PSY 321:007 Dr. Sanchez Interpersonal Attraction & Close Relationships

1. PSY 321:007Dr. SanchezInterpersonal Attraction & Close Relationships

2. The Need to Belong • The need to belong is a basic human motive. • We care deeply about what others think of us. • Those with a network of close social ties tend to be happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life than those who are more isolated.

3. The Thrill of Affiliation • Need for Affiliation: The desire to establish social contact with others. • We are motivated to establish and maintain an optimum balance of social contact. • Stress arouses our need for affiliation. • “Fearful misery loves company” • But, “embarrassed misery seeks solitude”

4. The Agony of Loneliness • A feeling of deprivation about social relations. • Most likely to occur during times of transition or disruption.

5. Getting Together: The Psychology of Attraction

6. Proximity: Liking People who are Nearby “If you can’t be with the one love, honey, love the one you’re with.”

7. Proximity: Liking People who are Nearby Westgate West: Housing at MIT ~1949 (Festinger, 1950)

8. Proximity: Liking People who are Nearby Westgate West: Housing at MIT ~1950 • Close friends: • Next door neighbors: 41% • Two doors down: 22% • Opposite ends of hallway: 10% • “Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best; they are merely the people who got there first.” (Sir Peter Ustinov, 1977)

9. Proximity Continued • The single best predictor of attraction • Where we live influences the friends we make. • Why does it work? • Availability • Mere exposure

10. Mere Exposure Example(Moreland & Beach, 1992) • Procedure • Four women and a classroom • 4 women attended class • 1 women 0 times • 1 woman 5 classes • 1 woman 10 classes • 1 woman 15 classes • Students rate women on traits at end of semester

11. Physical Attractiveness: Getting Drawn In • “What’s beautiful is good” (Dion et al., 1972) • Teachers judge attractive students as more intelligent than unattractive students (Clifford & Walster, 1973), • Adults, and nurses in pediatric wards, punish unattractive children more harshly than attractive children (Dion, 1974) • Texas judges set lower bail and smaller fines for attractive suspects (Downs & Lyons, 1991) • Attractive people make more money (Hamermesh & Biddle, 1994) and get better job ratings from bosses (Hosoda et al., 2003) • Parents spend more time looking at attractive babies!!!

12. Physical Attractiveness: Getting Drawn In • Physical attractiveness is a powerful predictor of being liked • But….Limitations of Beautiful is Good Stereotype

13. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Physical Attractiveness(Snyder, Tanke, Berscheid, 1977) • Procedure: • Unacquainted males & females P set up as partners • Males get a photo of female partner • ½ get photo of attractive female • ½ get photo of unattractive female • In reality, the photo was not the woman on the phone • Partners have conversation via headphones • “observers” listened only to female side of the conversation

14. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Physical Attractiveness(Snyder, Tanke, Berscheid, 1977) • Dependent variables • Judges’ ratings of females • Males’ impressions of females • Results: When men thought she was attractive, she actually became more likeable M’s expectations based on attractiveness F’s behavior & M’s impressions are expectancy consistent Ms act in line w/ expectations

15. What is Physically Attractive?

16. What is Physically Attractive? • Cross-cultural consistency (Cunningham, 1995) • Certain body features • For women, hourglass • Tall men preferred

17. What is Physically Attractive? • Facial features • Wide-set eyes • Small, straight nose • Well-proportioned features • Babies prefer faces considered attractive by adults. • Computerized “averaged” faces • Averaged are attractive

18. 4 Faces 8 Faces 16 Faces 32 Faces 4 Faces 8 Faces 16 Faces 32 Faces

19. Averageness: Why? • People also find other averaged objects more attractive • Averaged Face • Symmetry and health?

20. Similarity: Liking People Who Are Just Like Us Birds of a feather flock together Opposites attract

21. Procedure Pairs selected based on attitudes ½ similar attitudes ½ dissimilar attitudes Pairs went on a date Results Highly similar pairs were more attracted to each other than dissimilar pairs Similarity: Liking People Who Are Just Like Us Birds of a feather flock together

22. Similarity: Liking People Who Are Just Like Us • The matching hypothesis: • People tend to date and marry others of similar attractiveness • Why does it happen? • People want to date attractive people, but rejection hurts • Possibility of rejection makes people more realistic • Most attractive people pair off and are “off the market” People seek the best but settle for what they can get!

23. Reciprocity: Liking Others Who Like Us • Reciprocity: We like people who like us • An enormously powerful effect • How to win friends and influence people (Dale Carnegie, 1937) • Sold 15 million copies • If you want others to like you, make sure they know you like them!

24. Reciprocity: Liking Others Who Like Us • Procedure • Female pairs met several times to discuss topics • P overheard follow-up conversation btw her partner and experimenter • ¼ constantly positive comments about her • ¼ constantly negative comments about her • ¼ negative to positive comments about her (gain) • ¼ positive to negative comments about her (loss) • Results: P liked partner when evaluation changed from negative to positive (gain)

25. Playing Hard to Get

26. Playing Hard to Get • Problem with playing hard to get • moderately selective • We’re turned off by those who reject us

27. Playing Hard to Get:Do “the girls get prettier at closing time?” • Attraction toward those who are hard to get because of external factors • Study 1 (Pennebaker et al, 1979): • Bar patrons rated attractiveness of same and opposite sex • Ratings taken at different time periods • People of opposite sex were seen as more attractive as the night wore on • Alcohol? • Study 2 (Madey et al, 1996): • Bar patrons rate attractiveness of same and opposite sex • Bar patrons’ level of commitment to a relationship • People of opposite sex were seen as more attractive as the night wore on BUT ONLY for those on the lookout for a “late-night” date • Conclusion: Closing time poses threat of losing chance with person, so it might not be alcohol • Scarcity, not inebriation

28. Staying Together: The Psychology of Close Relationships

29. Secure and Insecure Attachment Styles • Attachment Style: The way a person typically interacts with significant others. • Is the attachment style we had with our parents related to the attachment style we exhibit in our romantic relationships?

30. Attachment Style

31. Intimate/Romantic Relationships • Often involve three basic components: • Feelings of attachment, affection, and love. • The fulfillment of psychological needs. • Interdependence between partners, each of whom has a meaningful influence on the other.

32. Murstein’s (1986) Stimulus-Value-Role Theory • 3 Stages of Romantic Relationships: • Stimulus Stage: Attraction is sparked by external attributes such as physical appearance. • Value Stage: Attachment is based on similarity of values and beliefs. • Role Stage: Commitment is based on the performance of such roles as husband and wife.

33. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love I have a comfortable relationship with______ I will always feel a strong love for______ Just seeing______is exciting to me

34. Types of Love (cont.) • Hatfield et al. (1988) • Passionate Love: Romantic love characterized by high arousal, intense attraction, and fear of rejection. • Companionate Love: A secure, trusting, stable partnership.

35. Romantic Love: The Thrill of It • Romantic love requires: • A heightened state of physiological arousal; and • The belief that this arousal was triggered by the beloved person. • Sometimes can misattribute physiological arousal to romantic love. • Process known as excitation transfer.

36. Romantic Love: Arousal and Attribution • Love on a bridge (Dutton & Aron, 1974) Capilano Canyon Suspension Bridge: ...a tendency to tilt, sway, and wobble, creating the impression that one is about to fall over the side... ...230-foot drop to rocks and shallow rapids below the bridge... Control Bridge: Constructed of heavy cedar 10 feet above a small, shallow rivulet high handrails and did not tilt or sway

37. Romantic Love: Arousal and Attribution • Love on a bridge (Dutton & Aron, 1974) • Participants were approached on bridge by attractive female experimenter • Asked to tell story about a relationship • Told they could call experimenter for results in a few weeks, given number

38. Romantic Love: Arousal and Attribution • Results of Love on a bridge (Dutton & Aron, 1974) • In suspension bridge condition: • Wrote significantly more sexual stories • 50% called experimenter • In safe bridge condition: • Wrote significantly less sexual stories • 13% called experimenter • Excitation transfer

39. Love over time • Romantic love has a limited life-span • 18 - 30 months (Hazan, 1999) • When relationships last, companionate love appears to be what lasts... • Most common responses among couples married over 15 years when asked why their marriages had lasted (Lauer & Lauer, 1985): • “My spouse is my best friend.” • “I like my spouse as a person.”

40. Why does the romance fade? • Fantasy turns to reality • Novelty disappears • Arousal fades with time; Developing tolerance to the effects of love hormones

41. Sexuality Issues

42. Relationship Issues: Sexuality • Kinsey’s groundbreaking research during 1940s. • Problems with studying sexual activities: • Limitations of self-reports • What does it mean to “have sex”? • Men view the world in more “sexualized” terms. • Gender differences in self-report surveys about sexual attitudes and behaviors.

43. What is sex and when are people having it?

44. Relationship Issues: Sexual Orientation • Sexual orientation is one’s sexual preference for members of the same sex, opposite sex, or both sexes. • Large scale surveys suggest that • 3-4% of men are exclusively homosexual. • 1-2% of women are exclusively homosexual. • Erotic Plasticity- women more likely to change sexual preferences across time than men.