Addressing the Perpetrator as Parent: A Cross-System Examination of Gaps and Interventions

Addressing the Perpetrator as Parent: A Cross-System Examination of Gaps and Interventions David Mandel & Associates, LLC May 10, 2013

When perpetrators choose to be abusive or to take steps that harm their children, they are making conscious parenting decisions that interfere with their child’s safety and wellbeing (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

Different Systems and Perpetrators as Parents • How does each of the following systems address domestic violence perpetrators in their role as parents? • Law enforcement • Police • Criminal court/prosecutor/judge • Adult probation/parole • Corrections • Child welfare/dependency court • Mental health providers • Substance abuse providers • Other social services (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

Brief Checklist • Does the agency generally address fatherhood issues? • Examples: • How does being a father factor into supervision for probationers? • How do substance abuse programs explore issues of fatherhood with their clients? • Does the agency set high standards for men as parents? • What kind of training has the agency specifically had on perpetrators as parents? • Does the agency incorporate specific assessment questions related to perpetrators as fathers? • Does the agency use the tools at its disposal to address/intervene with perpetrators to support the safety and well being of children? • Systems may be better at holding him responsible for safety but as good as holding him responsible for well-being. (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

Shifting the Paradigm: Keeping Perpetrators’ Parenting in Focus • Comprehensive approach to the perpetrator as a parent • How have their patterns of coercive control towards their partner impacted their children? • What actions have they taken to create harm for the children? • How as the perpetrator impacted the children directly or indirectly? • Example of directly: Fear from seeing the violence or taking the car away from the family • Example of indirectly: Loss of housing due to unemployment due to the violence • Question to ask: • How are the children’s current situation/issues/problems connected to their father’s violence? • E.g. How is the child’s current academic issues connected to the current or past behavior on the part of the perpetrator? (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

Shifting the Paradigm: Keeping Perpetrators’ Parenting in Focus (cont’d) Safe and Together Model Assumption: Perpetrators benefit from gender double standards. High standards for men as parents helps shift this. • What do they know about their children? • Teachers? • Grade? • Favorite subject? • Medical issues? • Friends? • Favorite book? • Favorite toy? • How consistent are they in their parenting? • Rules/discipline? • Parenting style? • How do they support their partner’s parenting? • And how do we know? • What do the children say? • What’s been observed by systems (during visitation)? • What does the survivor say? (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

Engaging Fathers Around Violence • Hopes that children would reach higher social status • Talk about how exposure to violence in the home can reduce academic and life success • For father’s who express concern about neighborhood violence, explore what they are modeling in their homes. • Fears for daughters about predatory men • How are they modeling for their daughter how a man is supposed to treat their partners? • Want their children to feel comfortable talking openly • How does their violence impact the ability of their children to come and talk to them? • Tensions between hitting women being viewed as a sign of weakness and violence being seen as survival skill (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

Engaging Fathers Around Violence • Working and financially supporting (or not) as men • How do you use this theme to explore their relationship and the potential for abuse or control? • In a way that doesn’t offend or negatively impact: “I ask this of all my clients because it’s common. I find that many men won’t bring it up but it is bothering them.” • Fathers as trauma survivors • Helping them see the impact of their father’s/step father’s violence • Fear about their children ending up the lowest of the low • Exposure to violence in the home is one way that happens • Some admit they have never talked to anyone about these things before (Research by Center for Social Research, University of Hartford) (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

Practice Tips • Find what motivates this person towards change • Find the contradictions • Example: A father talks about feeling worried that his children are being exposed to violence in their neighborhood and what it could do to them. Validate his concern and point out that violence in the home can harm the children as well. • Redirect to focus on the perpetrator’s behaviors and their parenting • Observe the perpetrator with the children, if possible (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

Discussion Question What could agencies in your community do to better intervene with domestic violence perpetrators as parents? (c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

Addressing the Perpetrator as Parent: A Cross-System Examination of Gaps and Interventions