LECTURE 9: THE LANGUAGE IN COMMUNICATION II

1. LECTURE 9: THE LANGUAGE IN COMMUNICATION II Unit Objectives • At the end of the unit, you will be able to: • define and describe the major principles of verbal messages; • explain some of the ways in which to communicate criticism, praise, and appraisal; • list the reasons why people lie and explain dimensions of lying; • define confirmation and disconfirmation and provide examples; and • state the main barriers to effective speech communication and suggest corrective measures • describe racist, sexist, and heterosexist language and explain their impact on communication practice.

2. Exclusive and Inclusive Talk • Exclusive Talk • talk that is of interest only to one particular group; • other groups are 'excluded' from the topic of conversation • e.g. communication between a group of doctors in the presence of non-doctors; talking about one's country to others of the same nationality within a heterogeneous group of people from various countries. • Exclusive talk also includes self-talk that centres on the self exclusively and on little else. • Inclusive Talk • making an attempt to include everyone involved in the conversation, • making people feel a part of the communication situation.

3. Downward and Equality Talk • Downward Talk • the sender creates a message that is condescending or patronising, and manipulative or directive • the speaker puts himself or herself above others and addresses them from this position of power. E.g. "I know you probably don't realise this but…" or "You probably don't keep abreast with developments in computer technology, so…." • the speaker tells people how they should feel e.g. "Don't be silly, you'll pass the course", or "Forget about the cheat. You'll meet someone better pretty soon", or even "Lots of people are worse off. Don't feel sorry for yourself!" • the speaker interrupts others rudely to have his or her say in the matter at hand.

4. Equality Talk • opposite of downward talk • sender treats everyone involved as an equal; everyone has a right to speak and has a right to be heard • Power Play • special type of talk that puts the listener down to allow the sender to get what s/he wants often using more elaborate ways e.g. by expressing ignorance of the rules of social etiquette: "I didn't know you don't want me to look into your mail-box, so I took the liberty to…", "Do you want me to knock before I come into your office next time?" and so on.

5. Management Strategies (particularly for controlling downward talk) • Express your feelings about the message • Describe the behaviour you object to • State/Suggest a co-operative response that both parties can live comfortably with

6. Criticism, Praise, and Honest Appraisal • Criticising is not simply finding fault with a person's behaviour or character. • we have to highlight both strengths and weaknesses with a view to help shortcomings • must be constructive to be worthwhile for the parties concerned. • Praise is communication that is meant to compliment or to say something positive about people and/or their behaviour. • Appraisal involves added judgement or value. • Important to distinguish when a person is asking for a compliment, a critique and/or appraisal.

7. How to Criticise • A few tips on how to extend criticism: • Focus on the event or behaviour, not on the person • Take responsibility for your criticism (criticism is owned by the speaker rather than the listener). • State concern for the other person along with the criticism. • Be specific to make the criticism work better. • Avoid mind reading. E.g. "Don't you ever care enough about …..” compared with "I'd use a stronger introduction and friendlier style to address the interests of the readers."

8. Giving Praise • Praise is positive feedback that is given to a person or group of people: • Use I-messages e.g. "I thought your performance in the play was good. I particularly liked the way you…" is certainly better than "Your performance in the play was good." • Use positive non-verbal feedback to support the verbal message (provided these are appropriate to the cultural context of the speaker and/or the listener) e.g. touching the forearm, patting on the shoulder, smiling, etc. • Be specific by extending the I-message (see example in 1 above)

9. Lying and Honesty • 'Lying' may be defined as the act of deliberately misleading another person by giving false information (commission) and/or providing incomplete information about an issue/topic/matter (omission).

10. Reasons for lying • Gain some kind of reward and/or to escape punishment • Basic needs - lies told to gain or to retain objects that fulfil basic needs such as money and food • Affiliation - lies told to increase desired affiliation/association or to decrease undesired affiliations • Self-esteem - lies told to protect or increase one's self-esteem of oneself, the person one is interacting with or some third party • Self-gratification - lies told to achieve some personal satisfaction such as humour

11. Two dimensions of lying: • The ethical dimension to lying concerns deciding or at least thinking about what is right and what is wrong about not telling the truth. • The effectiveness dimension is about whether the lie succeeds or fails to gain the reward or avoid the punishment that gave rise to the lie in the first place. • One has to examine one's own beliefs and communication practice within the relevant cultural context(s).

12. Gossip and Confidentiality • Gossip is idle, third party talk, which might include rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. • Some problems of gossip: • Confidentiality broken • Invasion of privacy • Ethical implications of gossip: • revealing information that you have promised to keep secret • Knowing something to be false and yet passing it on • Being invasive by invading people's privacy