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Adding Detail to Make Your Essays Like the Ravens? The 49ers?… World Champs!. More is More. Way Way Back… . Writing is a Process The First Attempt is never perfect Revision makes our writing better REVISION STRATEGY 1 Use Sentence Patterns They add life, rhythm and variety .

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More is More

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  1. Adding Detail to Make Your Essays Like the Ravens? The 49ers?… World Champs! More is More

  2. Way Way Back… • Writing is a Process • The First Attempt is never perfect • Revision makes our writing better • REVISION STRATEGY 1 • Use Sentence Patterns • They add life, rhythm and variety

  3. Which is best? • The rain ruined our picnic. • The dark clouds built overhead as we rushed to pack up our picnic supplies. Before we could make it to the car, the rain began to fall in buckets from the sky. • Wilson’s plays were big, often sprawling and poetic, dealing primarily with the effects of slavery on succeeding generations of black Americans. • August Wilson’s plays do a great job telling the story of African Americans.

  4. Why are 2 and A Better? • They SHOW instead of TELL. • “The dark clouds built…” vs. “The rain…” • They are SPECIFIC • “…the effects of slavery…” vs. “…story of African Americans…” • They use FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE • “…fall in buckets…”

  5. Revision Strategy 2 DETAIL

  6. How do I add Detail? • SHOW instead of TELL • Answer the question “Why?” or “How?” • TELL: My brother is talented. • WHY???? • He won the Super Bowl. He’s great at banjo. • SHOW: After throwing for 296 yards and one touchdown to win his 2nd Super Bowl, my brother composed a song called “Super Bowl Banjo Go!”

  7. How else do I add Detail? • Be SPECIFIC • How do I “Be Specific?” • General Language describes large categories. • Specific Language describes individual items or actions.

  8. What’s the Most Specific? • Hammer, Tool, Hardware • Gems, Diamond, Jewelry • Washing Machine, Electrical Appliance, Household Convenience • Difficulties the first year of college, overscheduling in college, problems in college. • Buying a car, accepting the burdens of an independent life, undertaking a major financial commitment

  9. How else do I add Detail? • Use FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE • Make a comparison—simile or metaphor • “She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.” • Personification • The Coca-Cola bears nearly fumbled that bottle of Coke. • Onomatopoeia • The grumble of my stomach tells me it’s time to eat. • Etc…

  10. One Final Thought • Be cautious • Be mindful of overdoing the details: • Many uneducated citizens who have never attended school continue to vote for better schools. • Make sure the detail has purpose • Describe character • Support a claim • Complete your thought

  11. Practice - Replace the words in ALL CAPS with appropriate details. • Charlie IS TIRED. • Gabriela IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHILD IN THE FAMILY. • Our motorcycle WAS SPEEDING DOWN THE ROAD. • The air in the subways IS STALE. • Lois walked CLUMSILY.

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