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CONFLICT RESOLUTION. Paris Boehm, Associate Whittle Consulting Group, LLC. H. ousekeeping. Materials Slides Breaks Evaluation. 2. ?. What do you see as a major source of workplace conflict?. Who’s here. Today’s objectives:. Review types & sources of workplace conflict. Apply

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slide1
CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Paris Boehm, Associate

Whittle Consulting Group, LLC

slide2

H

ousekeeping

  • Materials
  • Slides
  • Breaks
  • Evaluation

2

slide3

?

What do you see as a major source

of workplace conflict?

Who’s here

slide4

Today’s objectives:

Review types

& sources

of workplace

conflict

Apply

conflict

resolution

models &

approaches

through practice

Examine

different ways

to address

& resolve

conflict

Conflict Resolution

slide5

At the end

of the day…

To better

know & understand

yourself and others

in order to improve your

your skills in managing

& resolving conflict

slide6

T

ruths

  • There is no silver bullet
  • One size does not fit all
  • Managing your behaviors and reactions…both a skill and an art
  • Practice makes perfect
you must agree
You must agree…
  • You can not control others
  • You can control yourself
  • You accept responsibility for your actions, reactions, decisions, and emotions
  • You share responsibility for the success

of your team

slide8
Power?

Authority?

slide10

When

you

think

you are

powerful,

you are.

When

others

think

you are

powerful,

you are.

slide11

POWERFUL

8. Lead & Make It Happen

7. Find Solutions

6. “Own It”

5. Acknowledge Reality

4. Wait & Hope

3. “I can’t” - Excuses

2. Blame Others

1. Unaware / Unconscious

powerless

slide12

?

Do you take risks

slide13

If you do or if you don’t…

either way, it’s risky business

What’s the risk of acting?

  • What do you risk if you address the conflict?

What’s the risk of NOT acting?

  • What do you risk if you DON’T address the conflict?
slide15

Aim

Fire

Fire

Aim

Ready

Ready

slide16

When

conflict

gets out of hand…

slide17
Speak when you are angry…

and you will make

the best speech

you will

ever regret.

Ambrose Bierce

slide18

Scenario:

  • The end of your rope

HO

slide19

Models

&

Tools

slide20

YES

Desired

State

Current

State

No

slide21

YES

Desired

State

Desired

State

Current

State

No

slide22

ORGANIZATIONAL CULTURE

(High)

GROUP BEHAVIOR

INDIVIDUAL BEHAVIORS

Difficulty

INDIVIDUAL ATTITUDES

KNOWLEDGE

(Low)

Time involved

(Short)

(Long)

slide23

Activity:

  • WORKSHEET:

Your greatest challenge

HO

benefits of managing conflict
Benefitsof managing conflict
  • Better motivated staff
  • Staff energies directed toward work, not emotions
  • More positive image of organization, team
  • Improved teamwork
  • Better personal development of individuals

2

benefits of managing conflict25
Benefitsof managing conflict
  • More, better ideas
  • Increased creativity & innovation
  • Increased self-respect
  • Increased synergy

2

drawbacks of ignoring conflict
Drawbacksof ignoring conflict
  • Lower morale
  • Climate of mistrust, suspicion, hostility created
  • Escalation & spread of conflict to others
  • Dissipation of staff energy
  • Misdirection of staff energy
  • Reduced productivity
  • Misperception that inaction is the easiest option—the problem will ultimately be harder to solve

2

slide27

5

ways

to deal with

conflict

Collaboration

Compromise

Avoidance

Competition

Accommodation

2

slide28

Avoidance

  • Withdraw
  • Deny

2

slide29

Accommodation

2

  • Minimizes,
  • suppresses
  • differences
  • Maintains surface harmony
  • Can result in feelings of
  • powerlessness, frustration
slide30

Competition

  • Focuses on defeating
  • other side

2

slide31

Compromise

  • Each party
  • gives up something
  • Trade-offs
  • Multiple options, solutions
  • Use to build consensus

2

slide32

Collaboration

  • Experience,
  • expertise, perceptions of both
  • parties recognized & valued
  • Alternatives discussed openly
  • Decisions made in broader
  • context: What’s best for
  • team, department, company

2

conflict management process
Conflict Management Process

1.

Recognize that a conflict exists

2.

Monitor the climate

3.

Examine, summarize the situation

4.

Plan your approach

5.

Address the issue

6.

Involve & engage the stakeholders

7.

Identify a forward path

8.

Appraise, don’t dwell

3

conflict management process34

1.

Recognize that a conflict exists

Conflict Management process
  • Overt vs. covert
  • Visible vs. hidden
  • Obvious vs. subtle

3

slide35

Trip

my

TRIGGER

3

conflict management process37

2.

Monitor the climate

Conflict management process
  • Keep eyes open
  • Don’t ignore
  • Early warning system

3

to monitor conflict
To monitor conflict…
  • Know yourself
  • Know others
  • Adapt and Connect
  • Do unto others as THEY would be done unto
slide39

S

W

tyles

orking

5

slide40

structured

detailed

realistic

challenging

bold

big

fantastic

passionate

beyond your

wildest dreams

safe

thoughtful

value-based

demonstrated behaviors

questioning

deliberate

cautious

precise

formal

strong-willed

competitive

demanding

determined

purposeful

Demonstrated Behaviors

caring

patient

sharing

relaxed

encouraging

sociable

dynamic

persuasive

enthusiastic

demonstrative

slide42

Let’s do it RIGHT

Let’s do itNOW

Let’s do it in a CARING way

Let’s do itTOGETHER

slide43

questioning

deliberate

precise

formal

caring

patient

sharing

encouraging

dynamic

sociable

persuasive

enthusiastic

strong-willed

competitive

demanding

determined

Who are

YOU?

slide44

questioning

deliberate

precise

formal

caring

patient

sharing

encouraging

dynamic

sociable

persuasive

enthusiastic

strong-willed

competitive

demanding

determined

Who is

HE/SHE?

slide45

Gifts

  • Sets clear targets for themselves
  • Is honest and direct with the team
  • Presents ideas and facts with absolute certainty
  • Provides a fast response to the team’s needs
  • Brings energy and momentum to the project
slide46

Challenges

  • May be in a hurry to present a solution without always listening thoroughly to the business needs
  • May appear intimidating
  • May sometimes move on to the next big opportunity before finalizing the details of the last one
  • May be so single-minded that they fail to anticipate problems or explore alternative approaches
slide47

Gifts

  • Brings great energy and enthusiasm to the role
  • Socializes well with the team and makes meetings positive and upbeat
  • Takes a creative approach to solving problems
  • Believes that anything is possible and talks in a compelling way about future possibilities
  • Brings optimism to the team, inspiring others to embrace new ideas and concepts
slide48

Challenges

  • May make promises they cannot keep
  • May lose track of time, show up late, or run over
  • May forget the finer details by focusing too much on the ‘big picture’
  • May lose interest in the project and fail to follow through completely
slide49

Gifts

  • Excels at maintaining long-term relationships with team members
  • Listens well and takes time to establish needs
  • Takes a collaborative, partnership approach to implementation
  • Brings a voice of reason to the team, ensuring new ideas are really in the best interest of the business
slide50

Challenges

  • May be seen as hesitant and lack a sense of certainty in proposing solutions
  • May avoid confrontation or delivering a difficult message by sometimes taking the path of least resistance
  • May appear to lack passion and/or excitement about their area of responsibility
  • May be seen as slow to respond
slide51

Gifts

  • Asks excellent fact-finding questions
  • Allows the team time to reflect and consider options
  • Demonstrates care by attention to detail
  • Provides accurate and timely data to support the project
  • Plays a questioning role within the team, ensuring decisions made will have a viable benefit to the business
slide52

Challenges

  • May appear cold, dispassionate and severe
  • May present so much information that the team loses interest
  • May ask too many questions and take too long to suggest a solution
  • May show discomfort with an unstructured meeting
  • May become irritated with team mates who appear disorganized and unplanned
slide61

questioning

deliberate

precise

formal

caring

patient

sharing

encouraging

dynamic

sociable

persuasive

enthusiastic

strong-willed

competitive

demanding

determined

Who are

YOU?

slide62

questioning

deliberate

precise

formal

caring

patient

sharing

encouraging

dynamic

sociable

persuasive

enthusiastic

strong-willed

competitive

demanding

determined

Who is

HE/SHE?

conflict management process64

3.

Examine, summarize the situation

Conflict management process
  • WHAT is the actual issue?
  • WHAT is the root cause?
  • WHAT are potential and actual impacts?
  • Avoid snap judgments.
  • Be empathetic

3

demonstrated behaviors66

questioning

deliberate

cautious

precise

formal

strong-willed

competitive

demanding

determined

purposeful

Demonstrated Behaviors

caring

patient

sharing

relaxed

encouraging

sociable

dynamic

persuasive

enthusiastic

demonstrative

on a bad day

suspicious

indecisive

reserved

stuffy

cold

overbearing

aggressive

controlling

intolerant

driving

…on a bad day

bland

docile

reliant

stubborn

plodding

hasty

frantic

excitable

indiscreet

flamboyant

slide68

Stress Cause

poor quality, time wasted, lack of structure

First Response

impatient

aggressive

irritable

demanding

  • Flipped Out
  • withdrawn
  • helpless
  • offended
  • misunderstood

time out, fast action, place in control

Stress Remedy

slide69

Stress Cause

rejection, restricted flexibility, no fun

First Response

hasty

scream

indiscretion

throw things

  • Flipped Out
  • ice cold
  • mission to kill
  • no emotion
  • detached

save face, outside the box, distraction

Stress Remedy

slide70

Stress Cause

value violation, interruptions, unfair treatment

First Response

self doubt

hurt feelings

rumination

stubborn

  • Flipped Out
  • very critical
  • vicious
  • destructive
  • nasty

sincerity, personal contact, trust restoration

Stress Remedy

slide71

Stress Cause

lack of focus, indecisiveness, out of control

First Response

withdraw

split hairs

hesitate

go quietly

  • Flipped Out
  • lose control
  • cry
  • get loud
  • get emotional

information, build a path forward, analysis

Stress Remedy

conflict management process73

4.

Plan your approach

Conflict management process
  • Build climate of open exchange
  • Avoid taking sides
  • Identify preferred outcome(s)
  • Build your BATNA
  • Build your strategy

3

slide75

THEY

X

Do unto others as you

would be done unto.

slide76

be bright, brief and be gone

  • be direct & to the point
  • focus on results
  • try to take over
  • hesitate or waffle
  • focus on feelings

Do

Do not

Approaching and Communicating

slide77

be entertaining & stimulating

  • be friendly & sociable
  • be open & flexible
  • bore me with details
  • ask me to work alone
  • tie me down with routine

Do

Do not

Approaching and Communicating

slide78

be patient & supportive

  • give me time to answer
  • work at my pace
  • ask my opinion
  • spring last minute surprises
  • push me to make quick decisions
  • take advantage of my good nature

Do

Do not

Approaching and Communicating

slide79

be well prepared & thorough

  • let me consider the details
  • put things in writing
  • get too close or hug me
  • be flippant on important issues
  • change my routine without notice

Do

Do not

Approaching and Communicating

slide80

Diplomacy

is the art

of letting

someone else

have

your way.

Daniele Vare, Italian diplomat

slide81

3

Best

Alternative

To a

Negotiated

Agreement

batna

3

BATNA

Content

With

Live

With

Aspire

To

conflict management process84

5.

Address the issue

Conflict management process
  • Maintain control
  • Consider a time out
  • Take time to consider all points
  • of view
  • Listen & hear
  • Be assertive

4

slide85

People

don’t resist change…

…they resist

being changed

Edgar Schein

slide86

Reasons for

I

don’t

get

it!

I

don’t

like

you!

I

don’t

like

it!

RESISTANCE

barriers to agreement
Barriers to agreement

Barriers

Others

See

Not their idea

Fear of losing face

Too much too fast

Unmet interest

4

helping others through

R

E

S

I

S

T

A

N

C

E

Helping others through
  • Involve the other side
    • Ask for and build on their ideas
  • Ask for constructive criticism
    • How might we...?
  • Offer choices and alternatives

Not my Idea!

4

helping others through89

R

E

S

I

S

T

A

N

C

E

Helping others through
  • Walk in their shoes
    • Would I agree to this if I were them?
    • Why? Why not?
  • Review basic human needs
    • Look for intangible motivations that drive their behavior
  • Look for low cost, high benefit trades
  • If-then bargains

Unmet interests

4

helping others through90

R

E

S

I

S

T

A

N

C

E

Helping others through
  • Help them back away without backing down
  • Show how circumstances have changed
  • Ask for third-party recommendation
  • Provide testimonials
  • Share credit
  • Give them the limelight

Fear of

losing face

4

helping others through91

R

E

S

I

S

T

A

N

C

E

Helping others through
  • Go slow to go fast
  • Pilot project
  • Don’t ask for final commitment until

the end

  • Don’t rush to the

finish

  • Caution: avoid

verbal contracts

Too much,

too fast

4

slide92

Commitment

Denial

Resistance

Exploration

Anger Checking Out

slide93

Two ways to

QUIT

and

LEAVE

QUIT

and

STAY

QUIT!

slide95

Scenario:

  • Anyone care for some

whine?

HO

conflict management process96

6.

Involve and engage stakeholders

Conflict management process
  • Recognize all parties’ alternatives
  • Emphasize communication
  • Work to improve relationships
  • Be nondiscriminatory and compatible
  • with organization’s preferred practices
  • Generate a lasting commitment to the
  • solution

4

slide97

!

It’s all about

stakeholders

stakeholders
STAKEHOLDERS
  • Anyone with a vested interest in the outcome of your mission & initiatives
  • Interest groups to whom your organization is accountable

You have more than one!

slide99

Who’s who?

What do

I need

from them?

Who

are my

key

stakeholders?

What

do they

need from

me?

Identifying the needs

slide100

Who’s who?

Who

do they

influence?

Where

do they

currently

stand?

Who

influences

them?

Mapping your stakeholders

slide102

Helping people to learn

rather than teaching them

Unlocking

a person’s potential

to maximize their own performance

COACHING

slide103

Principles of

A skillful coach

rarely provides

or prescribes

solutions

Coaching

focuses

on future

possibilities

not

past mistakes

It may be

harder to give

up instructing

than it is

to learn

to coach

COACHING

slide105

Questions for effective coaching

G

OALS

What do you want?

R

EALITY

What is happening now?

O

PTIONS

What could you do?

ILL

W

What will you do?

7

conflict management process107

7.

Identify a forward path

Conflict management process
  • Examine options
  • Explore compromise
  • Identify acceptable path forward
  • Obtain commitment from all parties

4

slide108

critical elements of

communications

Talking Points

Timing

Channels

slide109

2-3

Talking Points

slide110

Setting

Level of formality

Preparation

Process time

Decision & commitment

Timing

slide111

Oral: In person

Oral: Distance

Electronic

Print

Grapevine

Channels

conflict management process113

8.

Appraise, don’t dwell

Conflict management process
  • Post-mortem
  • Lessons learned
  • Continuous improvement

4

conflict management process114

8.

Appraisal questions to ask

Conflict management process
  • What did you gain or lose for now?
  • What will you gain or lose in the future?
  • What did the other person gain or lose?
  • What will the other person gain or lose in the future?
  • How do you feel about this outcome?
  • What would you do differently the next time?
slide115

Conduct autopsies,

without blame.

Good to Great p77

slide116

Stop

Continue

Start

8

slide117

PARTNERSHIPS

With

whom

do I need to

build strong

relationships?

With whom do I

need to

minimize

association?

RELATIONSHIPS

slide118

Saying thanks

is one of the simplest ways to

build relationships

Office Politics for the Utterly Confused (Salmon & Salmon)

slide119

words

of

wisdom

C.W. Metcalf

slide120

Save energy for

the battles that count

Know when

uncomfortable becomes unbearable

Don’t burn bridges

(even when you are tempted)

slide121

Overcome terminal professionalism

Take yourself lightly

and your job seriously

Understand that you are not

the center of the universe

slide122

Do something for the fun of it

Expect the best

Find absurdity in adversity

slide123

!

It’s all up to YOU

slide124

?

Questions

slide126

WHITTLE CONSULTING GROUP

www.WhittleConsultingGroup.com

Paris Boehm, Associate

515.720.1098

Paris@WhittleConsultingGroup.com

THANK YOU!!!

slide127

?

Do you ever want to say…

slide129
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

slide130
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

slide131
Ahhh... I see the mess-up fairy has visited us again...

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

slide132
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

How about never? Does never work for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

slide133
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

slide134
You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

slide135
Who me? I just wander from room to room.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.