Communication - Negative / Constructive Feedback

1. Communication - Negative / Constructive Feedback With a Positive Tone Facilitators: Wilma P. Robinson PhD & Janice M Carter

2. What Just Happened? The Power of Your Wordsand Tone

3. How Do Your Words Define You or Do They? You are not your position but you are your words Positions define responsibilities not character Reputation is what people think of you Character is a set of qualities that people know about you

4. Who shows up at the meeting? Position Reputation Character

5. STEPS FOR SHARING CONSTRUCTIVE/NEGATIVE FEEDBACK Preparing for the Meeting Setting the Stage for the Meeting Conducting the Meeting Closing the Meeting

6. Preparing for the Meeting Gather the facts Do your homework on the material that you will be sharing Always review information to be shared If this is an informal meeting and you do not have a document to share, jot down key points that you want to discuss

7. Preparing for the Meeting Employ IRS Leadership Competencies (Communication, Adaptability, Political Savvy, etc) Prepare for the unexpected Remember the two “Fs”, Facts vs. Feelings

8. Setting the Stage “Most people consider life a battle”. It is not a battle, it is like a skillfully orchestrated game of chess using your words as pieces on the chess board You gain more Credibility and Respect by treating people with Dignity

9. Setting the Stage Create an environment that is not defensive or adversarial. “Closing the door, opens the door” Be prepared for anything – Defensiveness, Outbursts, Negativity, Crying, etc Always be in control of the meeting, even if it means rescheduling

10. Setting the Stage Put yourself in the other person’s position and be prepared to answer their unexpected questions. If you don’t know the answer, tell the person you will get back with them. Control and filter personal baggage /emotions Clear your mind of any perceptions

11. Perception • Defined as a process for acquiring, interpreting, selecting, and organizing sensory information (sight, hearing, taste, smell, touch). • Comes from the Latin word percepio, meaning “receiving, collecting, action of taking possession. • What do the words, “selecting” or “taking possession” mean to you?

12. The Answer • It Means You have Control • You are doing the selecting • You are doing the taking • You are doing the possessing • You choose what you: • See, Listen to, taste, touch and Say

13. Seeing, Hearing and Saying – Your ChoiceOur Focus – Seeing & Hearing • When you are interacting with people you can choose or select what you see and hear about them. • You can also choose to possess or take in what you have seen and heard or ….not. • Often in communication our perceptions can be skewed by our own values, experiences, biases and beliefs. • It is ok to make a negative choice as long as we are self aware enough to recognize it and choose to shift.

14. Dragons • Our perception choices often raise up in us and in others, fire and smoke. • If fueled by nourishment it can become the driving forces that shift our focus. • Focusing on negative actions, destructive behaviors and bringing to life a tooth and claw impulse. • An impulse to select counter productive actions instead of choosing productive and relation-building solutions.

15. Dragons Control Approval Approval Safety

16. Dragons

17. Check the Behaviors familiar to your

18. The Key to Dragon Taming - Awareness

19. Awareness can be Hard Work • First you have to recognize which dragon is breathing down your neck • Then you have to recognize how the dragon limits you • Next you must recognize the payoffs you may get by feeding/ nourishing the dragon. • What are your thoughts about dragon limitations and payoffs?

20. Dragon Taming • Takes authentic leadership • Authentic leadership is determined by the depth of awareness you bring to choosing your actions and interactions. • Depth of awareness enables leadership practices that honor you and your values by empowering you to: • Choose to recognize the dragon in you or your perception of the dragon in others, • Choose to quiet the mind to recognize the need to reflect and breathe 3 deep breaths • Choose to shift the focus from dragon behaviors to new and more desirable behaviors.

21. The Main Attraction Let’s Recap • You’ve Gathered the Facts • Set the Stage • Faced Perceptions and Dragons You are now ready for the Main Attraction, Conducting the Meeting!

22. Conducting the Meeting Calmly address the facts and not the person’s perception of the meeting Don’t allow the discussion to become personal Listen attentively and don’t appear closed minded or eager to get the meeting over Allow the employee to share their thoughts

23. Conducting the Meeting Pay close attention to non verbal communication (i.e. body language) Be cognizant of your tone and body language Establish and gain mutual Respect and Trust Be specific, do not speak in general terms Speak to the behavior not the person

24. Closing the Meeting Ask if there are any additional issues that need to be clarified Reach a ‘meeting of the minds” If needed, agree to disagree on some points Summarize the discussion Establish a follow up meeting, if needed Establish controls to ensure any items agreed upon are completed as agreed upon

25. Tie in slides behind • Ask if there are any additional issues that need to be clarified • Reach a ‘meeting of the minds” • If needed, agree to disagree on some points • Summarize the discussion • Establish a follow up meeting, if needed • Establish controls to ensure any items agreed upon are completed as agreed upon

26. GIFTS OF COMMUNICATION • BORN • LEARNED

27. Communication requires beginning at the end • All communication should begin with the end in mind. • The desired end result of all communication should begin by striving to: improve the existing relationship

28. Improving Relationships = Recognizing and Embracing Differences

29. Elements of Personality Differences /Gifts fire earth water air Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

30. Fire gifts include… Setting and achieving goals Envisioning the future Taking charge Competing to win Setting the pace Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

31. Water gifts include… Mediating conflict Using diplomacy Encouraging, understanding others Facilitating groups Putting people at ease Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

32. Earth gifts include… Detailed planning Organizing anything Creating systems Keeping teams on track Accepting responsibility Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

33. Air gifts include… Adapting to change Improvising Writing Speaking Explaining Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

34. Break into groups by Dominant Element. earth fire air water Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

35. Table Group Assignment • Creative and positive gifts that this element brings to the workplace • What it looks like when this element gets reactive or negative • The most challenging element (of the four) for you to understand and harmonize with • What you need from the others to bring out your best • What would be your bumper sticker or T-Shirt w/picture on front and statement on the back Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

36. Tips and Pointers • Constructive Feedback Checklist • Do’s and Don'ts

37. Constructive Feedback Checklist Prior to the meeting • Gather your facts • Review your information prior to meeting • Anticipate probable questions and answers • Mentally check your perceptions of the person/situation • Have a clear expectation about what you want as the outcome During the meeting • Maintain eye contact • Be honest • Be prepared for anything • Deflect excuses • Attack the problem not the person • Be clear about your expectations • Summarize what you discussed and actions that resulted • Take a pulse check, are you listening or are you thinking about what to say next? After the meeting • Follow up on problems/concerns that arose during the meeting • Follow through with commitments made during the meeting (for assistance etc) • Document what occurred, when you held the meeting and who was in attendance. • Don’t share an employees personal business with others

38. Do’s and Don’ts Do build working/business relationships with your peers, colleagues, co workers, managers, employees, etc Do separate personal and business Do establish a foundation of Trust Don’t squirm around the facts – this creates mistrust Don’t share employees’ personal business with others unless there is a business need Attitude is everything – Recognize when you are wrong, say I’m sorry Speak to others as you would have them speak to you Listen with respect – give others time to respond Do maintain a professional tone throughout the discussion regardless of the other person Always remember everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect regardless of their educational background, title, race, creed or color

39. YOU ARE YOUR WORDS Have you ever wondered why some people can handle conflict better than others; It’s not just magic, just having mutual Respect for one another; Have you ever had to tell someone that they may be fired? Did you treat them with the same professionalism as when they were hired? Effectively sharing negative/constructive information is an acquired skill; Some people never master it, thinking it is no big deal; When you find yourself in a situation like this; Employ Tact, Professionalism and Respect or you’ll surely miss; Building relationships is also a must; Or you’ll find yourself in a situation of mistrust; While this is not a new phenomenon, “Have you heard?; I am not my position or who I know but I am my word!