Family Life Ministry

Family Life Ministry Teaching Series – Effective Parenting Foundational Principles of Family Leadership (Part 2)

The Foundational Principles of Family Leadership Brief Recap of Part 1

Parenting & Leadership Skills • Parenting is an assignment with high expectation and of great consequence • Poor outcome in children can be easily traced to failed parenting • Lesson from Eli’s Parenting Failure…

Summary of Part 1 • A key factor to failed parenting is poor leadership skills in a family • Therefore, leadership skills must be considered a foundational element of success in parenting • Psalm 11:3 [KJV] - If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?

Questions considered last teaching… • Why leadership? - Poor leadership = poor outcome in any organization (family) • What is leadership? – Leadership is not about your title, its about your degree of influence with your followers! • Who is a leader? - “Being in power is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”-Margaret Thatcher

Questions considered last teaching… • Why is it necessary to understand leadership principles in the family context? - Parents (like Eli) will be held responsible for their children’s outcome! • Are leaders born or made? - Principles of effective leadership can be learned; a gifted leader must understand the principles & continually improve on his/her skills to make the most of his/her natural gifting • How can I be an effective leader in my home? – We looked at 5 principles last teaching…

Discussed 5 Principles of Family Leadership… • Build an Altar, Be The Priest! • Focus on Character Development not Image Building! • Institute a Culture of Discipline • Create an Environment that Fosters Open Communication • Learn to CONNECT with every member of your family individually

The Foundational Principles of Family Leadership Part 2

Principle #6: Accept Responsibility • Like Eli parents are accountable for children’s outcome, not the church or society! • Successful leaders never blame others, external factors, or bad luck for poor result • On the other hand, they apportion credit to others and external factors not self

Principle #7: Be Open to Change & Encourage Creativity • The Nine Dot Exercise! • Connect the 9 dots with 4 straight lines without lifting your pen/pencil from the paper when you start.

Principle #7: Be Open to Change & Encourage Creativity • The Nine Dot Exercise – Solution (1) 2 1 3 4 This creative solution is fairly known…

Principle #7: Be Open to Change & Encourage Creativity • The Nine Dot Exercise – Solution (2) 1 2 Less known are alternative solutions, which stems from breaking assumptions! Such as – line must pass through the center of the dot! (if you draw lines that Just touch the dots, you can solve the puzzle in just 3 lines) 3

Principle #7: Be Open to Change & Encourage Creativity • Don’t assume there is only one way to arrive at desired ends • We cannot become who we need to be by remaining who we are! • When you are through changing, you are through growing! • When change matures, it is called growth!

Principle #8: Recognize Problems Before They Become Emergencies • Under excellent leadership, problem seldom reach gigantic proportions • Because it is identified and dealt with it in its early stages • “The punch that knocks you out is hardly the hard one you anticipate, it’s the one you fail to see coming” • Be on the lookout for conditions and situations indicative that a problem could lie ahead • Manage potentially problematic situation using 7 steps…

Principle #8: Recognize Problems Before They Become Emergencies • 7 steps to early problem recognition and resolution: 1. Intuition - sense it 2. Curiosity - ask questions 3. Processing - gather data 4. Communication - discuss with trusted allies 5. Definition - clearly write down the details & data 6. Evaluation - check your resources 7. Action - make a decision and commit to action

Principle #9: Be A Coach Not A King! • Coaches help the team (family) to dig deep and bring out the best in them, while a king orders • Involve your family member(s) impacted by a problem in the developing and implementing the solution • Give your team (family) the ownership of problem solving & improvement • Without ownership solutions will be short term • Ask questions; don't allow your followers/family to think you have all the answers

Principle #9: Be A Coach Not A King! • List your solution ideas and theirs on a paper • Integrate ideas from both sides • Ask the individual(s) impacted to evaluate and select the best solution option • Develop an action plan together • Ask them to set up a delivery/completion timeframe and accountability process • Ensure that he/she gains ownership and responsibility for implementation of the solution

Principle #10: Watch Your Attitude • Your attitude as the leader will be transparent & infectious to your team/family • We have to continually work on improving our attitude, it does not run on automatic • Your attitude will make or break you when it comes to leadership...it forms 80% of your success factor • The pessimist complain about the wind, the optimist expects it to change, the leader adjust the sails!

Principle #11: Provide Positive Reinforcement • Everyone needs encouragement! • People do better under the spirit of approval than criticism • one of the greatest influence you can have on others is to believe and see the best in them, even if their current performance fall short of your expectation... • Call out the best in people, and they will live up to the high expectation • Tell your spouse & children people that you believe in them • "Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it's amazing what they can accomplish." -Sam Walton

Principle #11: Provide Positive Reinforcement • People want to feel worthwhile... • Help people develop their self esteem • help people feel important • one of the greatest complement you can pay someone is to help him/her be useful, find satisfaction and significance • “People tend to become what the most important people in their lives think they will become" - John Maxwell

Principle #12: Dedicate Yourself to “Servant Leadership” Luke 22:24-27 • Now an eager contention arose among them as to which of them was considered and reputed to be the greatest. • But Jesus said to them, The kings of the Gentiles are deified by them and exercise lordship ruling as emperor-gods over them; and those in authority over them are called benefactors and well-doers. • But this is not to be so with you; on the contrary, let him who is the greatest among you become like the youngest, and him who is the chief and leader like one who serves. • For who is the greater, the one who reclines at table the master, or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at table? But I am in your midst as One Who serves

Principle #12: Dedicate Yourself to “Servant Leadership” • Challenge your leadership point of view by examining your heart and asking yourself "am I here to serve or to be served?” • "Whatever our career may be, true leadership means to receive power from God and to use it under Gods rule to serve people in Gods way." -Leighton Ford • "A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves." -Lao Tzu

Principle #12: Dedicate Yourself to “Servant Leadership” • "Servant-leadership is all about making the goals clear and then rolling your sleeves up and doing whatever it takes to help people win. In that situation, they don't work for you, you work for them." -Ken Blanchard • “The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.”-Jim Rohn

Summary • Build an Altar, Be The Priest! • Focus on Character Development not Image Building! • Institute a Culture of Discipline • Create an Environment that Fosters Open Communication • Learn to CONNECT with every member of your family individually • Accept Responsibility

Summary • Be Open to Change & Encourage Creativity • Recognize Problems Before They Become Emergencies • Be A Coach Not A King! • Watch Your Attitude • Provide Positive Reinforcement • Dedicate Yourself to “Servant Leadership” Psalm 11:3 [KJV] - If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?

Q&A What questions do you have about today’s teaching?

Prayer • Lord open my eyes to see the gap to effective leadership in our family and give me the grace make necessary improvements

Family Life Ministry