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The Power of Saying NO!

The Power of Saying NO!. Annabel Shilton Leadership Coach & Consultant 1 December 2015. What is it?. ASSERTIVENESS. Assertiveness is about being to express yourself with confidence without have to resort to passive, aggressive or manipulative behaviour. Self awareness Healthy self esteem

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The Power of Saying NO!

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  1. The Power of Saying NO! Annabel Shilton Leadership Coach & Consultant 1 December 2015

  2. What is it? ASSERTIVENESS

  3. Assertiveness is about being to express yourself with confidence without have to resort to passive, aggressive or manipulative behaviour.

  4. Self awareness • Healthy self esteem • Self confidence • Positive thinking and self talk • Good interpersonal skills • Effective communication • Controlling stress • Choice to express yourself without the fear of being dominated, exploited or coerced against your wishes Components

  5. If you are putting yourself or the other personal down in some way, your communication style is not assertive! !

  6. ? Basic Rights

  7. A - avoid or repress? B - find being assertive difficult most of the time? C - find it difficult on occasion? D find it easy to be assertive? How assertive are you?

  8. Flight or Flight?

  9. Body • Breathing • Brain • Resourceful states EMOTIONAL CONTROL!

  10. Good eye contact Neutral tone of voice Open body posture The words used Four cornerstones of Assertiveness

  11. Rapport/Mirroring and matching • Body Language • Listening skills • Questioning Skills – how, what, when, where IMPORTANT!

  12. “I’ll feel guilty if I say NO” Feel resentful, tired, used Agree – say “yes” Saying “NO”

  13. I’M NOT OK YOU’RE OK I’M OK YOU’RE OK Helpless Healthy Hopeless Hostile I’M NOT OK YOU’RE NOT OK I’M OK YOU’RE NOT OK WINDOWS ON THE WORLD

  14. Rescuer Persecutor Victim DRAMA TRIANGLE

  15. I’m sorry I really can’t take on anything else at the moment • I’m quite busy right now, perhaps later • I'd like to help you out, but I don’t have the skills to do so • I don’t need new windows – I’m happy with what I have thank you We can say NO and .....

  16. Thanks for asking – your a nice person but I don’t want to go out with you! • I’d like you to give me a hug • I want to talk to someone .... • I’d like to leave now .....ask for what we want!

  17. Potency Responsive Vulnerability Winning Triangle

  18. Take ownership of your message • Use “I” statements • Be direct • Tackle the problem not the person • Deal with specifics not generalisations • Don’t over apologise • Be honest to yourself • Spontaneity Assertive communication

  19. Speak up for yourself while respecting the views of others • Calmly defend your position when necessary • Make your own ideas known and understood • Influence without manipulating • Be able to say NO when appropriate • Be effective in supervising others REMEMBER .....

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