Chapter 10 - Motivation

1. Chapter 10 - Motivation Fear of Intimacy – Closeness Self exploration about intimacy and close relationships

2. The Need to Belong and to Affiliate “[Man] is a social animal,” (Aristotle). Separation from others increases our need to belong. 20th Century Fox/ Dreamworks/ The Kobal Collection “Cast Away,” Tom Hanks, suffers from social starvation.

3. Aiding Survival Social bonds boosted our ancestors’ survival rates. These bonds led to the following: • Protecting against predators, especially for the young. • Procuring food. • Reproducing the next offspring.

4. Belongingness • Wanting to Belong:The need to belong colors our thinking and emotions. • Social Acceptance: A sense of belonging with others increases our self-esteem. Social segregation decreases it. • Maintaining Relationships: We resist breaking social bonds, even bad ones. • Ostracism: Social exclusion leads to demoralization, depression, and at times nasty behavior.

5. Fear of Intimacy Scale • Carol Descutner and Mark Thelen’s Fear of Intimacy Scale. • Fear of intimacy is defined as the inhibited capacity of an individual, because of anxiety, to exchange thoughts and feelings of personal significance with another individual who is highly valued. • It is linked to the assumption that intimacy exists only with the communication of personal information about which one has strong feelings and with high regard for the intimate other.

6. Fear of Intimacy Scale This scale has 2 parts: A and B Part A - Imagine you are in a close dating relationship and respond to the questions on the scale. • If you have never been in a close relationship, try to guess how you would respond based on what you about yourself Part B – Respond to the following statements as they apply to your past relationships

7. Fear of Intimacy Scale Use the scale below to respond to the statements: 1=not at all characteristic of me 2=slightly characteristic of me 3=moderately characteristic of me 4=very characteristic of me 5=extremely characteristic of me The “O” in each statements refers to the other person

8. Fear of Intimacy Scale Scoring - Reverse score items: 3, 6, 7, 8, 10, 14, 17, 18, 19, 21, 22, 25, 27, 29, and 30 (1 = 5, 2 = 4, 3 = 3, 4 = 2, 5 = 1) • Once you have finished reverse scoring, add all your scores • Scores can range from 35 to 175

9. Fear of Intimacy Scale • Scores can range from 35 to 175 • Higher scores reflecting greater fear of intimacy. More than 400 psychology undergraduate students obtained a mean score of 78.75.

10. Fear of Intimacy Scale • As William H. Masters and his colleagues explain, people may fear intimacy because of: • Distrust, fear of rejection, or fear of losing control. • Those who have a high fear of intimacy often have negative self-images and may be convinced they have nothing to bring to an intimate relationship. • They may have many superficial relationships instead of one that calls for taking risks and making a commitment.

11. Fear of Intimacy Scale • Others may initiate intimate relationships but regulate the degree of closeness. • When the relationship appears to be getting too intimate, they may start a fight, become distracted, or bury themselves in work. • They buffer against relationship demands and calm their fear by bringing intimacy under control.

12. Fear of Intimacy Scale • Fear of intimacy may be a lifelong problem. • Traumatic relationships with parents may be its basis. • In other cases, it develops as a result of a deeply disappointing relationship later in life.