear from your loved ones?
  • What is the most hurtful thing they could say to you?
  • Why is this so hurtful?
  • How does this relate to your conceptualised self?

.

handling negative feedback1
Handling Negative Feedback
  • If this feedback were true, what would it mean about you?
  • Can you find a grain of truth in it?
  • Do you have to turn away or hide from or struggle with that truth?
handling negative feedback2
Handling Negative Feedback
  • What do you do that is unhelpful when you encounter criticism, disapproval or rejection?
  • What matters enough that you would be willing to stay present and open in the face of it?
handling negative feedback3
Handling Negative Feedback
  • In pairs. Number 1s: tell number 2s the feedback/criticism you fear/resist most
  • Number 2s: write it down, then say it out aloud to number 1s: “You are ….”
  • Number 1s: make room for what arises; stay connected and open.
  • Then swap roles
world spirituality
World Spirituality
  • Contemplative traditions
  • Interconnectedness
  • Caring, Connection & Contribution
  • Fake self & authentic self
  • Separation from thinking/language
practical applications
Practical applications?
  • Values around community/ friendship
  • Friendship spot/loneliness spot
  • Costs of avoidance
  • Vulnerability - price of admission to intimacy
  • Acceptance of fear/anxiety about rejection etc
  • Self-compassion
practical applications1
Practical applications?
  • Defusionfrom isolating stories
  • Defusionfrom conceptualised self
  • Defusionfrom judgment of self/others
  • Defusion and acceptance of negative feedback
  • Others?
what have you taken
What have you taken?
  • In pairs: what have you taken from this workshop?
  • Personal work – committed action for friendship & community building: make one commitment
parting words
Parting Words

“For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.”

- Rainer Maria Rilke

attachment repertoires4
Attachment Repertoires
  • Low reinforcement, Moderate ignoring, High punishment
  • ‘Fearful-Avoidant’
  • Avoid close others to avoid threat they pose
  • Difficulty forming relationships; relationships often very brief
attachment repertoires5
Attachment Repertoires
  • Low reinforcement, High ignoring, Low punishment
  • ‘Avoidant-dismissive’
  • Virtual absence of nurture-seeking because they learned that it gets ignored
  • Often lonely, and not in relationships