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CONFLICT WISDOM

CONFLICT WISDOM. Presented by Belinda Dulin Margaret Rohr The Dispute Resolution Center Ann Arbor, Michigan www.thedisputeresolutioncenter.org. CONFLICT WISDOM. Agenda Styles of Conflict Management Strategic Use of Conflict Management Styles Tips for Difficult Conversations

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CONFLICT WISDOM

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  1. CONFLICT WISDOM Presented by Belinda Dulin Margaret Rohr The Dispute Resolution Center Ann Arbor, Michigan www.thedisputeresolutioncenter.org

  2. CONFLICT WISDOM Agenda • Styles of Conflict Management • Strategic Use of Conflict Management Styles • Tips for Difficult Conversations • Questions and Answers

  3. CONFLICT WISDOM Workshop Goals • There are Styles • Utility of Each Style • Application to Individuals and Group Situations

  4. CONFLICT WISDOMWhich Words… • I give up some points in exchange for others • I propose a middle ground. • I try to get the other person to compromise.

  5. CONFLICT WISDOMWhich Words… • I make an effort to get my way. • I try to convince the other person of my point of view. • I try to win my position.

  6. CONFLICT WISDOMWhich Words… • I will sacrifice my own wishes for the wishes of the other person. • If it makes the other person happy, I will let him maintain his views. • I try to soothe the other person’s feelings and preserve our relationship.

  7. CONFLICT WISDOMWhich Words… • I feel that differences are not always worth worrying about. • I avoid taking positions which will create controversy. • There are times when I let others take responsibility for solving the problem.

  8. CONFLICT WISDOMWhich Words… • I consistently seek the other’s help in working out a solution. • I attempt to get all concerns and issues immediately out in the open. • I am concerned with satisfying all our wishes.

  9. CONFLICT WISDOMYour Strategy… • FLIGHT or AVOID • When the issue is trivial to you. • There is no chance of your winning – you have low power. • The potential damage is greater than the benefits of reaching agreement. • To avoid a penalty in a hockey game.

  10. CONFLICT WISDOMYour Strategy… • FLIGHT or ACCOMODATE • The issue is more important to the other person than to you. • Continued competition will damage your cause. • You need to preserve harmony. • You discover you are wrong. • In a baseball game, you back up a fielder in case she misses.

  11. CONFLICT WISDOMYour Strategy… • FIGHT or COMPETE • Quick, decisive action is vital – emergencies. • Unpopular things need to happen – cost cutting. • The other person will take advantage of non-competitive behavior. • You are in a boxing match.

  12. CONFLICT WISDOMYour Strategy… • FLOW or COMPROMISE • You and the other person are equally committed to mutually exclusive goals. • To temporarily or quickly settle a complex issue. • Goals are not so important that you need to fight. • You both want a whole lane to swim in, but there isn’t one available.

  13. CONFLICT WISDOMYour Strategy… • FLOW or COLLABORATE • To gain commitment to a consensus decision. • To work through hard feelings that have been affecting an important relationship. • To solve a problem that is very important to both people.

  14. CONFLICT WISDOMYour Strategy… • FLOW or COLLABORATE (con’t) • When you want to learn/understand more about the other’s point of view. • To merge insights of people with different perspectives. • Offensive and defensive coaches working together to win a football game.

  15. CONFLICT WISDOMDifficult Conversations… Accept the problem as yours and try to understand the other view point. • Mr. Jones, I've been wanting to talk to you about . . .” • “Hi, Jane, I have a problem with . . .” • “Bill, I've been thinking about the conversation we had last . . .” • “Mrs. Smith, Will you explain to me your thinking about . . .”

  16. CONFLICT WISDOMDifficult Conversations… Ways to respond to someone who challenges you: Don’t accuse, defuse. • “Thanks for bring this up.” • “Tell me more about what you are thinking.” • “Let me see if I understand you. You want me to . . . ?”

  17. CONFLICT WISDOMDifficult Conversations… In the middle: Be clear about your needs and wants. Try to fully understand the other’s point of view. • ““I want to be clear about what I am saying. Will you tell me what you understand about my reasons?” • “This is what I know about . . .”

  18. CONFLICT WISDOMDifficult Conversations… Ending: Check to make sure you both understand agreements the same way. Set a time frame. • “Seems like we agree to disagree.” • “Do we agree to . . .?” • “I will do this and you will do that.” • “Let's try this for a month.”

  19. CONFLICT WISDOM PEACEFUL RESOLUTIONS! THANK YOU!!!

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